Page 33 of Twenty Years Later

And as I walked and walked and walked, my mind drifted back to two nights ago... whenshehad been here. When she had made it all look so easy. When she had brought a warmness and light into this dismal house that had never been here before. Ever.

Shaking my head, I sighed again. Since we'd said goodbye yesterday morning—was that just yesterday? It felt like forever ago already—I'd tried not to think about her. Tried not to think about what could be. Because it just couldn't be.

I lived in Miami, and she lived in Maine. We were both tied down by family. There was no way it would work. So what was the point in even thinking about her? But damn it, every time I tried to think of something else—work, baseball, Gabby—my mind went back to Jayda.Every single time.

Thinking about how she crinkled her nose when she laughed. Thinking about how her greenish-blue eyes seemed to change color, how soft her skin felt, how her long hair tickled my chest, how her breasts—

No. I couldn't go there right now.

But beyond the absolutely mind-blowing sex that I couldn't think about at the moment, what really got me was dinnertime with her and Gabby—how she'd effortlessly fed Gabby on her knee while eating her own meal and how she hadn't even seemed to mind it. Actually, it seemed like she'd enjoyed it.

And then later, my God, when she'd rocked Gabby to sleep. She had really wanted to do it. Not just pretending. Not just going through the motions. And her sweet voice as she sang her made-up lullabies...

Damn it.

I swallowed against the strange lump in my throat and focused on Gabby again. She had at least quieted down, and her eyes were doing that heavy blinking.

Glancing at the clock on the stove as I walked by, I saw it was a little early to go to sleep. And she hadn't even had any dinner. What kind of night was it going to be? One where she woke up hungry at two o'clock in the morning.

You'd think after a year of being a single dad, I'd have some sort of routine or schedule. But the truth was we were kind of all over the place. Just barely squeaking by. As I put Gabby down in her crib, I thought of something Jayda had said. She'd told me that Gabby seemed really happy and that I was doing an amazing job.

An amazing job? It was nice that she thought so. But I wasn't so sure.

Seeing Jayda with Gabby that night, seeing the way Gabby had responded to her, seeing her so effortlessly interact with her, I didn't know what to make of it.

All I knew is that I wantedthat.

Looking at Gabby sleeping so sweetly, I realized I wanted a mom for her. And I wanted a wife, arealwife. I tried to remember the exact phrase that had been said in my wedding vows to Fiona—something about doubling the joys and halving the sorrows.

That was it. I'd never actually had that with Fiona. And I really wanted that. But damn it, what I wanted more than anything?

I wanted Jayda. AndonlyJayda.

And that was when I decided to say screw you to the distance, screw you to the complications, and picked up my phone to call her. But looking at the phone, I realized it was probably too early. Most normal parents would be in the middle of the dinner to bath to bed transition.

So I decided to kill some time and hit the treadmill while I watched SportsCenter. I had trouble concentrating and only half-watched it because thoughts of Jayda kept running through my head.

I'd been such an idiot in high school... and through most of my twenties. I remembered when I turned thirty, I had this sudden urge to settle down. I saw my older brother with his wife and kids when they came to visit at Christmas, and I'd had a strange feeling of jealousy. I'd done a massive internet search around that time, looking for Jayda, thinking back to my high school crush and how I'd always thought she'd make a great wife someday.

Well, it'd been a little late for that. Obviously. Of course, she'd moved on.

I hadn't found much about her online—she must not have published her books yet. But the one thing I'd found? She'd been married since the age of twenty-two. Some guy—now I knew it was Blake—who'd been way smarter than me had met Jayda and seen what an absolute catch she was. And he hadn't let her go.

With that depressing thought, I noticed the time and thought I'd give her a call.

Taking a long breath because I was suddenly kind of nervous, I picked up my phone and tried her. My heartbeat accelerated as her phone rang and rang and rang. But finally, on the fifth ring, she answered.

"Hello?" she said, sounding breathless. "Alex?"

"Hey. Yeah. It's Alex. I... I hope it's not a bad time." Damn, I felt like a teenager calling a girl for the first time.

"No, no. Not at all," she said quickly, a question in her voice like she didn't know why I was calling.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you made it home okay."

"Yes, I did. Thanks. That's really nice of you."

"Sure. Of course. So... how are you? How was your day?" I asked, wishing I'd thought a bit more about what I was going to saybeforeI called.

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