Page 9 of Tin

Kirsten puts a bowl of oatmeal down in front of me as well, and I smile politely. I know she means well. She even musters a smile of her own, in spite of the conversation I’ve started. “The Shepherdson family practically owns this whole town. Apparently, they settled out here a gazillion years ago and claimed every kernel of sand before anyone else got here.”

Nate chuckles. “That’s not entirely accurate, hon. Earl Shepherdson came out with his family back when there was nothing but open country out here. They settled inland. Made their living from raising cattle. Later, his son William took over. He’s the one who took the land they owned and turned it into a fortune. By the time his son and grandson came along, the family business was booming. And yeah, now they own damn near every vacation rental between here and the moon. Including the place you’re talking about.”

I experience one of those light bulb sensations. “Hey, was that Earl Shepherdson’s ranch we were at yesterday for Sophie’s party?” I’d seen the sign. Just hadn’t really registered it. Until now. If it was the Shepherdson ranch, it would make sense.

“It was.” Nate puts down his paper, giving up on it for good. “His son Willie—William—lived there his whole life. Right up until he died about four years ago. Supposedly the ranch went to family. His grandson’d be my guess, but as far as I know, no one’s doing much with it these days. Other than just keeping it running.”

I slurp some oatmeal from my spoon. Sophie giggles. Kirsten shoots a dagger from her eyeballs straight for my face. I slurp some more. “So who’s this stupid grandson of his letting the place go to waste?”

Nate’s trying hard not to smile. Not because he thinks slurping oatmeal is funny, but because his daughter does, and her little laugh is nothing if not infectious. But then, so is my sister’s scowl. “James Shepherdson. And I don’t know that I would call him stupid.”

I cock my brow. “Really? If you ask me, anyone who has access to a place like that and then just sits on it sounds pretty damn stupid to me.” My whole life I fantasized about owning a ranch like that one someday. I spent hours upon hours just dreaming up all the things I would do with it. Horse-related services I would offer. Training facilities I would set up. The list went on and on.

But Nate doesn’t get it. Why would he? He’s a suit and tie guy who probably hasn’t ever stood close enough to a horse to even know what one smells like.

“You know, for someone who has a pretty interesting story of her own, you’re pretty quick to jump to conclusions on someone else’s, Quinn. The Shepherdson family went through hell these last few years. James Senior and his daughter were killed in a car crash almost five years ago. Old Willie had a stroke the night it happened because he couldn’t cope, and then died less than six months later. The wholefamily empire landed square in his grandson’s lap, and there’s a whole hell of lot more to it than just enjoying the fortunes it comes with.” Nate lowers his head, shaking it slowly, and I wonder how much more he knows that he’s not telling. I get the feeling he knows this James guy personally. Like maybe they were friends in the past. “I’m guessing that’s why his wife took off. Took all three kids with her. After that, James Shepherdson just kind of dropped off the face of the earth. Business is still running, though. Ranch is still standing. So he’s a far cry from stupid if you ask me. Unmotivated, maybe. But not stupid.”

“Fair enough.” I suddenly feel like I need to play a one-upping game of personal tragedies with this guy. It’s stupid. I don’t even know him. And, in all fairness, he’d probably win. I’m pretty sure I’d have to disqualify myself anyway, since tragedies typically aren’t self-inflicted. Besides, really, I just feel like an ass for being so judgmental and then being called out for it, by Nate of all people.

“Why are you asking about the Shepherdson place anyway?” Kirsten’s otherwise perfect face is still showing a distinct line of disapproval straight across her forehead.

“Wasn’t really asking. Merely pointing out that there’s a castle bigger than your majesty’s sitting smack in the middle of your kingdom.”

This time Nate’s not as successful at hiding his amusement, and Kirsten swats him with a dishtowel. “God! You two are ridiculous. Why would I care if there’s another house bigger than mine? Ours.” Her little slip is reason enough to drop the topic altogether and move onto something else. “Meanwhile, C.J. invited all of us over to their place today. Rick is cooking out on the grill and she’s invited over a few other families as well. The girls can all play in the pool. It’ll be fun.” She’s nodding at me with an extra dose of enthusiasm, probably hoping some of it will spill over and land in my oatmeal or something.

I push away my bowl. Just in case. “Sounds like you guys are going to have a great time.”

“And?” The only thing raised higher than her brows right now are her expectations of me.

“And I’ll be there suffering in silence.” Only, even as I say it, I realize I’m not actually bothered by the prospect of spending the day with Kirsten’s friends. I wait a moment to see if the panic attack is merely delayed today, but nothing happens. I feel...nothing. Not happy. But I’m not visualizing myself crawling up the walls using my teeth and fingernails either, so that’s bound to mean something.

Apparently, Kirsten’s noticed as well. “What’s going on?”

I do my best to look innocent, but I feel a smirk spreading on my face, so I reach for my glass of juice to try and hide it. “Whaddayamean?”

“You. There’s something different. You didn’t even try to get out of coming with us. What happened between yesterday evening and this morning to take you from the terrified of happy people recluse to this casual ‘sure why not, parties are no big deal for me’ person sitting in front of me?”

Cowboy and his five orgasms happened. But I can’t tell her that. She’ll freak. Provided she even believes me. Actually, she probably won’t. I set my glass down and look her straight in the eyes. “I got laid.”

Without saying anything to either of us, Nate gets up from his seat and scoops Sophie up in his arms. “Come on, sweetie. We’re going to let the big girls sort this one out without us.”

Kirsten waits for her husband and daughter to turn the corner and disappear down the hall. “You going to tell me what’s really going on now, or what?”

I want to. I really do. I want nothing more in this world than to tell my sister everything. But I’ve tried. So many times. We never agree. Neither of us ever understands the other. In the end, I’m neverable to live up to her standards. I understand why she sets them so high. I really do. But I can’t stand letting her down anymore. I don’t want to see her disappointment, or the disapproval she’s bound to express if I tell her what really happened.Whoreally changed me. So I don’t. I lie.

“Honestly? I went for a run just like I said I was going to. I just went for a longer run than I’ve ever gone before. After our talk in the car...and being out with the horses again...I felt like everything was closing in on me and I just needed to...blow off some steam.” I shrug. “So I did. And I didn’t come home until all of that pent-up anxiety and anger and fear mellowed out a bit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still all broody and cranky just like before.” I grin to ease the tension. “But going out last night definitely took the edge off.”

Kirsten scans me with her mommy vision, and I’m really hoping it won’t work on me since I’m her sister. “Well, if running is really all it takes, may I suggest you start upping your mileage? Maybe even start going twice a day?” She breaks into a small smile as well. “Because this is nice. Seeing you less tense. It’s almost like some old part of you is clawing its way back to the surface.”

I do my best to smile back. “Yeah. Maybe.” I don’t have the heart to tell her that’s not possible.

As per Kirsten’s suggestions, I do start running twice a day. However, it’s not really having the same effect since I’m purposely running my old route. The one that takes me away from Cowboy and not to him.

I mean, I got the feeling I was welcome back when I left, but it wasn’t exactly discussed. Nothing was really discussed. That was a big part of what I liked about our encounter. The absence of talking. The lack of questions. The just being. No past. And sure as hell no future. And with that in mind, I keep running. As far away from his place as possible.

Until now. It’s five a.m. and I’m on the sand. Alone. Running for my life. Running toward his house. I had a dream.Thedream. Only this time I couldn’t wake up in time. When I finally broke free from the iron grip of my own sleep, I was drenched in sweat and screaming. Thank God for the extra soundproofing they did when they turned the downstairs into the gaming slash movie room, or Kirsten would have been standing over me with a kitchen knife in hand and the cops on their way, ready to fight off whatever was coming for me. Only it’s too late for that. She can’t stop something that already happened. Neither can I. But with Cowboy’s help, I can forget.

It’s not until I’m standing in front of his door in the dark about to knock that I realize how insane this is. He doesn’t know me. I don’t know him. One random hookup does not give me permission to stand on his doorstep in the early morning hours expecting another one. On the other hand, I’ve never met a guy who turned down sex.

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