Page 41 of Tin

It’s like he’s just knocked the wind out of me. Months it’s been. Months of lying beside him naked and never once truly exposing myself. Or, at least, that’s the delusion I’d created for myself. Turns out he’s seen me all along. All of me. Everything I thought was carefully hidden, right there in plain sight.

“I’m...sorry.” It’s all I’ve got. That and an instinct to bolt. Right now. “I shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have to...I shouldn’t be here.” It’s like I’m on autopilot as my legs start marching for the door, still holding the same disgusting box that started all of this.

Behind me, Riker scrambles to his feet, and I move faster. But he beats me to the door anyway. His hand flies out over my shoulder to hold it shut just as my hand struggles to reach the handle while still balancing the box in the other.

He doesn’t even say anything. Just takes the box from me and places it on the floor where he pushes it off into the corner. Then he cups my face with both hands, cradling my cheeks in his palms, and stares me down. Hard. Long. Unwavering. And I know. He’s not letting me go. Not today. Not ever.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

RIKER

Fuck me.Fuck me and my stupid mouth. Why did I have to push her? Now she’s crying and I can’t even help because she won’t fucking tell me where the darkness hides or why it keeps coming back for her. And it always comes back for her.

I would give anything to protect her from it. Anything. Only this time I’m the asshole who woke it up and I’ve got nothing to fight it with.

So I hold her. I keep her shaking, sobbing body pressed to mine, and I’m reminded over and over just how fragile she is. She’s strong, but she’s broken. And the pieces that are left are hardly holding onto one another. All I’ve got is my love for her to put them back together, but she won’t take it.

“Breathe, baby. Please, just...breathe.” I kiss the top of her head. The side of it. Her forehead. Anywhere my lips can reach her. “I’m an asshole. I shouldn’t have gone through your stuff. You have every right to your privacy.” I stroke her back, my fingers moving through her soft, thick hair. Suddenly it feels like the most solid thing about her. Like she’s dissolving right here in my arms. It scares me. “Keep your secrets. All of them. Just let me keepyou.”

She still doesn’t say anything, but her breathing is getting calmer, and her hands are moving, touching me, holding onto me, because I’m her safe place. And that’s all I’ll ever need to be.

QUINN

We didn’t go out tonight. We didn’t make love either. We just lay here. Entangled in one another, staring at each other. For hours we’ve been like this. Not saying anything. I don’t think I’ve ever learned so much about another person without uttering a word.

He’s been studying me too. But it’s different than before. I don’t feel like he’s looking for the things I don’t want him to know. He’s not trying to understand. Just accepting what is. And that means more to me than I could ever tell him.

So I’ll tell him what I can. What he wants to know. What I swore I wouldn’t share. After he answers one question.

“Why do you hate Nox so much?”

He looks almost startled, as if I yelled it instead of the quiet whisper it actually was. I guess that’s what happens when no one says anything for several hours.

“I don’t hate Nox.” He stretches his arm and adjusts his head a bit.

“Liar.” I slide my hand under my cheek for extra cushioning. The pillow’s losing its fluff from lying on it this whole time.

“Fine. I hate his four-legged ass.” He laughs when he says it, though.

“But why? He’s so smart.” I don’t think I’ve ever been around a horse like him.

“That’s why I hate him.” His hand moves up to take a fallen strand of hair out of my face. Sometimes I still find it strange how comfortable I am with him in my space. Like right now as he’s tucking the hair behind my ear. It’s such a simple thing. I should be doing it myself, but by some miracle I’m okay with him doing it for me. If only I could feel that way about everything.

“You hate a horse because he’s smart. That seems like an odd reason. No?” I should drop it. After all, I would want him to if the roles were reversed and I was purposely not answering a question.

“You’re right. It’s bullshit.” He sighs. “I hate Nox because he’s a selfish son of a bitch who refused to let me wallow in my own misery when all I wanted was to stay in bed until I died there.”

“Oh.” Not the response I was expecting.

He grants me half of a smile, and then, even though I can tell it isn’t easy for him, he continues, “He wasn’t always like this. You know, how he won’t let anyone handle him? When my grandfather was alive, he would put kids on him, and he would be just as calm and gentle as a fucking Golden Retriever. Nox loved people. He loved my grandfather. We all did.” His gaze drops down to my free hand resting on the mattress near my stomach, and his fingers travel down to interlock with mine. “When he died, it changed Nox. He was still friendly. Just...sad. And it only got worse. Then more shit hit the fan, and I wasn’t going out there anymore. I just needed a fucking break, you know? Some sort of an escape from everything that had happened. I took off in my truck one morning and didn’t stop for two days. When I finally couldn’t keep going, I was somewhere in the middle of Nevada. I stopped in some shady little motel, bought a bottle of bourbon, and went straight to bed. Didn’t get up for a week straight.

“Then Sid called. Nox wasn’t eating. He was destroying everything in sight and had nearly injured three people. Herself included. They’d tried everything. Nothing was working, and the vet insisted he wasn’t sick... but that he wouldn’t last long at the rate he was going.” His eyes travel upward to find mine again. “He left me no choice. Just because I wanted to die, didn’t mean I was going to let him go with me. So I got back in my truck. Drove another thirty-four hours straight to get home and fed him his supper. Then I spent the night in his stall, and I stood there with him, eye to eye, and I understood. He knew what I was doing. That I was giving up. And he wasn’t going to let me. He saved me. And I’ve fucking hated him for it ever since. Until now.”

I feel the pressure on my hand as he squeezes it.

“I’m glad he saved you,” I whisper.

“Me too.” His soft rumble warms me at the pit of my stomach and spreads up into my chest. “I’m even happier he brought me you.”

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