Page 60 of Twenty Years Later

I tried to fight the onslaught of emotions, but it was too much. This man promising to be here for me, saying he wouldn't let me be alone through this. Those words meant so much to me, while at the same time, they were a stark reminder of everything I'd been through.

And it was more than I could handle, more than I could bear. The tears came, a full-on assault of tears, right on Alex's strong shoulder. I kept my face buried into him, not wanting him to see me fully.

Usually, I stuffed down my tears until I could cry by myself. But something about Alex must have made me feel safe because they kept on coming. Or maybe it was the way he comforted me, the way he gripped my hand in his, the way he stroked my hair.

"I'm so sorry," I finally said, once I'd regained some control. Reaching for a tissue in my pocket, I edged away from him, completely embarrassed at what I'd just done.

But he pulled me back, his hand on my face. "Please don't apologize."

I searched his eyes, and all I could see was concern, which threatened to set me off again.Get it together, I told myself.

"Are you worried about the future?" Alex asked, his thumb caressing my wet cheek. "Or thinking about the past?"

His questions made me think for a heartbeat. But truthfully, I already knew the answer. "Both."

He dropped his hand to my leg, where he gave me a gentle squeeze. "Will you talk about it with me? Tell me more about what happened with Blake?"

That surprised me. I hadn't been so sure he'd want to hear about Blake. It's not like he had said anything to indicate that, but it just felt like something he wouldn't want to hear about. "You sure?"

He nodded. "I think it's important to talk about it, baby, and not hold it all inside. Don't you think?"

I thought about the two years I saw a therapist, and she had said the same thing. And ithadmade me feel much better. But after that, I hadn't really discussed it much.

"I suppose you're right," I admitted. I looked down at his hand, not even sure where to begin. But I supposed I should start withthatnight, the awful night it had all started. The beginning of the end.

Alex patiently waited, his thumb now moving on my leg, making a pattern. I reached down to hold his hand, needing to feel his strength, grabbing onto his solidness.

"So I think I told you I was two months along," I sighed, realizing it was about the same place in my pregnancy as now. "I was in Los Angeles for a book signing, and he called me one night right after dinner..."

Alex leaned his head down to try to capture my eyes. "What happened?"

"He was at the hospital in the ER. He'd felt an excruciating ripping in his chest, and his legs went numb. He thought he was having a heart attack. So he called an ambulance."

Shaking his head, Alex squeezed my hand as if encouraging me to go on.

"And it took a while for them to figure it out. They ruled out heart attack. They thought it was a blood clot. And Blake kept calling me and texting me, keeping me updated."

"Where were you? In a hotel?"

"Mm-hmm."

"By yourself?"

I nodded, and Alex swore under his breath. "And then after a CT scan, they figured it out and had to take him right into the operating room. And just before he went in, the surgeon had him call me..."

Chills went through me at the thought of that phone call, the one I would remember for the rest of my life, the one I hated to even think about but now found myself discussing with this man in front of me.

"Call you?" Alex prodded, his eyes so sweet and tender.

I couldn't even look at him because he might make me cry again. "The surgeon told him he should say goodbye to me," I said, my voice cracking.

Alex shut his eyes, and I watched as he took a slow breath. "I can't even imagine, sweetheart."

The kindness behind his words gave me the much-needed fuel to continue. "It was awful. I mean, what do you say? After being together for all those years, it just..."

I realized right then that it was maybe something I didn't need to delve into with Alex. Those words between Blake and me should remain between the two of us. And the last thing I wanted to do was hurt Alex in any way. So I decided to move on.

"And then he had the surgery," I forged on. "And it was a very long surgery."

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