Page 74 of How To Fake A Fiancé

Last night, I was supposed to fuck Ian out of my system. And just when I thought I had the upper hand, he catches me off guard. My thoughts, as well as my plans, go out the window. Now not only have my feelings for him grown stronger, Ian also has made it clear he’s not giving up on me. On top of that, I ended up blurting out my whole sob story.

Why did I do that?

I regret ending that hot night with him the way I did. All I wanted to do was melt into his embrace and never come back up for air. But I needed to think through the information I have now. For years, I refused to talk or even think about the man who crushed me with that single sentence. But something about Ian helped me find the courage to be honest and face my past. He made me see the past does not, and never will, hurt me again. Not unless I let it. Everything he said—about me, his past, and his own feelings about me—warmed my heart. He melted the ice that I so carefully constructed around it.

Being with him naked and telling each other how we felt was comfortable. Felt perfect, right. Maybe what we have is real. Maybe it’s not in my head. I’m still scared everything will blow up in my face, but I know my feelings for him have grown too strong for me to just disregard them.

Do I choose my heart or what I’ve always known to be true until recently?

That question repeats in my thoughts as I wash my face and brush my teeth the next morning. On paper, he’s everything I could ever want. He’s doting, loving, mature, knows what he wants, can provide for a family of his own, and values those he loves. But I still can’t be sure if he’ll change his mind when I don’t see it coming. I don’t want to be looking over my shoulder, or watching his every movement, just so I can brace myself for the pain.

There’s an urge inside me to hold him and never let go. To trust that he’d be by my side no matter what. This strong, gut feeling, mixed with my fear, messes with my head. I don’t know what to do.

The morning is spent with all of us in the living room, watching the annual Thanksgiving Day parade, eating cinnamon coffee cake, and drinking mimosas. Like everyone else, I have third helpings of the sweet dessert and booze.

Later that afternoon, Mom, Sofia, and I finish cooking the rest of the food we prepped the night before. The guys keep an eye on the cooking turkey in the meantime.

From the time I wake up in the morning to when Sofia and I are setting the table, I’m trying to sort out my thoughts. I’ve had hours to figure out a plan, yet I come up blank. Shit. What do I do?

Think, Kami. Think.

“Looks like everything is ready,” my mom exclaims just as the time turns to four in the afternoon.

“Great,” my sister chimes. “I’ll tell the guys to bring out the bird.”

“Right. It should be ready by now.”

Time to eat! Good, I could use some warm food to calm my nerves—wait a minute. Something important is supposed to happen. What is it?

I gasp, holding my hand to my mouth. Oh, god, that’s right, Ian is supposed to “propose” to me. I start to panic. I can’t let this happen, but at the same time it needs to. As much as coming clean sounds like the right thing to do, not sticking to the plan would be like me falling on my own sword. Everyone will see how much of a liar I am. And Ian would be guilty by association. I don’t want him to be painted in that light when it’s all my fault. Yet if I do what we set out to do, I’d be lying to myself. I’d continue to be alone. And for Ian it’d be like a cruel joke. He deserves someone who can be honest with her feelings, not string him along on some charade.

The back door opens, pulling me back to reality. “Got the bird.” John smiles.

“Perfect,” my mother replies. “All right, everyone, time to fill up the plates.”

After piling food onto our plates, we sit at the dining room table. Mom takes head of the table with John on her left. Aaron sits on her right with Sofia beside him. I sit at the opposite foot, while Ian is adjacent to John.

As we start eating, I’m too stressed to enjoy the food in front of me. This is happening, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

Maybe instead of listening to my head for answers, should I listen to my heart? What does my heart tell me to do?

Lay it all out there. Tell the truth.If not for yourself, then for Ian.

In chaotic silence, as I’m waiting for my impending doom, my mom clears her throat. Everyone’s attention goes straight to her.

She raises her glass of wine. “I’d like to thank everyone who came to spend the holiday. These last few days of being with family, both old and new, have warmed my heart. And I hope this is the beginning of many more happy memories.” With that last sentence, she looks to Ian. Shit. This is it.

Just as she finishes, Ian rises from his seat.

Mission abort. I repeat, abort mission.He needs to sit his ass back down.

“In that case, everyone, there’s something I’d like to say.” Taking my hand in his, he helps me stand from my seat as he flashes a warm smile at me. “Kami. I can’t tell you how you’ve turned my world upside down. I admit, the moment we met was…interesting”—he chuckles—“but I wouldn’t have it any other way. You have brought light into my life when for the longest time there was nothing but darkness. And because of that, I don’t know where I’d be without your fiery spunk, sass, and beautiful personality.”

A tear falls from my cheek. Am I crying because of the irony of it all, or am I crying because his words hit me to my core? Perhaps both. If anyone is having a joke played on them, it’s me because I now want so badly for those words to be real.

I never thought I could be a light in someone’s life, much less make an impact. But here is this amazing man looking into my eyes like he means every word he says. As though the sun rises and sets on me. He makes me believe, for a second, that all of this could be real. Thatwecould be real.

To get over a guy, you have to get under one.

---