Page 97 of Silenced

The notion makes me feel all kinds of messed up inside.

“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,solnyshko.That Rundel made you believe otherwise is a crime against nature itself.”

The way he signs, his fingers flying, the motions short and sharp, I know he’s angry at my perceived treatment.

I bite my lip as I relax against him, aware that I hadn’t given him any of my weight just in case.

“Thank you,” I sign back, hoping that how I relaxedshowshim my appreciation.

“You suffer with your periods?”

It’s easier to talk about this stuff when I can turn my face away from him.

“Yes. They’re painful but irregular, thank God.”

His fingers start toying with the end of my braid. Maybe it’s more by luck than management that most of his cum ended up on me rather than there.

When he stops, I almost pout until he signs, “What happened with Rundel,solnyshko? The Viagra?”

Tension rushes through me, but it calms when he moves his arm, lowering it to my waist and tugging me tighter into him.

The embrace is exactly what I didn’t know I needed.

It gives me the balls to sign, “Harvey and I… we wanted to start a family. He blamed me, at first. Said I was the reason we couldn’t have children but he wanted a baby badly enough that he insisted we go through IVF. They tested both of us.” I bite my lip at the memories of the nightafterthe doctor’s appointment where we’d received the results. “The doctor suggested we use donor sperm instead of Harvey’s. It was…”

When he holds me tighter than ever before, hugging me harder, it registers how much I’d tensed up. I hate that I began trembling too.

Soft lips brush the side of my cheek, making me more dazed by that than the memories. It takes me a few minutes to reply, “Things got really bad after that.”

He lets go of me to sign, “He was the sole problem.”

Not a question.

And damn, I miss his arms around me.

“Yes.” The wave of shame over how my body has backfired against me has me gritting my teeth. Then, I force myself to bite out, “My odds are abysmal, but there is a chance that Icouldhave a child. He couldnot. At all. H-He had issues getting erect before. After that appointment, it was impossible.

“A part of me always wondered if, without those issues, he’d have been a good husband—”

Nikolai squeezes me. “My father was violent toward my mother.” As I process the fact he’s sharing that with me, he continues, “He killed her in the end. That kind of violence is in someone from birth.”

“I don’t want to believe that.” Because if I do, then I was totally, utterly blind about Harvey.

“You don’t live in the world I do.”

I blink. “You brought me into it.”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t. You landed here, and I’m keeping you safe.”

His logic isn’t particularly sound but there’s no denying he’s actually right.

Hecouldlet me go, though.

Like he knows I’m thinking that, he holds me tighter.

I don’t push it, just sign, “I’m sorry about your mother.” I punctuate it by cupping his cheek in an apology he can feel, not simply read.

He angles his head into my hold. “It was a long time ago.”

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