Page 73 of Twenty Years Later

I laughed at her not-so-subtle push to get some chapters from me. "Right. I'll try that. Thanks for listening."

"Of course. I love you."

"Love you too."

Hanging up, I definitely felt better. Kaileen knew me so well, and maybe I'd take her advice and let Alex figure out his way back to me. Perhaps I was throwing all my insecurities at him, insecurities I hadn't felt since my teenage years.

I'd pretty much outgrown them in college when I hit my stride. Then, in my twenties, I was a married woman and finding my passion in writing. And my thirties, so far, had been filled with an actual writing career and single motherhood.

But being with Alex took me back, way back, tothatplace.

While I made some tea for myself, I realized it wasn't necessarily insecurity I was experiencing. It was something close, though, so no wonder I had mistaken it. The actual feeling wasvulnerability.

I had placed my heart in this man's hands. But could I trust him with it?

And not only my heart, but also my daughter's, whose heart was even more precious than my own. She was myeverything.And this child growing in my belly would be the same.

Could I take the chance that Alex would be here,reallybe here, for us... for life?

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jayda

The rest of the day went by in a blur, except for a brief call from my doctor. After she reviewed my chart and we discussed my reproductive history, she gave me the green light for sex.

Great. A day late and a dollar short. I shook my head at the irony of it.

All day, I hoped to hear from Alex, even a short little text. I checked on his flight status and found out that the second leg had been delayed for hours. Poor guy. I knew how fun it was to entertain a little one in the airport for a long period of time. So it wasn't surprising that he hadn't reached out to me.

Once Audrey went to bed, I tried to write a bit, waiting for that magic hour of nine o'clock. I typed all of two words before I let myself get distracted by my work email and then tortured myself with random searches about men getting back together with their ex-wives, which seemed to happen quite frequently.

Sometimes, I really hated the internet. I put my phone down and watched the news. And that was even worse.

Sighing, I noticed it was almost nine, and I decided to just try him instead of sitting here in agony. With shaky hands, I picked up my phone and called him. With each ring, my heart sped up.

One... two... three... four... five... and voicemail.

Hanging up, I shut my eyes against the frustration coursing through me.Why hadn't he answered?Even with the delay, his flight had landed hours ago. He should definitely be home by now. And he had never, not even once, missed our nightly phone call.

Of course, my mind took off, imagining him with Fiona, ripping each other's clothes off and tumbling into their old bed together.

No, no, no. Don't even go there.He said they were over.

And then my stupid brain started to worry about everything else—a car accident, a heart attack, Gabby getting deathly ill, something happening to his parents.

Ihatedthis. Why hadn't I heard from him all day? Why?

Heading to the kitchen, I tried to make some tea to calm my crazy. I decided I'd try him again soon. Maybe text him.

Why did he have to be so far away? Why did I ever think it was a good idea to sleep with him in the first place? What the hell was wrong with me?

I had a daughter to think of. I couldn't be selfish like that. How many times had Audrey asked me today when she could play with Gabby again? She'd even asked about Alex, breaking my heart when she called him "that nice man." And tonight after dinner, she'd finally found her Elsa crown and sobbed because she wanted to show it to them both.

Trying my best not to cry too, I comforted her and wondered how I'd get through this pregnancy in one piece. Last time, there had been no kids involved. But this time, I needed to be there for Audrey and make sure she was doing all right and not feeling my own stress.

After I finished my tea, I tried him once more, my heart sinking when he didn't answer again. After I hung up, I sent a text asking if he made it home okay. I felt like such a stalker—especially if Fiona was there sitting next to him, wondering who the crazy chick was that kept calling.

And that was it. I wasn't going to call again. Or text again.Well, at least not tonight. And maybe not ever. I had some pride. I had self-confidence. If Alex wanted me, he'd have to show up.

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