Page 11 of Out to Find Freedom

Ryan Warden had been officially moved in for a week now. I remembered the woman calling him Ryan, and her man not liking it. It seemed all the others called him by his last name. Though I wasn’t sure if it was his last name and not a nickname. Either way, I liked his name.

It was strong, like him.

His place had many visitors over the week. Men, big scary men, and women who smiled and laughed a lot. I wanted to know what made them so happy in life, because I would love it for myself one day.

Yes, I still held out hope. Stupidly.

The door to my room opened. I quickly sat on the bed and waited. It would be a meal delivery—I got two a day. Thankfully, they were big meals, so I kept what I could in case I annoyed them enough to get nothing one day.

Gloria glared at me, dumped the tray on the small table near the bottom of the stairs, and stomped back up, leaving without saying a word.

I preferred those days. It was better than being yelled at, stomped, or spat on.

She’d already inflicted enough scars. I didn’t need more.

Glancing down at my arms, I traced a finger over the jagged lines. Tears welled, but I quickly wiped them away.

I didn’t know what I did to deserve a life living with two monsters. Hadn’t God already taken enough from me? But he seemed to want more and more. Why else would I have to stay locked up with Gloria and Lenny? Though, I hardly saw Lenny anymore. The only times I did was when Gloria had to go out for some reason. He must have been effectively reprimanded by Gloria because he kept to himself when he entered. But his eyes still held something in them I didn’t like.

“Warden, gotta head out” I heard called. I spun, got to my knees, and then stood on the bed. It was the biker with dark hair and a scowl. I was sure his name was Talon.

All men called Ryan “Warden,” but I couldn’t seem to bring myself to do it. I liked the name Ryan for him. Maybe it was because it softened him a little compared to his rough look and large body.

Ryan came into view when he replied, “All good, brother. Thanks for the hand.” They did some type of handshake, and Talon left. Warden looked back to the garden shed they’d been building for the last two days.

It had been a sight to watch them.

A very nice sight.

My eyes seemed to like watching Ryan.

A lot.

I didn’t understand the attraction, why him more than others. Why would I feel interested in a male after being treated the way I had been by Lenny?

I didn’t have an answer; all I knew was how my attention always swung to Ryan.

He stood in the yard, hands on his hips, sweaty, dirty, and yet he still caused my heart to beat faster.

Never had I had this type of reaction for a man, until then.

Living next door to Ryan gave me a form of entertainment besides the ratty books that I’d read over and over, piled behind some of the boxes. Safely hidden from Gloria. I had no doubt she’d get rid of them if she knew I liked them. It would be something she’d do.

Ryan turned. He dragged out his phone from the back pocket of his snuggly fit jeans and did something on there as he made his way to the back deck, up onto it, before disappearing inside.

Disappointment washed over me.

Then guilt reared its ugly mug, telling me I should have felt the same attraction to Donny that I did for Ryan. Maybe then I would have saved him. If only I’d cared more.

Shit, could I have…? Fuck. No. I couldn’t think like that.

While guilt lived inside of me, I wouldn’t allow it to control my thoughts in that way.

Sitting back down on the bed, I pulled the notebook out from under the duffle coat I used as a pillow. Flipping it open, I stared down at my drawing. Art had never been a subject I liked, but over the past couple of years, I had tried to draw what the other men looked like in the room that night.

I wasn’t the best artist, but time had given me the gift to work on the pictures, and I was sure I had them near perfect.

The boss had blond hair, blue eyes. A jaw that sat a little crooked, a long, slim nose, and bushy brows. The rapist had long, light brown hair. His nose was thicker, his eyes darker, his jaw straight, but a scar ran from the tip of his chin down his neck.

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