Page 184 of Silenced

“I don’t want to see him die.”

That’s the truth.

I don’t.

I mean,I did.But that was before Moscow.

As the plane taxied away and ‘parked’ in a hangar, I managed to catch enough of the ensuing ‘battle’ to feed my nightmares for a lifetime.

I never thought anything could be more terrifying than being tied to a bed and drugged, of meaty fists pounding into me like I was dough. Or those initial days with Niko, where I hadn’t known if up was down.

But seeing Nikolai under fire? Watching a gunfight unfold in front of me and men being shot down?

Nothing could be more terrifying than that.

Harvey Rundelismy past.

Somehow, my future is crazier than the level of shit he heaped at my door.

I don’t need to ask for new nightmares, which is undoubtedly what’d happen if I watched Harvey become alligator chow.

“But?” Niko prods.

For a moment, I’m unsure how to answer. Then, Misha’s words echo in my head.

Closure comes in many guises.

They’re powerful words, more fitting on an episode ofMaurythan from a Bratva foot soldier.

“I want to talk to him,” I reply slowly, tasting each word as I utter them.

Though he frowns, he assures me, “Whatever you need.”

I glance at Misha. “Thank you.”

He hitches a shoulder. “My woman has issues with something that happened to her when she was younger. Issues that would have been resolved with closure. I’d hate for you to throw away your chance at gaining it.”

That’s surprisingly kind for a man who called me a gold digger yesterday. Today. Hell,tomorrow? I don’t even know what time it is or the day either.

As I get to my feet, I can’t help but look at Dmitri. He’s so still that it’s unnerving. The nurses did something to his hair to stop it from falling messily into his face like it usually does, and it makes him look young. So young.Tooyoung for this.

“You don’t have to come, Nikolai,” I tell him gently. “You need to be here. Just in case.”

In what I’m starting to consider his signature move, he raises my hand to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. “Where you are, I am.”

“No—”

“Dmitri would have it no other way.”

“He’s right. Dmitri wouldn’t,” Misha agrees, but I can see his own worry swallow him whole as he looks upon the younger man.

The tubes… The wires…

We see them on TV all the time, but nothing prepares us for encountering them when they’re on someone we love.

“W-We can wait until he wakes up,” I argue weakly.Because he’d better.

His thumb rubs over my ring finger. “Needs my ring.”

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