Page 484 of Lodestar

She took her sweet time before saying anything, as if weighing the meaning of what I had just told her.

Eventually, she mumbled, “When I was with Hans, among other passive-aggressive moves, he’d control me through food.”

I stilled. “What? He starved you?”

“Gave me food for good behavior. Denied me food for bad. I was so accustomed to having my appetite controlled that it was a miracle he managed to get me pregnant in the first place.

"For the first year or so, I wasalwaysunderweight. To the point where I was skin and bones.”

Hatred for her fucker of an ex-husband filled me. “If I could electrocute him to death, I would.”

“But then, you’d have denied me the fun of stringing him up,” she said lightly, her fingers automatically moving toward my head where I knew she was going to play with my hair. She paused, though, as if she remembered…

I snagged her hand in mine and plunked it on my head. “Youcan play with my hair. No one else. Only you.”

She swallowed. “Are you sure?”

“Of course.”

“Did he force you to…”

“Blow him? Yeah. Used to pull on my hair until I did as I was told.” My tone was free from bitterness, mostly because I’d come to terms with what had happened a long time ago. Well, as much as a person could. “You’ve never triggered me,” I told her candidly.

“I’m glad,” she whispered, hugging me to her.

“Me too,” I said, leaning up to kiss her. “What happened at the opera?”

“He used to like offering me freedom.”

My brow furrowed as I thought about the dates we’d been on. “What does that mean?” I asked when I couldn’t make sense of what she said.

“It means when we were in public, he’d fuck me over or beside balconies so that I could throw myself over if I wanted.”

“That was his idea of freedom?” I rumbled.

Death.

That had been how he'd told her that was her only way out.

“Trust me, some days, it felt like it could be.”

“What stopped you?”

“I wish I knew. Sometimes, it was sheer obstinacy. Killing myself felt too much like letting him win.”

“Thank Christ for your obstinate self.”

She chuckled.

“We didn’t fuck in the opera box,” I pointed out.

“We didn’t, but I didn’t need to either. I wanted you here,now. That felt liberating too.”

“I’m glad.”

“Me too.” Star cleared her throat. “Who’d have thought the O’Donnellys had a box at the opera?”

“You can thank Declan for that.” I cupped her chin and angled her head down. As I brushed my lips over hers, I whispered, “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

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