Page 51 of Shadows of Ruin

Monster. I’d called him that. The Fae in Canyon City called him that too. Yet everything I’d seen from him showed there was more to him than that. I knew it. Deep inside of me I knew the destruction in the city had been an act. Jax had confirmed it. I also knew the responsibilities of a crown, and how heavy it weighed. Mine came from parents who loved me; his—I shuddered thinking of his father.

“I should have told you about needing you. Needing your help. I should have told you who I was. Fates, Storm has been insisting I tell you everything for weeks now. I hate being the son of that man. He is everything evil in this world, destroying everything he touches. If he knew for one second I cared for you, he would exploit you to get me to do his bidding. Even more so than I’m already forced to do.”

He leaned forward, resting his forehead against mine, and his shadows pooled around us. “I didn’t want to be the Princeof Mysthaven around you. I wanted to be Kade. Just Kade, the manyouallowed me to be.”

Tears pricked my eyes thinking about what we’d shared in Brookmere. The fissures cracking over my heart trembled with his words.

“I believe you,” I whispered. “About everything. But Kade…” My voice trembled. “I will never be able to unsee it. To forget it.”

He didn’t say anything, but neither of us moved.

“I’ll never unsee it either. I can never take it back. My fear of what might happen to you outweighed everything, and I wish…” He shook, his entire body rolling with whatever emotion racked through him. “I wish I could change all of it. I’ll never be able to truly tell you how sorry I am. Because I am—so, so sorry.”

The tears slipped out and Kade pulled away, dropping the dagger and cupping my face.

“Hate me, Little Rebel. I deserve it all,” he whispered.

He loosened his hold enough so I could push him away. He met my gaze, and for a moment, nothing else mattered. I believed everything he said. I believed his apology, his pain. But it didn’t mean I could trust him.

Kade shook his head, breathing in a few short pants before rising to stand fully. He looked over his shoulder, body tensing again, and held out his hand to me.

This time I took it. We stood there, holding hands until he gave me a sad smile and squeezed mine once.

The shadows dissipated around us, and Jax and Raya rushed forward into the ring, chaos ensuing.

“What the hell, you can’t block us out like that. What if she tried to kill you?” Raya shoved Kade.

“I just needed a damn minute,” he retorted. “One minute.”

Jax brought his hands to his waist. “Well, now that we’re all here, perhaps we should discuss how absolutely fucked we all are.”

Chapter 15

Kade

Of course my own cadre disrupted my brief moment of calm.

Despite knowing I unquestionably could not live without them, they had a penchant for interfering when I needed space.

Lana’s walls were finally breaking, crumbling. She believed me. Now I had to convince her to consider trusting me again. I refused to live in this or any other world where that woman did not believe me when I said how sorry I was for the pain I caused.

And the pain I had yet to cause. I knew there would be more, especially being here. The temptation to have remained in Brookmere, to have her choose me and stay there for good almost blinded me from coming home at all. But leaving my people to suffer at my father’s hand would have eaten away at me.

I’d been a fool to think I could shut off my feelings for her after taking her. For assuming that being in Mysthaven would alleviate my desperate need. Instead, everything I felt for Lana escalated, reminding me that the more time I spent in her company, the more I wanted to fall at her damn feet. Themore I wanted to behers. To give her complete power over me for whatever she wanted with me. Even if what she wanted was to hurt me for what I’d done to her.

I stretched my neck, wincing as the semi-healed wounds on my back pulled too tightly. Nadia had demanded I stay another ten minutes to heal my father’s lashes completely, but I needed to see Lana. I’d left her alone for too long. If I hadn’t been unconscious in the healer’s quarters, I would have been by her side immediately after speaking with my father. I should’ve anticipated the king’s offer for me to take on Storm, Jax, and Raya’s punishments as well. He knew I would do it. His desire to put me in my place outweighed his need to hurt them.

Storm frowned, scrutinizing the stiff way I moved. I straightened immediately, but he knew. He always did. My friend shook his head, clenching his fists. Thankfully he wouldn’t give away my secret to the others. Admitting to them that I accepted their punishments was never something I would burden them with. They carried enough.

Raya paced abnormally fast, back and forth, a few yards away. Her hands on her hips, exasperated by the entire situation before us. Like so many times before, I felt sorry for her. To be so close to knowing it all yet kept at arm’s length. Our relationship with Raya showed my monstrous side in yet another way. Even if the reasons were sound. Even if she understood. It didn’t make it right.

“So, who’s going to say it?” Jax said, looking between all of us, pausing. “Nobody? Okay, I will. Not only did we make it back in time to battle in the Festival of Swords, but now we must somehow pass the damned Blood Oath.”

A heavy silence hung in the air. It had been three years since the Blood Oath was last called, just after we started the rebellion.

“What is the Festival of Swords?” Lana asked. “And theBlood Oath?” Her hands wiped away the dirt left on her clothes from where I’d pinned her to the ground.

I drew in a breath through my teeth, staring at her. Having her delicious body beneath me, even for those few moments, scattered my brain, making it impossible to think about the vast problems that lay ahead of us.

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