Page 20 of Shadows of Ruin

The all-consuming thoughts doubled me over with a phantom pain inside of my gut, threatening to drive me mad.

Losing Elisabeth and then my father—alone, these two tragedies would have sent me into a spiral, but being taken here to a land that shouldn’t have existed? Away from the only two people whom I could rely on to pull me through such overwhelming grief?

It felt impossible to get through this.

I was being buried alive by this heartache with no outlet. No way out.

Only a few days ago, Kade may have been the one to help dig me out of this endless pit of despair. A chance that only existed for a damn heartbeat before he killed the first man I ever loved.

Now nothing would save me.

And yet… Maybe I didn’t need to be saved. Maybe the woman I’d become while tunneling out of my own grave would save herself and destroy anyone and everyone who dared to stand in her way.

Kade and his friends were the enemy, and if I could hone my hatred for them, I knew I could keep the loneliness at bay.

I am Illiana Dresden, and I am stronger than the darkness within me.

Wiping my tears, and renewed in strength, my rapidly beating heart returned to a steady pace. The desire to scream into the mountaintops subsided, slightly.

A throb in my hand pulled my attention. Small droplets of blood glistened on my skin in the moonlight. A stark reminder of my lack of magic and healing ability. In a flash, what little determination I had conjured now escaped.

All of my failures boiled down to my lack of magic. I’d lost Elisabeth and my father because I couldn’t save them. How many times would I rise from my grief, only to plummet back into it again?

Resigned, I curled into a ball on my open bedroll, Raya’s borrowed cloak falling around me. The flaps of my tent fluttered in a breeze, and a familiar warmth tickled my feet. Kade’s shadows hovered, tucking me back in before whisking a fallen piece of hair behind my ear.

Before I could turn and shout at Kade, his shadows, with one last squeeze, retreated. Kade was nowhere to be found.

Several more minutes passed as I tossed and turned, unable to calm my racing mind. Lying here served to makeeverything worse, so I rose to exit the tent, patting the pocket where my father’s letter rested. Perhaps reading his words would help focus me. Besides, staring at the stars would provide some comfort. Walks in the middle of the night had always cleared my mind before, hopefully it would work tonight.

Fates, I hoped Mysthaven had stars.

Upon first glance, Kade and his companions were nowhere to be found. Embers from the earlier fire dwindled, but still offered an endless supply of warmth, no doubt from Storm’s magic. A small rock formation lay a few feet away, beckoning me as if it knew it offered the perfect place to stare at the sky.

I sat down and looked upward. The stars shone just as brightly in Mysthaven as they did in Brookmere. I searched until I found my favorite constellation, following the trail of four stars that led into an arrow, one belonging to a warrior maiden who chased away a deadly serpent a few stars to the right.

The patterns they made felt like home.

Home.

I pulled out the letter. No one else knew the secrets it contained. I had no intention of sharing them either. Not now.

Even with the brilliant moonlight, I could barely make out his elegant writing.

My mission contained in my father’s words.

Illiana, you are the key to Brookmere’s survival.

Your mother asked she be buried with a journal she kept, passed down from each generation in the royal family. She needed it secret. Safe. You must go to your parents’ home and find it. I ensured her request was met. In it, she always believed you’d have everything you needed to save our lands.

A clear objective, spelled out by my father’s hand, lay before me. Go to Valeford to find something my birth motherhad left behind. What could she have possibly hidden of such importance in a mere journal? It rattled me knowing the key to our kingdom’s survival remained hidden in such a small town, in a grave no less. But the king’s words were clear.

I reread the letter, this time in full, which revealed who the king and queen actually were to me. That they'd stepped in to raise me after my real parents were murdered by the dark Fae infesting Brookmere twenty-two years ago. The third time through, the resolve settled in me again, this time rising stronger than before.

Having a purpose would give me a reason to go on. Strength. Strengthandcourage to move past the grief over Elisabeth and my father. To avenge their deaths in any way possible. Nothing else mattered.

“How do I get out of here?” I whispered to the stars, asking like they’d whisper their secrets back to me.

I shivered, the frigid temperature freezing my skin. I wished I’d brought my blanket to keep warm.

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