Page 37 of Second Chances with my Billionaire Bosses

Shep brushed his knuckles over my cheek.

“Yes, we do. This last week has been hell and I’ve missed seeing even your fake smile. I want you back more than anything but not like this. We’re not a means to an end, sweetheart. We are the end. You’re ours and we’re going to take care of you for the rest of our lives. That means there’s no rush. We can wait to fuck you until you’re okay again. It doesn’t matter how long it takes.”

“Stop saying that!”

“What don’t you get? We want you, Maxie. We want everything with you. The ranch, the house, the sex, the babies, all of it. Not until you really want us and not just to feel better for an hour or so.” Arlo saw my eyes widen and he blew out a breath. “Maybe we should just eat our dinner and go to bed. It’s been a long week.”

Babies. They thought I was going to give them babies? Hadn’t they heard the things my mother had done to me? Didn’t they understand I could never be that person for them? I wasn’t meant to be a mother. I didn’t know what a mother was, not really. I would never curse a child to have me as their mom. Not in a million years.

“Maxie?” Shep rested his hand on my knee and squeezed but I felt no warmth.

My voice shook as I spoke.

“I will never give you children. I would rather die than force a child to endure me.”

The shock on their faces hurt. They didn’t see me as the threat I was, it was obvious. They would let me bring their children into the world. They meant it. They were blind. I hated that their belief in me was just too late.

I stood up and exhaled a slow breath.

“I’m sorry. I think you’re all right about tonight not being a good night. I’m going to go to my room and get some sleep.”

I hurried away from them, suddenly desperate to wash away their touches, knowing I would never truly have them. Even if I was cruel enough to chance becoming my mother to an innocent child, I couldn’t risk playing family with them. Even if they cared about me right then, as soon as they saw the real me, the me that my mother had carved into a lonesome, broken woman, they’d realize just how far away they really wanted to get from me. Then what? I’d lose them again and still somehow go on breathing? Impossible.

I locked myself in my room and turned the TV on to drown out the suffocating silence. My mind still raced. I was embarrassed and so sad that I couldn’t take a full breath in. I could feel a panic attack starting and it scared me so deeply thinking that I could get stuck in it forever, all alone, that I did the thing I said I wouldn’t do. I called my family.

CHAPTER 27

Maxie

Nellie answered on the first ring. “Max? Maxie, are you okay? We’ve all been messaging you and calling. I wanted to come see you but Mills said you needed some space.”

I didn’t know what to say for a few moments. I’d never really known how to talk to my siblings. I’d been a pawn for our mother as soon as I was born, her first daughter. I’d never been allowed to be my sisters’ equal. My voice cracked when I finally found the words I needed to say.

“Do you—do you ever worry you’ll turn into our mother?”

Nellie gasped and stammered as she tried to answer.

“W-what? Are you serious, Maxie? God. Of course, not. She was… She was a monster, Maxie. She was the true devil in Devil’s Den, sitting back and breaking her daughters like it was her favorite game. I look at Waylan all the time and I don’t understand how our mom was so fucked up. I could never hurt Waylan the way she hurt us, the way she hurt you. Mills told us. He told us and I’m just so sorry, Max. I had no idea.”

“I saw Vera’s baby last week and I felt this overwhelming sense of bitterness and jealousy. You both found your families and I’m jealous. I’m jealous and alone and the first thing I felt when I saw that beautiful baby was evilness. What kind of person does that make me? I should’ve been so happy for Vera but instead I was angry that it wasn’t me. I’m our mother, Nellie. She broke me and whatever chance I had at being normal and loved.” I sucked in a gasping breath and forged on, my words coming faster and faster. “I have these men here who are telling me they want more with me, they want babies. They said babies, Nellie, and I’m too fucking broken to give them that. I’m too broken to risk breaking a child the way our mom broke me.”

“No! Dammit, no, Maxie.” Nellie said something to someone in the background, one of her men, and I could hear her movingaround. “Are you at the new ranch? I’m coming to you. I need to look you in the eye when I smack some sense into you.”

“I’m in Dallas. The cattle auction…”

“Shit.” Letting out a string of curses, Nellie stopped and growled. “You could never be our mother. She hurt you but she didn’t fucking break you, Maxie. No one could break you. You’ve been living on that ranch with Mills for years and if you didn’t murder him in all that time, you’re unbreakable. Our mother was a bitch and if I could see her today, I’d end up in jail. You are not her. You are kind and generous to a fault. You give so much of yourself constantly that your men literally had to kidnap you and put a stop to it. I heard they threatened Ryan St. John within an inch of his life if he ever tried to get you to work for free ever again. You would be the most amazing mother, Max. I’d be jealous of that kid. Lord knows we didn’t have the warm and fuzzy mom you’d be but you’d still be that.

“It sounds like you have three men who see you for who you are and want to start a life with you. Don’t let Mom continue to hurt you from the grave, big sis. You deserve to be happy.” She sighed. “And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous when I saw Vera’s baby, too. There’s nothing wrong with you, Maxie. Not a single goddamn thing.”

I sniffed and wiped at my eyes.

“Thank you.”

“No more hiding. I get needing space from Mills, Tate, and West, but I’m your sister. You don’t need space from me. When you come back home, I expect an invitation to your new ranch.” She lowered her voice. “You could also always come to Doll’s Club with us. I know everyone would freak out to have you there.”

I blushed at even the idea of attending their sex toy club. Instead of shutting down the idea like I had the first few times I’d been invited, I decided to be brave.

“Okay.”

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