Page 44 of Out to Find Freedom

I shook my head. I meant to say I did know what he meant because I understood it, but I’d never felt it.

“Not to worry, my dove. You’ll know one day. I’m sure of it.”

I doubted it, but I didn’t say so. Not with the scars on my body. No one would want to stare at them. I didn’t even want to look at them and they were on my body.

“Oh.” Julian’s gasp had me looking at him. His eyes were on my arm. I glanced down. Absently, I’d been rubbing my fingers over the scars on my arm.

My stomach bottomed out. I hated that Killer had seen them. I’d even kept my shorts hanging low so I could cover the ones on my thighs because I hadn’t wanted Julian to see them. They were dirty and ugly. He was light and sweet.

I pulled both sleeves down and gripped them in my fists, bringing them up under my arms.

Julian shook his head at me. “My dove,” he whispered.

Tears pooled in my eyes.

He stepped right up to me, and I was proud I didn’t retreat. His eyes were too kind for me to back away. Gently, he tucked my hair behind my ear before dropping his hands to the bottom of my hoodie. Slowly, he lifted.

If it had been anyone else, I would have freaked. I would have fought. I would have pushed. But with Julian, I let him lift the hoodie from my body. He gazed at my arms and my scarred chest in the low-cut tee.

Sadness filled me. Tears dropped from my eyes. “Do you see?” I whispered. “No one will want this.”

His bottom lip wobbled, his eyes welling. “Oh, honey, no.” He ran his hands up and down my arms. I wanted to move away from his touch, but he said, “I see a woman who is strong. Who has lived through hell and has come out on the other side. I know someone will love you for who you are, not what they see, because you are beautiful.”

A sob caught in my dry throat. I tipped forward, my forehead landing against his chest as I let out a keening sound. His arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly against him as I cried.

He kept holding me, whispering words of praise, until I could pull myself together.

Straightening, I winced. Julian saw it and asked, “Are you okay?”

I snorted. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be.

He amended, “Are you hurt?”

“My ribs are tender. S-she kicked me.” Up until then, since the adrenaline had worn off, I hadn’t thought or reacted to the twinge in my ribs.

Julian hummed under his breath, his smile tight. “My mother-in-law is a nurse. She could come by and check.”

“No!” I cried. My pulse throbbed from how fast it raced. I took a deep breath. “Sorry, but please, no nurse.”

“Honey.” His gaze ran over me again, and then he said softly, “You could be malnourished, need medical treatment.”

I grabbed his wrist. “Please, please no doctors, no nurses, and no women. I promise I’ll eat, I’ll drink, and I’ll get better.”

His lips thinned, but eventually he nodded. “I’ll see if they need wrapping after the shower.” He leaned in and kissed my temple, something my father used to do. “Take your time.”

“Thank you,” I said as he walked towards the door.

“No thanks needed. I’ll put fresh clothes outside the door. No one will be up here, okay?”

I nodded and offered up a wonky smile.

When he closed the door after he left, the smile dropped from my mouth. I took a steadying breath and removed the clothes I hoped to never see again. A moment later, I stepped under the spray of water. The temperature was perfect, and I sighed contently.

My mind ran through the events.

I was out.

Free.

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