Page 586 of Lodestar

I blinked and allowed my arms to relax as he shuffled me away from the corpse. Then, he tugged me into him, holding me in a tight embrace that I didn’t know, until he graced me with it, was the only thing likely to keep me together.

“He needed to die, Star,” he whispered in my ear. “We’ll find the answers you need some other way, hmm?”

My fingers tightened around nothing, then as I clutched at him, I rasped, “He’ll be the last person I ever kill, Conor, with these hands.”

“If you say so,” he appeased, his tone soothing.

“I do.”

He hummed. “Are you ready? They’re waiting.”

For a moment, I felt lightheaded. That was when I realized I was holding my breath. “Can I do this?”

“Of course, you can.” He chuckled. “There isn’t a doubt in my mind that you’re the one person whocouldhandle this.”

My fingers reached for his and I knotted them together. “No.Wewill handle this.”

“Together,” he said with no small amount of satisfaction.

“Together,” I repeated before I bolstered myself and studied Anton’s still form. “You turned off the alarms?”

“I did.” He sighed. “You know, when Da died, it was surreal to think this powerhouse, whether it was for good or bad, was gone. All that insanity housed within a skin suit.”

I coughed out a hoarse laugh. “That’s one way of thinking about it.”

“You can mourn what should have been,” he whispered in my ear.

“Do you?”

“No matter what I thought of Da, there was no denying that I never could have told him about Father McKenna. He’d never have believed me. Not back then. I don’t think he’d have believed menow.He betrayed me a long time ago in that sense. Didn’t mean I didn’t love him.”

“I don’t love Anton,” I croaked.

“Maybe you loved the idea of him. He was your grandfather.”

“He made Hitler look warm and cuddly, Conor.” I tipped up my chin. “I spent ninety-nine percent of my life without a grandfather. I’ll survive. Anyway, I’m ready.”

Though he nodded, I heard him sigh again.

Together, we left Anton’s bedside and moved over to the workstation he’d set up.

Within the same mall that they’d used as a hospital black site for Dagda, it was impossible to tell if it was day or night. Only when I saw the monitor did I realize how long we’d been here.

“I’m lucky you spoil me,” I said flatly.

“Spoil you?”

I peered at him. “Black-site hospitals for dying men don’t come cheap.”

“It was cheap at the price. Closure is expensive.”

That had me swallowing. “I wish you’d gotten that.”

“Me too.”

“I wish I hadn’t hurt you.”

“Me too,” he repeated. “But there’s going to be a long time between now and us being worm food, and the truth is, Star, no one on this planet can make me happy like you can. You’re as unique as the entity you’re named after.

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