Page 42 of Secret Hudson

It’s the perfect ending to our tour and if it wasn’t for the fact that for the first time ever I’m not going home to be alone in my empty house, I might be sad to leave come Monday morning.

As usual, we split ways at the airport. Each of us head home to our own places. It’s always weird to separate after going everywhere together for so long. Although, to be fair, I’ve yet to ever have to make that trip completely solo. Living next door to Ava and Blaise means we share a car until we part at our driveways.

This time, Hudson is here too.

“Wow. This is your place?” He takes a few steps back to try and get a better view of the whole house.

“Yeah. It’s ridiculously big, I know. I only got it because it was next door to Blaise, and I was scared of being cut off from the whole world if I lived somewhere totally alone. That probably sounds weird.” I shake my head, kinda wishing I hadn’t bothered to explain that. “Anyway, it’ll be nice to have someone else in the house to answer me when I walk around the halls yelling,I’m lost again.”

I lead the way up to the door and a few seconds later we’re both standing inside the foyer. I drop the bags near the stairs and keep going, excited to give him a full tour of the place, but Hudson stays rooted just three feet past the front door.

“What’s wrong?”

“How are you going to explain this? Me being here with you? Even as we pulled up, there were at least ten paparazzi parked right outside your gate. They’re going to see me coming and going. Unless you plan on keeping me here forever, trapped in a tower somewhere.”

I didn’t really think about that. Purposely. I don’t have an answer.

“I don’t know.”

“And how long? I mean, am I visiting? Are you asking me to move in?”

“Is that something you would want to do? Would you live here? Permanently?”

I guess I sort of took some things for granted. Like the fact that he has a home back east. A life. A job. His mother. It’s just that after being together twenty-four hours a day while we were on the road, I sort of assumed nothing would change.

“In a heartbeat. But, if you want this to be my home, I have to be able to live here. Really live here. No sneaking around. No worrying about who might see what, or what pictures might get taken. I won’t hide, Royce.”

I nod. “I know that. I would never ask you to do that. I mean, I can see why you would think that, obviously, I have...asked you to do that. But, yes, I want this to be your home. Our home.” The happy dance urges are dulled by the upcoming compromise. “Just...I won’t be explaining any of it toanyone. If they jump to conclusions, I’ll let them, but that’s the most I have to offer right now.”

Hudson smiles. “I’m good with that.” Finally, he starts to move. Dropping his bag beside mine, he comes up beside me and takes my hand. “Alright, babe. Show me our place.”

HUDSON

Almost a month has passed since we got back to L.A., and while part of me wondered if the fantasy bubble would burst the moment day to day reality set it, it couldn’t have been farther from the truth.

Things are better than ever. Even though Royce isn’t going out of his way to go public with our relationship, he isn’t dating women anymore, so that’s a definite plus.

Living together without the rest of the band sitting in the living room or sleeping down the hall, means we get to learn a whole new way of being together. Of being just us.

We cook meals together. Take turns with the chores. Watch each other’s favorite movies. Spend hours upon hours listening to every album we deem musically important. Sit with our coffees in the courtyard for entire afternoons discussing everything and nothing, arguing, sometimes fighting, and finally, laughing. Always laughing.

The only time we aren’t together, are the hours I spend working. After weeks of shooting non-stop images of the band, I have about a million pictures to sort through, edit and prepare for my presentation with Ava and the publisher. It makes for an interesting new dynamic, me being so focused andsometimes buried in my work until late at night while Royce is on break until it’s time to hit the recording studio again next month. But I like it. He’s incredibly nurturing and caring when he has the time and energy to be so. And I find myself constantly surprised by new and unexpected sides of him, so endearing and lovable it makes it harder and harder to bear, knowing how he feels about himself. It’s inconceivable really, how someone so loved could still hate himself so much.

So, I decide it’s time to do something about it. It’s time to show him the truth. And with Christmas right around the corner, now seems as perfect a time as ever. I even know exactly how I’m going to do it. I just can’t do it alone. Therefore, the following Saturday night, we go next door to have a pre-holiday dinner with Blaise and Ava. Or, at least, that’s what Royce thinks we’re doing.

CHAPTER TWENTY

ROYCE

“Hello?” I fumble my hand along the wall inside the door. “Why is it so fucking dark in here? You guys forget to pay your power bill or something?”

When I finally hit the switch, it doesn’t exactly give me the results I was looking for. Instead of the main light filling up the room, five spotlights shine down from the ceiling. Four of them are filled with my best friends. The fifth is empty.

“Okay. What’s going on?”

Hudson doesn’t say anything. He just takes my hand and walks me toward the others, starting with Ava.

“Hey, handsome.” She smiles, but even in the dim lighting, the heavy shine on her eyes speaks volumes about her emotions and I’m instantly freaked out.

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