Page 524 of Lodestar

“Last Thanksgiving and Christmas, we were alone for the first time and even though I knew Finn missed his brothers, he didn’t complain. He was happy and he played with Jake and he was… perfect,” she breathed. “It was weird. No bickering withConor over the wishbone and no sniping when Brennan ate all of the honeyed parsnips because Lena makes the best in the world.

“No Aela and Declan pretending they hadn’t made out in one of the bedrooms?—”

“Hey! Like you don’t do it?—”

“No Lena making us wear those stupid hats from the crackers she has imported from the UK.” She pressed her hand to her mouth. “I was lucky that you stood by us, that you didn’t choose a side but fitted in around us and what happened, but I still want that back. I just don’t know how to reconcile what I know with a path forward.”

“You don’t.”

Aoife peered at me with glossy eyes. “I-I don’t?”

I hitched a shoulder. “I don’t like Lena. I think she’s a meddling old coot who needs to retire to Boca Raton so she can leave the kids she fucked up to live their lives without her snooping around all the freakin’ time.” Around me, sharp gasps sounded, but I ignored them. “However, I don’t think those fucked-up kids would like it if she became a snowbird. I think they need her for some weird reason. Conor, especially.

“With that being said, knowing that doesn’t mean I have to like her. It doesn’t mean I even have to endure her presence aside from on Sundays because that’s the least I can do for the man I love.”

Aoife blinked at me. “You’re saying I should just go on Sundays for Finn’s and Jake’s sakes?”

“Nah. My past isn’t your past, and we both know what I’d do to the people who wronged me.” I showed her my teeth. “Lena would be dead and buried if she’d mowed down my mom. Whatever you’re doing right now, is a lot healthier than what I’d do?—”

“And more legal,” Savannah muttered.

“—so whatever you decide to do is what you decide to do. You can want Sunday dinners and family time while barely acknowledging her.”

“Wouldn’t that be awkward?” she mumbled.

I grinned. “For who? You? Nah. Her? Sure.”

Her eyes caught on mine then the words came out in a rush. “I miss her too.”

“You do?” I grimaced. “What’s to miss?”

Aoife swallowed. “She became like a second mom to me.”

“That’s just creepy.”

Savannah nudged me to shut up.

“What? It is! Talk about a weird way to alleviate her own guilt.” I shuddered. “And people say I’m a fucking mess. Anyway, no one can tell you what’s right or wrong for you is what I’m saying.

“In my relationship,” I admitted, “I’m the Finn and Conor is the Aoife.”

“What?” Savannah spluttered around a laugh.

“It’s true. I’ve done some unforgivable shit. Folks might think I don’t deserve him, but the only option open to me is to do whatever I can to be worthy of him.” I sucked in a breath. “It’s hard and I can empathize with Finn because trying to make amends isn’t easy, but that’s how it should be.

“Have you decided on what Finn can do to atone?”

Aoife frowned. “No?”

I didn’t think she meant for it to be a question, but it came out that way.

“Why not?”

“You have, Aoife. You wanted him to cut ties with Lena,” Inessa prompted.

“Yeah, but that’s not enough, is it? That’s a knee-jerk reaction,” I argued. “Atonement is proactive. Now, a couplemonths ago, I didn’t believe in this atonement shit, but Conor’s made me see the error of my ways.”

“You’re growing up,” Savannah said with a fake sniffle.

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