Page 59 of Twenty Years Later

As quickly as I could, I sat down on the couch, trying not to spill my drink. "You are incorrigible, you know that?"

He laughed as he collapsed on the couch next to me. "You love it."

Yeah, I did. More than loved it. I loved the way he could make me laugh and lighten me up.

The video monitor made a crackling sound, and we both looked at Gabby sleeping soundly. "It's nice you still have that," Alex said.

"Well, I keep meaning to get rid of it, but it's one of those things I never get around to doing... along with all the clothes Audrey's outgrown just sitting in bins in the spare closet, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that."

I set my tea down and snuggled in closer to his side, both of us facing the window and watching the snow falling down, surrounding us with its hushed magic. We were quiet for a minute as I enjoyed the feel of him next to me, my softness sinking into his hardness.

"Alex, I..."

"Jayda, I..."

We both started to talk at the same time.

"You first," I said.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Mm-hmm," I murmured as his hand found mine, our fingers intertwining.

He took a deep breath, and I felt a flutter of nerves about what he had to say. "So I've been thinking a lot today about... well, about the future."

I swallowed hard, the nerves shooting throughout my body. "Okay?"

"And I don't really know what the future holds, but I want you to know something."

"What's that?" I managed to say, my throat suddenly dry.

"I don't know how yet." His thumb caressed mine. "But I want you to know I'm going to be here for you. I'm not going to let you go through this all alone."

I closed my eyes at those words, the pain of my last pregnancy sweeping through me. God, I had felt so alone. I had tried so hard to be strong. For everyone. For Blake. For Audrey growing inside me. For my parents. Even for myself. But every day, while Blake had been struggling to recover, it had all been so incredibly hard.

"Okay? Do you hear me, sweetheart?"

Overcome with emotion, I buried my head in his shirt, which somehow still held that scent of sun and heat. I breathed him in, trying to calm myself, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

"I just need to go home and figure out what to do, figure out how."

I didn't say anything because even the thought of him leaving soon destroyed me inside. But I couldn't say that. It wasn't fair. Of course, he had to leave. He had family. He had a career, a home. And there was no way I could ask him to stay.

"But somehow, in some way, I'll find a way to be here for you."

I nodded into his shoulder, not sure if he could even feel my movement. As I swallowed against the pain, I realized I was going to have to trust him. I didn't know how he'd manage to be here for me.

With this child growing inside me, I felt so vulnerable. And the painful memories threatened to overwhelm me. I just didn't think I could manage it all by myself... again.

"Jayda? Are you okay?"

What was wrong with me? I was strong. I was tough. I had survived through so much. I had somehow managed to get on with my life. So what was happening to me right now? What was it that made me completely useless?

Alex's other hand started to caress my hair, and somehow I managed to sink into him even more.

"I'm not going to let you do it alone."

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