Page 52 of Out to Find Freedom

“I know, my poppet. Night, night, dovey dove,” Julian called before disappearing.

“Ah… goodnight,” I replied.

Mattie had tiredly run a hand over his face. He’d glanced at me, and we’d both started laughing. He’d made his way to the bed and lay on the blankets. He told me of the first time he met Julian. How freaked out he’d been because he’d been so attracted to Julian though he hadn’t even come out to anyone. He told me about Julian and what his parents were like. My heart had splintered and then cracked for the wonderful man. Never would I have thought Julian had been through something so devastating because of how he was now. He’d just proven to me that things could get better if we had the right people in our lives, and because he was strong. I wasn’t sure if I could be that strong, but I wanted to try. I’d cried, sometimes talked, but Mattie did the most of it. Until I’d drifted off to sleep once more.

After the first night, my waking from fright happened so often that either Julian or Mattie would come to bed with me, and when I woke, because I always woke, they would lull me back to sleep with stories.

That was until I told them it had to stop. I was already in their house, interrupting their time together. I wouldn’t burden their sleep by having them become my security blanket.

“You okay?” Julian asked.

I groaned, flopping back to the mattress. “This is becoming too much. I have to move out.”

He stomped into the room, his hands moving to his hips. “Now you stop that. My dove is allowed to have nightmares because she was in a fucked-up situation.”

“Every night for the last month?”

“Yes, dammit,” he snapped. “Don’t be hard on yourself, Emmie. I won’t let you.”

I hit the mattress with my fist. It was just so frustrating. I was away from them, from that house. I had beautiful, kind friends with Julian and Mattie. They made sure I always had what I wanted. Julian didn’t mind at all using my bank card Violet, Ryan’s boss, had found in Gloria’s purse. Especially since I surprisingly had enough in the account to make sure I didn’t go without until I turned twenty-five.

I had nothing to complain about…. Well, except for the matter of Phillip Burrows. He was the main player in his and Gloria’s little setup of selling their rape videos on the black market. Unfortunately, by the time Lan found out who he was, Burrows had already taken off, disappearing from his family and friends. All connections. Gloria must have gotten word to him about what had happened. We didn’t know if he was overseas by now, or waiting in a corner to fulfil Gloria’s wishes to make me pay. How we’d found his name was from the girl who’d been attending a school pretending to be me. She was his niece. Her mother, Phillip’s sister, had been addicted to meth and threatened her daughter to go through with it to keep her supply of drugs coming in. The girl had been taken into protective custody in case her uncle or mother, who was in jail, went after her for some reason.

Somehow, they’d managed to keep the whole case out of public record for now, but the families of all involved had been notified and asked not to go public with it yet. There was something about an ongoing sting operation. I didn’t really understand, but that was fine. I was just relieved. I didn’t want people to know what had happened to me. I hadn’t even reached out to Harriet. I felt terrible for not wanting to speak with her, but I wasn’t ready for it and all the questions that would come. Then again, Julian told me I shouldn’t have felt too bad because she hadn’t come looking for me either, and she knew what I’d been through.

People still freaked me out. Especially large crowds and women. It had been a couple of days later when there was a knock at the door. My body had reacted, but mainly because I’d thought it could be Ryan. It still held out some type of expectation that Ryan would come and want to spend time with me. I’d ignored my dancing belly and watched Julian open the front door. There were a group of women standing there. My throat had closed over as a shiver had torn through me. I’d jumped up and run from the room like the coward I was.

Julian had come in later and told me that had been Mattie’s sister and her crew. While he’d assured me they were nice women, I couldn’t bring myself to meet them.

“It’s okay, my dove. They understand, and I do too. When you’re ready, you can meet them. Maybe one at a time.”

I’d nodded, and he’d hugged me close, then left the room.

I’d felt like a complete moron and had wanted to rush back out there and meet them, act normal and happy and safe… but I hadn’t been able to move from the bed.

Maybe one day that would change. All I had to do was wait for it.

I hoped it was soon.

“You’re thinking too hard,” Julian commented from the doorway. The hallway light was on so I squinted, allowing my eyes to adjust.

“Why are you dressed?”

He laughed. “I’m not a nudist yet, Emmie. I do like clothes.”

I sat up and shook my head. “No. I mean, why are you dressed at—” I lit up my phone on the bedside table. “—one o’clock. You and Mattie are like granddads. You’re always in bed early like me. Why are you awake?”

He sighed, then came all the way in and sat on the bed next to me. He grabbed my phone and started fiddling with it. “We had a visitor,” he mumbled.

My heart skipped a beat and I tensed. “Who?”

He didn’t answer right away, and it caused my pulse to race. Julian glanced at me, passing my phone. I took it without looking at it.

His eyes widened. “No one bad,” he reassured and curled me into his side with an arm around my shoulders. I didn’t understand why it was so easy for me to receive affection from Julian and Mattie, but I was grateful for it. “It’s okay, dovey dove. Nothing bad.”

“Then who would come here so late?”

“Warden.”

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