Page 61 of Twenty Years Later

"What aboutyou? What didyoudo?"

I was amazed that Alex asked so much aboutme. Usually, the focus was on Blake and what he was going through. Which of course it should be. But I appreciated Alex also wondering about me.

"I cried. I lay awake all night. I prayed that my baby would have a father."

Alex rubbed his forehead. "Oh, God, Jayda. I'm so sorry."

Inhaling sharply, I attempted to get through the rest of the terrible story. "And he did make it, of course, as you know."

Alex nodded.

"And the next morning, I flew back home. He spent a week in the ICU and another in a regular room on the cardiothoracic floor. But he somehow made it, and everyone was rather optimistic."

"You must have both been so relieved, but I bet the recovery was rough."

"Definitely," I agreed. "He could barely move for a while. I did everything for him for a long time."

"While you were pregnant," Alex said, his voice deep with empathy.

I nodded, that ever-present lump in my throat growing larger. "He was a ghost of himself. He was literally the color gray for months."

"That must have been so hard on you."

Looking down, I played with the border on the plush pillow next to me. "It was," I whispered, hating to remember that time, the physical exhaustion, the worrying about Blake, the worrying about being pregnant. "I tried to focus on the future, you know, getting the baby stuff all together. But it was hard because Blake felt awful, and he was so scared. So I was terrified too."

Alex's brows drew together. "Why was he so scared?"

"Well, they said he still needed more surgeries in the future because he had multiple aneurysms all along his aorta that needed repair. And while they were optimistic, they also warned him that the aneurysms might rupture and he might need another emergency surgery."

He let out a loud exhale. "God, that's terrible. What an awful thing to live with. For both of you."

"It sucked, to be honest. Every twinge, every pain, it was just kind of a panic, looking at each other and saying, 'Is this it? Should we call an ambulance?'"

Shaking his head while caressing my hand, Alex said, "That must have been so stressful, sweetheart."

Nodding, I took a deep breath because the worst part was still coming up. "So even though it was tough, he made it through and really seemed to be doing okay when Audrey was born."

Those brown eyes stared into mine. "At least, he got to meet his daughter."

"Yes, he did," I said, smiling a little, remembering how happy we both were, how excited our entire family was at the time. "It was an exhausting but blissful three weeks. You know how one little baby completely changes your whole world."

He chuckled. "Yep, sure do."

Sighing, I kept going, and Alex's grip tightened on my hand, encouraging me. "And then... well, then..."

With his free hand, Alex put a finger under my chin, returning my gaze to his. "You don't have to go on if it's too much for you, love."

Closing my eyes and exhaling, I shook my head. No, I needed to finish the story so Alex could know, so we could move on from this. Opening my eyes again, I looked into his, determined to continue. "Thank you for that. But I want to tell you everything so we can get this out in the air between us."

"I appreciate that."

He gave my hand another squeeze, and I went on, rememberingthenight, the night that Blake died.

Another deep breath. And then another. "So one evening... three weeks and a day after Audrey was born, well, it happened. What we were dreading. The thing we were so scared of."

Alex didn't say anything, just let out a sigh.

"Audrey was asleep. Blake was watching TV, and I was reading. He stood up to get a drink or something, and that's when... that's when it happened. He doubled over in pain. The doctors always said he'd know. And he knew. Even I knew." I breathed through the horrific memories. "I called 911."

---