Page 13 of Tin

The car stops and I realize we’re here. “First of all, you are gorgeous. Second, I’m not a ten. A nine, maybe, but that’s not important right now. And third, I want men to find you attractive. In fact, I would love nothing more than for you to meet a wonderfulguy and fall in love and have the kind of life I have with Nate. What I don’t want is to have to worry about you. And when I see you falling right back into your old life, that’s all I can do.”

I want to get out of the car so badly right now, just so I have a door to slam in her face, but I don’t. And for Sophie’s sake, I clench my jaw and grit my teeth to keep from shouting. “How can you even say that to me, Kirsten? I’m not the one who keeps dragging us out here. You are. I’ve done nothing to start up old habits. Nothing.”

She shakes her head. “You honestly don’t see it.”

“See what?” I can see me losing my freaking mind if she keeps this up, but that’s about all.

“He’s Jackson,” she whispers so Sophie won’t hear.

The sound of his name is enough to send chills down my spine, and a brick lands in the pit of my stomach. I can’t even answer her.

“That guy. He’s totally Jackson—the way he dresses in those jeans and long-sleeve work shirts. The whole unshaven thing and the horses. It’s so obvious, Quinn. And in the months you’ve been here, he’s the first guy you’ve been interested in. Why do you suppose that is?”

I close my eyes as if that will somehow take away the sound of her voice and the words she’s saying, but all it does is make me see the thing that makes me scream in the dead of night and sends me running for comfort from the only person who’s ever been able to give it.

“You’re wrong, Kirsten.” My voice is eerily calm. “About him. And me.”

“Quinn, you don’t even know him—”

“I knew Jackson. And the things that attracted me to him had nothing to do with the way he dressed or that he was too lazy to use a razor more than once every two weeks. The horse thing, fine, that played a role. But all the other stuff, the stuff that sucked me in and held me captive, all that stuff you never saw. But I did. I know whatit looks like, and I’m telling you that if I ever see it again, I won’t be flirting, I’ll be throwing punches and a swift kick straight to the balls.”

This time I do get out of the car, although I miraculously manage to refrain from throwing the door back into place. Wouldn’t have mattered either way, because Kirsten is already out as well and headed for the back seat to get out Sophie.

Her lips are pressed into a thin line. For once, I don’t think it’s because she’s mad at me. Mostly, I think she’s not convinced she doesn’t have a good reason to worry. Hell. Maybe she does. I am sleeping with a man I hardly know and have no intention of getting to know any better. Although, from where I’m standing, it’s the smartest thing I’ve ever done when it comes to men. Maybe that’s because it’s the first time I can honestly say my heart isn’t in it and my brain is making all of the decisions.

For the time being, Kirsten seems to be done scolding me, though, so I put on my semi-polite public face and follow her toward the main barn. A woman in her early thirties with black hair cut in one of those cute short pixies is walking out to greet us. She’s pretty, and for some stupid reason I feel like I know her. I probably saw her during Sophie’s party, although I honestly have no recollection of her. But I was in a pretty foul mood for the most part that day, so who’s to say what I did or didn’t see.

“Well, hello there, Miss Sophie,” she greets. “Are you ready to get some serious one-on-one horse time with our Sassy girl today?”

Sophie starts jumping up and down, squealing a loud yes. I’m thinking she’s ready.

“Hi, Kirsten.” She shakes hands with my sister before turning toward me. “And you must be the famous Aunt Quinn. I’m Sidney. Sophie was telling me all about you and your barrel racing days last time she was here.”

I nod uncomfortably. Barrel racing seems like a lifetime ago now. “Yep, that’s me. Although I’m pretty sure I’m not nearly as famous as Sophie made me out to be.” At least not for the years I spent in the rodeo circuit.

“Well, we’ve always got plenty of horses in need of exercising if you ever want to come out and ride. Experienced riders are hard to come by around here.” It’s a really nice offer, but I know I can’t accept it.

“Thanks, but I haven’t ridden in years.” I glance over at Kirsten, surprised she hasn’t chimed in yet. Then we both see Riker at the same time, and her mouth opens instantly.

“Horses were really more of a childhood phase for her. Unfortunately, I do believe she’s grown out of them.” She gives me a look I don’t have to struggle to interpret. She’s reminding me of our little conversation about Jackson. As if I need reminding. It was less than five minutes ago.

“Well, that’s too bad. But if you ever change your mind, our barn doors are always open.” Sidney smiles warmly. Then she notices Riker as well. Kirsten’s face looks like it might explode when Sidney actually waves him over. “Hey. You got a sec?”

He rolls his eyes, clearly wishing he was too busy to agree to her request. I’m a little offended since he’s definitely seen me at this point.

“What’s up?” He completely ignores the rest of us, instead busying himself with readjusting the baseball cap he’s wearing today as if it’s a really big, really important job. On the plus side, I’m assuming the talk about keeping our hookups a secret won’t be necessary.

“Sophie’s here for her first lesson, but I haven’t had a chance to bring Sassy in yet. Do you mind? I’m going to go take her down to the tack room and start there.”

He nods. “You got it, boss.”

She laughs. “Yeah, okay.” She shoves him playfully. “Just go get the horse, would ya?”

He doesn’t smile, or even do the half-grin thing, but I can tell he likes giving her a hard time. He likes her. And suddenly ignoring me makes all the sense in the world. It also totally pisses me off. I don’t mind being used since I’m using him too. But the whole point of what we’re doing is for no one to get hurt. If he’s got a thing going with Sidney, that sort of negates the whole premise right there.

I watch as he takes off toward the pasture behind the main barn.

“Right this way, ladies.” Sidney begins leading us all inside.

---