Page 37 of Secret Hudson

“Are you fucking with me?”

I shake my head. “No.” I know it doesn’t make any sense and I don’t expect him to understand.

“Royce, you’re in love with a man. That already makes you that guy.” He's getting more and more animated the less he can comprehend things and it's making me panic.

“I know that. But knowing and saying it out loud, owning it...it’s different. You don’t get it. You wouldn’t.” I hang my head. This isn’t going to lead to anything.

Blaise is quiet for a long time. He taps his thumb on the table slowly.

“You’re not scared of how others will see you. You’re afraid that coming out will make you see yourself.”

I glance up, chest heavy, eyes stinging. “Bingo.”

HUDSON

“Hey.”

I open my eyes as little as possible. Apparently pretending to be asleep isn’t going to be as successful in granting me some privacy as I’d hoped.

“What’s up, Angel?”

I don't exactly mean that to be an invitation but judging from the way he steps over my legs and moves my stuff, being stretched out and placing my camera bag on the seat beside me also isn’t going to keep anyone from sitting with me.

“You don’t mind, do you? Derek has spent the last three hours analyzing what Sammy’s last little visit means for their relationship and I can’t fucking take it anymore.”

I sit up and crane my neck to look back to where Derek is busy chatting up Darrel toward the tail end of the plane. Considering there are only seven of us on board, not counting the pilots and stewardess, I'm not all that sure why Angel feels he needs to sit by me of all people, given all the empty seats available, but asking would be an asshole move, and I'm really fuckingover people and their asshole moves. I'm in no mood to contribute to the asshole move epidemic.

“Think they’ll work it out in the end?” I'm not sure I really care one way or the other right now, but if I have the choice between talking about Derek’s relationship or mine, I'm definitely going with Derek’s.

“Honestly? I think it’s a fucking train wreck in the making. But I know Derek. He’ll see this through until the very end. It won’t matter how miserable she makes him, he’ll stay in this marriage forever, unless she gets her shit together and walks away for good.”

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe talking about Derek’s relationship isn’t better. “Why do you think he’ll stay?”

Angel shrugs. “He made a promise. He took vows. That shit means something to him. Derek is about the most honorable dude you’re ever gonna meet. That’s why it’s so insane when Sammy comes along accusing him of shit we all know he’d never do, not in a million fucking years.”

The whole thing is getting me thinking. “So, tell me. Has any one of you guys ever had a relationship that was actually worth something?”

Angel looks surprised, as if the question seems odd to him. “Shit, yeah. Have you met Blaise and Ava?”

I snort. “Yeah, okay. Ava and Blaise. Just based on what little I know about her controlling, bossy little ass, I can only imagine how fucking healthy that set up is.”

“Whoa, dude,” he holds up his hands, “I know you’ve had kind of a crash course in terms of what life is like with us, and you and Royce have a thing and all, and I respect that, but talking shit about Ava, that ain’t gonna fly, man.”

“That’s fine. Whatever. Sorry.” I shift in my seat trying to get back into a sleep worthy position in hopes Angel will get the message. He doesn’t. Or, if he does, he completely rejects it.

“Nah, not whatever. You want to say stuff, say it. But be prepared to have your shit set straight.”

I blow out a loud breath through flared nostrils. I'm way too wound up from the night before to be having this conversation. “Look, all I’m saying is sometimes it seems as if she lets the almighty manager power go to her head. I don’t know what she does for you or Derek, but I’ve seen how she meddles in Royce’s life, so I can only imagine what she must do to Blaise. But hey, if everyone is cool with that, that’s fine by me. I’m just not going to sit by and have her dicking around in my business anymore.”

“First of all,” he sits up straighter, “yeah, she meddles, but we all do. So do you, by the way, or don’t you remember jumping in to help Derek with your little camera trick? Being in everyone’s business is a side effect of always knowing everyone’s business, and when you live the way we do that can’t be avoided.” He takes a breath and I realize there's more. “As far as what she does for Blaise, that’s simple. She loves him. And I don’t mean the pretty kind of love people like to watch in movies or read about in books. This is a battered, bruised and broken, but still standing, kinda love. The kind fucked up individuals like us need, but don’t think for one second we deserve, provided it even exists for us at all. And don’t think we don’t all know that some shit went down between you and Royce last night. No need to have a band meeting to figure out Blaise and Ava staying behind with him has something to do with it. So, whilethey’re busy putting Royce back together, I’m going to do my part and set you right again.”

His eyes narrow. “I don’t care what happened between you guys. I’m not even taking sides, and believe it or not, I like you, Hudson. I really do. But you need to decide right now what kind of love you’re capable of. Because if it doesn’t exceed Sammy’s limited capabilities, you need to just walk away before this goes any further.” His face relaxes again. “Look, I’m not stupid. I know we ain’t easy to be with. It’s no accident I’m still single. I know damn well I need that battered, beat to shit kind of love from someone, and that’s not something anyone can ask of another person. They have to just give it anyway.”

Then, as unexpectedly as he came, he gets up and leaves again. I don’t bother trying to fake sleep after that. We have hours left on this flight, but I have a pretty good hunch no one else will be coming to talk to me. Angel already said all there is to say.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

ROYCE

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