Page 113 of Blooms of Darkness

“Never trust something is as it appears at first glance.” He smiled while he took a bite of his eggs. “Did you think our lessons were only for the creatures of Brookmere?”

I frowned but didn’t respond. Choosing Kade held too many uncertainties. “I’ll keep your wise counsel in mind. Now, enough of the trials. How are you feeling?” I asked to change the subject.

The king leaned back, eyeing me and then waved a hand in front of his face. “We don’t need to discuss me.” His eyes drooped, exhausted from something as simple as sitting and eating a meal.

He wouldn’t last long if this was what he’d become.

“We should give your father a rest,” my mother said.

“We need to focus on the mission for the future.” He lifted his hand, head lolling to the side. “She has to be strong. To strive for truth and keep the history we’ve?—”

My mother went to his side, kneeling next to him. “Rest now, my love. Rest.” Patting his hand, she brushed a few strands of his hair from beneath his crown before rising and facing me.

She tilted her head to the side, wordlessly telling me to follow her out the door. “Tell me, sweetheart,” she said as soon as the door closed behind her, “are you ready to make this decision?”

I shook my head no. “I will be, but right now, it’s terrifying.”

My mother brushed her thumb over my cheek. “Love always is.”

“This isn’t about love, that’s the problem,” I said quietly.

She sighed. “As the queen, a queen who preferred observing as your father took the spotlight, I’ve learned to read people. To notice things others think they are hiding. I believe you do know who you want to choose, but you’re scared of who you are. Scared to find out how he might feel, or you're scared your feelings won't be returned. Whatever it is, darling, you can’t be honest with anyone until you’re honest with yourself.”

“And what if in the end I’ve chosen wrong?”

She smiled her beautiful smile. One which had the entire Court loving her, even without knowing much about their Queen. She was radiant. The light of Brookmere, as my father called her in public. “Do you think Ian will let anything happen to you? Kalliah? There are staff I’ve seen come to your side, Corbin Jansen and Leif Ivans for two. Not to mention our dear Perdot, who would hold on hundreds of more years, only to continue to be by your side in the palace.”

I shook my head, embarrassed by her assumptions that these people respected me beyond their duty.

“You’ve built your own Court around you, and you don’t even know it, do you?” She studied me, her curious gaze searching over me. “They may not hold the formal title of a royal court, but they are yours, my love. Trust yourself to continue to surround yourself with people who are not only loyal, but who are friends. They wouldn’t let you be steered wrong.” She cupped my cheek. “Now go. I need to tend to your father.”

“He’s worse,” I said. A statement. Not a question, even though I wanted her to refute it. I wanted her to say it was a bad day, or he showed more hope than what I’d seen.

Her face fell, and for the first time ever, my mother’s shoulders crumpled. “He doesn’t have long if I had to guess. A few weeks?”

“But Maria is trying, right? Trying to do something?” I shook out my hands and shifted my weight. “We can do something to give him more time, right?”

My mother shook her head. “He’s in pain. He’s holding on as long as he can, though. Trust in that. After the trials, we’ll ensure we can all be together more.”

She didn’t say the words “until the end,” but I felt them hanging in the air between us. Hanging like an axe.

She left, going back inside the doors and I didn’t care who saw, I slumped to my knees. Tears poured down my face. How had so much changed so fast?

This was why he pushed the trials so hard. Because he may not be around and needed to know I’d secured the crown once he died.

Which meant whomever I chose would be King sooner than they likely suspected.

Elisabeth dying had broken me, but losing my father? Watching the strongest Fae in our lands, the strongest Fae I knew succumb to an unknown sickness? It would destroy me. I didn’t know how much more of my heart remained to make it through his death.

But my mother spoke with certainty, even though it pained her. My father was dying. And he’d let go as soon as I married and had a King to rule beside me.

I had to choose the right man.

My brain told me Ian. I knew he’d be amongst the top finishers and would be an option.

But my heart? My heart didn’t want to trap him and lead us both to lives of loneliness. My heart sang for Kade, even though it didn’t make sense to me. Perhaps, this newfound Illiana needed to reconsider her logical position.

The last thing I wanted to do was choose him and start a lifetime together with a lie. If he were to win, he’d learn I had no magic, and whatever life he envisioned would be far different than I was certain he expected. Yes, he’d get the crown he wanted. But even strong and powerful in his own right, he wouldn’t be getting a powerful queen. That truth would be enough to change anyone’s mind.

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