Page 40 of Secret Hudson

“Then, Angel lays all this shit on me on the plane. Mostly, I was still too pissed and busy with my own drama to really understand the impact of what he was saying, but then you show up here. You bare your fucking soul to me, and I get it. Fuck, I so get it. He was right.” Halfway through his speech, he stopslooking at me and starts staring down at his hands in his lap. “He was fucking right,” he whispers.

I’m about to ask what Angel is so goddamn right about and whether or not it will end up helping me or killing me, when I lift my head just in time to see Hudson sliding down from the bed to crawl straight for me.

Then, he has both of his hands firmly placed on either side of my face, drawing me to him with force. His lips crush mine, and I surrender to him as the unexpected relief floods through me like a motherfucking tidal wave. I can feel more tears breaking free from the iron casket where I’ve kept my heart on lock down. Hot trails streak my face, but it’s nothing compared to the burn I feel spreading in my chest. It’s painful, terrifying and the most overwhelming sensation I’ve ever experienced. All it takes is one breath to ease the ache.

I need him. I need Hudson like I need to breathe. And that one small truth is equally simple as it is significant.

HUDSON

Royce’s tongue is doing that thing he does in my ear and nothing else matters anymore. There’s no coherent thought running through my brain other than: This. This is what I want. This is where I’m supposed to be. This is who I’m meant to be with. This.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

ROYCE

By some miracle, it’s been hours and not a single soul has so much as knocked on our door. For all I know, the world has ended, and Hudson and I are the only two human beings left on earth. Which would suck in terms of saving the human race but would make for a reasonably romantic existence for the two of us.

Hudson’s breathing is shallow, and I can feel the calm rhythm of his heartbeat against my arms, where I have them wrapped tightly around his chest. Over and over again, the conversations replay in my mind as if I’m trying to hammer into my brain just how close I came to never experiencing this moment. But that isn’t the only thing I’m hearing on replay.

I’ve been way too self-absorbed, drowning in all of my own bullshit. I didn’t have time to fully register everything that was said that night during our fight, but I’m remembering now. Hudson has his own load of baggage. Granted, he’s been far better equipped in lugging it around on his own than I’ve been with mine, but after everything, it’s about damn time I offer to carry it with him.

Softly, I kiss the tops of his shoulders, swirling my tongue over his smooth skin and traveling from one shoulder blade down to the other.

He moans, and I’m instantly hard as a fucking rock. Only Hudson can turn me on like this, using just the sound of his voice. Damn, that voice is sexy as hell.

His head turns back to kiss me. “Good morning to you, too,” he mutters into my mouth and I know any and all conversation will have to wait. I need a clear head for what I want to talk about, and with Hudson’s mouth inching its way down my torso, there isn’t enough blood flow moving upward to make that happen just yet.

Later, sitting on the floor wrapped in the bedding hanging off the mattress, with my back against the bed and Hudson’s head resting in my lap, I start over what I failed at earlier.

“You know, this thing, this unload all your ugly crap thing, it goes both ways.”

He smirks. “I don’t have any ugly crap.”

I bounce my leg, jarring him from his comfortable position and his hands fly up in surrender. “Alright, alright. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” He chuckles as he lifts his head to kiss me.

“No trying to distract me. I’m serious. I don’t want there to be anything left between us. I want it all in the open. The good, the bad. The past. What we want for the future.”

He lays his head back down. “That’s easy. You. I want a future with you.”

I have to fight the urge to jump to my feet and break down in an all-out happy dance. Just knowing I feel that way makes me feel like a fucking sap. An insanely happy sap, but a fucking sap none the less. The only comforting thought I can conjure up is reminding myself that I know for a fact Blaise has broken into his share of happy dances. He’s done it in front of Ava, andwith her nothing is so sacred that she won’t talk about it, especially if it’s likely to garner a laugh. Which this story did. A lot of laughs.

So, whatever. Blaise is about as macho an asshole there ever was, and he didn’t hesitate to break into a jive the first time Ava absentmindedly referenced having children with him. Someday. Nothing specific. But there he’d been, jiving his badass little heart out.

Anyway, I hold back on the dancing, but the ear-to-ear grin is completely unstoppable.

“I’m glad you want a future with me. That’s what I want, too. But I think we both know we have yet to agree on a path of how to get there. So, in the meantime, tell me how you got here.”

I stroke his jet-black hair, running my fingers over his scalp. It doesn’t matter where I touch him, the feel of his skin on mine continues to send indescribable sensations through my entire body.

Hudson gazes up at me, big brown eyes searching mine for reassurance and I give it by waiting patiently until he’s ready.

“So, you know I was born in Texas. Well, my father is from there. Huge family. Very religious.” He clears his throat. “How he ever ended up with my mother in the first place, I’ll never understand, but I guess she was sort of a novelty to him while he provided some sort of security for her. I don’t know. Anyway, I don’t remember ever having that ‘holy shit, I’m gay moment.’ It was just always kind of a given. I was different. I felt different. And even though I understood pretty early on that most boys liked girls, I was also exposed to plenty of my mother’s artists friends, many of whom were gay. I guess I felt mostcomfortable around them from the start.” The whole time he speaks, his eyes stay locked on mine.

“Naturally, my dad hated my mother’s crowd, so she kept the two pretty separate. Then, somewhere along the way, I became part of that crowd and there was no way to keep one from the other anymore.”

I let my thumb glide down his cheek and along his jaw. “How did he react?”

Hudson snorts. “Not well. I was twelve when he caught on to the fact that I liked boys. It wasn’t like anyone had been keeping it a secret from him, just hadn’t come straight out and told him. Honestly, it hadn’t ever occurred to me that I would need to. Well, shit hit the fan and next thing I know, my father had me seeing a counselor for a little something called reparative therapy.”

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