Page 95 of Waiting Game

KillerCatQueen7: My mom was hurt by some bad people and he couldn’t handle her death. He ended up killing himself on my birthday.

I gape at the screen.

It’s not like the news comes as a shock, not after she shared it with me that day at the rink, but that stuff about her dad taking his own life on her birthday was something she hadn’t told me.

Me: Holy fuck.

KillerCatQueen7: :/

KillerCatQueen7: I’m less stuck on their passing and more triggered by the emotions around their deaths.

KillerCatQueen7: I didn’t mean to make this about me, though.

Me: You’re not.

Me: I’m interested.

KillerCatQueen7: Really?

Me: Yes. What do you mean you’re triggered?

KillerCatQueen7: I’m sad about my mom. Like, it wasn’t her time to go. It was stolen from her. I’m angry at the guy who took her life.

KillerCatQueen7: My dad loved my mom. He was besotted with her. They were a living, breathing rom-com movie, I swear.

KillerCatQueen7: I think, looking back, I always knew he’d never have lasted long without her but I figured they’d be a lot older.

My mind drifts onto Kerrigan—how he feels about his wife. And I can’t help but draw a parallel to Mia being like Kerrigan’s kid, forever grieving something that was outside of her control.

With a heavy heart, I read her next message, surprised by how deep she’s willing to go with a stranger on the net. But then again, it’s always easier to open up to strangers, and she’s come to trust me.

I might put my money where my mouth is, but she wouldn’t have stopped doing the cam-girl stuff if a part of her didn’t accept that, in this, she can trust me.

KillerCatQueen7: I’m angry at him for choosing that day. I know that sounds petty, but I already had the shitty memory to contend with, and now, my birthday’s depressing. I stopped even thinking about it years ago.

Me: So, you’re not resentful of him leaving you?

KillerCatQueen7: You never know what’s going on in someone’s head and I’m the last person to shame anyone, never mind my father, for that.

KillerCatQueen7: I struggle with anxiety myself. After they died, every morning, I had panic attacks, and when something bad is going on in my life, I still deal with them.

KillerCatQueen7: So, no, I don’t blame him. I don’t resent him for choosing to go that route. But I’m annoyed that he took that day from me.

KillerCatQueen7: Like I said... petty, huh?

Me: Not at all. But look at it this way. Would there ever have been a day that he COULD choose where it wouldn’t wreck things?

KillerCatQueen7: Not really, I guess.

Me: I mean, if he did it the day after or before, it’s still going to ruin the day in your eyes.

KillerCatQueen7: It’s more that he didn’t think about me at all. This is going deeper than I meant to but he was always the one who big-upped birthdays. Mom thought they were capitalistic nonsense that the greeting card industry reaped the benefits of.

Me: She’s not wrong lol.

KillerCatQueen7: But my dad was all about birthdays. Every year before then, he’d fill the hallway outside my bedroom with balloons. So, when I woke up, I had to wade through them.

KillerCatQueen7: There was always cake and he ALWAYS pulled me out of school on that day.

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