Page 54 of Out to Find Freedom

I knew it wasn’t a question, and yet I wanted to answer. “Yes. Every day.”

I didn’t know my mum, so I couldn’t say I missed her. But my dad I would always miss. Just like someone else I knew.

My eyes caught my arm. I only wore a tank top to bed—it was how I was most comfortable—so I could clearly see my defacements. My marks didn’t bother Julian and Mattie. I knew that because they encouraged me to wear tees on the hotter days and not the same hoodie I had when Julian stole it out of Ryan’s wardrobe.

It took me some time, but I eventually did. They didn’t see the scars; they saw me. At least that was what Julian had told me. He also mentioned that whoever I ended up with would see that as well.

It was hard to listen to because when I saw the disfigurements, all I saw was me being ugly, dirty, and weak.

“Did he say anything else?” I whispered into the room. I ran my thumb over the face of my phone as the lyrics sang out.

“They might have a lead on fuckface.”

I nodded. It was good to hear, but it would have been better coming from Ryan himself.Ha, like that’ll happen.A small dose of sadness rolled through me. I pushed it to the back of my mind and said, “I think I might get some more sleep.”

“Okay, my dove.” He kissed my temple and stood. “I better get some beauty sleep.” He winked and started for the door. He turned back at the threshold. “Night, honey.”

“Night, Julian.” I smiled.

I slid back down, put my phone next to me, and tucked my hands under my cheek. I was a little disappointed that Ryan hadn’t come here when he knew I would be awake. I was a little hurt he may have done it because he didn’t want to see me. Annoyed for him suggesting the music because it reminded me of him. Yet I was also happy because I knew it would help me sleep. Closing my eyes, the picture wasn’t far from my mind—Ryan on the deck singing the song to me. Only that time, I would be sitting on the porch with him.

Chapter Eighteen

Warden

Iwas at the front door, about to leave, when a scream filled the house. I started forward, but Julian’s palm hit my chest.

“Don’t,” Julian warned, a tone I’d never heard from him.

Mattie stood behind him, arms crossed over his chest. “Julian, you go to her.”

With a final look at me, Julian turned and walked off. He headed for the hallway where I knew Emmie was waking from a nightmare.

I wanted to beat the shit out of myself.

I hated knowing she suffered every damn night because of those motherfuckers.

I hated knowing I couldn’t help.

Knowing I didn’t fight for her to stay at my place.

Knowing I was attracted to her.

Knowing I cared.

For a woman I didn’t really know.

How in the Christ did that happen? It was like she crawled under my skin and stayed there.

The scream had been cut off. I could hear Julian’s voice and her soft one replying.

“Warden,” Mattie called.

I stopped, hadn’t even realised I’d started for the hallway. Clenching my fists, I faced Mattie. “She okay?”

He smiled sadly. “She will be. I think what you suggested before, with the music, will help her get back to sleep quicker.”

I’d purposely called in late to see how things were going for Emmie, hoping she’d be in bed. I was a coward. A goddamn coward over a woman because she’d been through hell and I was attracted to her from one fucking glance. Not only that, but she was younger. Way too damn young.

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