Page 73 of Shadows of Ruin

Ifelt her heartbeat through my shadows.

Erratic, frantic.

I came up behind her and she didn’t shy away. Inhaling slowly, I touched the small of her back and moved my arm to the front of her body.

“Breathe,” I whispered, like I’d done in the palace hallway in Brookmere.

She twisted around in my arms, makeup smudged from tears.

Fuck, this was my fault. Either for bringing her here or for dancing with so many women tonight.

I let my shadows envelop us before taking her hand and leading her into the gardens, away from prying eyes. I didn’t need anyone looking out one of the many windows from the great hall and seeing us together. I’d already done a pathetic job protecting her from my father, I needed to be more careful.

I wouldn’t do it by feeding the monster and ignoring her. It had been stupid to even think I could. I hadn’t accounted for my actions causing her any kind of pain, which made mydecision to embrace the role I played in Mysthaven while she watched even worse.

She didn’t protest as I leaned her against a cool stone wall and took a few steps back. I let my shadows linger, since they somehow brought her comfort.

Who was I kidding? They’d fight me to stay by her even if I tried to reel them in right now.

She inhaled slowly, watching me, so I didn’t look away. She held my stare, finding that strength inside of her as she breathed in and out.

With her silence, I didn’t know what exactly had set her off. Sent her running out here. So I waited, letting the silence linger.

Maybe she needed another minute. Or a distraction. I could give her that. I thought back to when I had her pinned down after she trained with Storm. She’d yelled about how she’d opened up and I hadn’t. She was right.

I’d been too damn scared to open up to her when we were in Brookmere. One thing becoming clearer and fucking clearer—my Little Rebel owned my damn heart. After her surprising jealousy tonight, I let myself hope, for the first time since killing her father, that we might have a chance.

If I wanted to keep that chance, I’d have to share parts of myself with her that I’d kept secret for so long. Even if I loathed the idea.

“You’ve seen when my eyes change, when the monster inside of me takes over,” I said.

She tilted her head to the side, then nodded. “What is it?”

I crossed my arms, fingers brushing at the sleeve of my tunic. “I don’t know exactly. It’s a darker part of me.” I dropped my hands. “I’m in control of it most of the time, but there are times it’s harder to manipulate. It’s stronger here in Mysthaven than it was in Brookmere. At least until I met you.”

I frowned thinking about how much less it affected me in Brookmere.

She shuddered out another breath. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Storm helped me try to control it. It’s exploded out of me a few times, which you have also seen. That change developed a few years ago. It’s dangerous.”

“You never seem to stay that way long though,” she said.

Little did she know even with Storm’s assistance, we could barely contain it. We’d discovered his fire could protect him and the others from it when it lashed out, but he’d never gotten it to disappear. Not like she did.

Tell her.

I stepped forward toward her. “When you touch me, I feel you through it. The darkness doesn’t last, almost like it can’t.”

Her lips parted. “Like tonight.”

I nodded, so close now I could take her in my arms. Fates, I wanted to hold her, touch her, claim her, but not until she wanted it. Not after everything I’d done.

“Giving in to it felt like the only way to get through this,” I confessed. “I’m a fool. Hiding everything I feel from the king seemed like the most important thing, because if he finds out how I feel about you, Little Rebel, he’ll break me by using you.”

“Don’t say things like that,” she said. Her gaze went to my lips, then back to my eyes.

“Like what? That you mean something to me?”

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