Page 389 of Lodestar

I blinked at Aidan. “It was something Ma said combined with Liam’s current problems.”

“Not so current seeing as the Rabid Wolves are off licking their wounds,” Brennan muttered darkly, glowering at my phone like he had a personal vendetta against it.

“What the fuck is going on with you?” I demanded, all thoughts of Star, Ren, Stimpy, and Reinier fading as irritation with my brother took up the full blast of my attention span. “I’m well-adapted to your grouchy ass but Jesus Christ, you’re more miserable than usual.”

He pinned me with a disapproving glare. “I’m not miserable. I’m cautious.”

“More like overcautious,” Eoghan grumbled behind a Knicks’ travel mug I wasn’t totally convinced didn’t contain whiskey.

Finn, who’d been doodling on the notepad in front of him, mused, “Ever thought he misses your… our Da.”

“Still having trouble with those possessive pronouns, Finn?”

“Yes, Conor. It’s a lifetime’s habit I’m breaking and it’s not easy.”

“Well, Bren?” Aidan peppered.

“Well, what?”

“Do you miss Da?”

Brennan’s nostrils flared but he bowed his head. “What’s to miss?”

“Fair point,” Declan chimed in. “I don’t miss getting my ass kicked or being accused of trying to make my son gay because I took him to the ballet.”

Finn’s brows lifted. “He gave you shit for that?”

Aidan snorted. “Of course he did. It’s Da. You know, it’s a wonder we’re not all homophobic asswipes.”

“More like a miracle,” Brennan mumbled, but he hitched a shoulder. “It’s weird to miss someone you hated more than you liked.”

“Emotionsareweird,” I said carefully, knowing that ‘feelings’ and Brennan weren’t a comfortable combination. Seeing as he was the bruiser of the family, it was only fitting that he’d find it hard to deal with losing Da. “We’re coming out of a toxicrelationship where the only escape was death. How was thatnotsupposed to fuck us up?”

Brennan grunted. “Ma’s finding it easy enough.”

“Are you mad at her for finding some peace with Paddy?” I questioned.

“It’s early days, wouldn’t you say?”

“How early is too early? They ain’t getting any younger, Bren,” Declan stated.

“He has a point,” Eoghan drawled.

Brennan scrubbed a hand over his face. “Do you guys miss him?”

A silence settled over the dinner table. Because Aoife’s kitchen was constantly packed with experimental versions of her recipes, we’d taken to meeting in Finn’s house—whether he approved or not.

“You know when you pull a hamstring?” Finn asked as he doodled. “And the pain is there for goddamn ages and you want the ache to go away but it won’t and you know it’ll take however long it takes to heal?”

“And then, one day, it’s not there, and you forget about the ache until you remember it’s not there anymore?” I added, nodding.

“Yeah, it’s like that,” was Finn’s gruff retort.

“Like a toothache that’s gone after years of misery, but you still miss the tooth because hell, those fuckers don’t grow back,” Aidan rumbled.

Declan scratched his chin. “I don’t miss toothaches or hamstring aches.”

“That’s because he treated you like shit,” I murmured. “He never had a kind word for you, never gave you any approval. You can’t kick a dog and expect it, at some point, to like you.”

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