Page 65 of Don't Fall

She narrows her eyes, head tilting sideways. “You tell me.”

I can’t.

“Oh, nothing. I’m just tired,” I say, flicking my wrist in a dismissive wave to emphasize just how meaningless my little episode of walking dead Tessa is.

“Liar.” But her suspicion fades just the same. She’s not going to press the issue, just accepts that there is one. “Anything I can do to help?”

I shrug, listlessly. “Wanna buy my car for seven grand?”

“I’m pretty set with my little Fiat, but I’ll put the word out.” She smiles, and even though it’s meant to encourage me, I think we’re both a little sadder for it.

“Thanks.” I turn back out toward the parking lot. I don’t remember where I left my car. I don’t remember much of anything beyond watching my mother cut through some shrubs and disappear in the woods leading out to the main road behind our complex.

As if Cara senses my need for direction, she takes me hand and together we start walking. “You’re scaring me a little,” she says under her breath as we get farther away from the building. “But you’re the toughest chick I know, so if you’re telling me you’ve got this, whatever this is that’s fucking with you, I’ll believe you and let you handle it. But if at any point, you decide it’s too much, or you just want a goddamn break, you tell me. And I’ll be there, okay?” She squeezes my hand tight, drawing my attention back to her. “Tessa?”

I nod. “Okay.” We’ve reached my Honda. Next step will be figuring out where to go from here.

Cara watches me a second longer, then reaches both arms around me in a hug that’s bigger and stronger than one might imagine from someone so tiny. She squeezes so hard, all of the shit I’ve been shoving down all morning nearly spills out of me.

“I love you,” she reminds me. “You’ve got this.” Then she releases me, and I feel oddly lighter, if even for a second.

Having been sucked back into my present by Cara, the drive home is vivid and loud, almost offending my senses after having been disconnected from them. When I get out of the car and face my building, reality just keeps pounding away at me. Decisions must be made. Changes must be set in motion. Ties must be cut.

Dragging my feet up the stairs one at a time, I repeat the same speech to myself over and over. You can do this. Keep your eyes up. Push forward. No matter what. You don’t go down. If you go down, you take him with you. Going down is not an option.

Halfway to the top, I feel the shift. I’m not scraping my way through this, I’m facing it head on. Maybe my mother can force me to give it all up, but she can’t make me crumble. Can’t make me meek. Not when I’ve been fighting her all my life. All those battles didn’t make me smaller. They made me strong.

Stomping my foot down hard on the landing, I face off with both doors. One leading home. The other leading onward.

My heart pulls left, but my head is making all of my decisions now. And it goes right.

Offering Drea and the same limited courtesy she usually show me, I burst into her living room, preparing to face off with Scott’s naked ass if need be. After my mother, nothing scares me anymore.

“What the hell happened to you last night?” Drea demands as soon as she sees me. She’s fully clothed and sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of soggy looking cereal. Clearly Scott is working today.

“Last night?” I can’t remember that far back. What was last night? Oh, right. Barf. “Bart went all asshole on me when he figured out I wasn’t a legit date and more of a friend fill-in date. But, I don’t have time to rehash all of that right now. I have bigger problems,” I announce, dropping down in the chair beside her.

“Do they involve trying to make your sexy professor commit to more than just a booty call? Because I’m working on that already.” She takes a bite of cereal, then makes a face. It’s no extra crunchy bagel.

“My mom showed up,” I say flatly.

Drea freezes. “What?”

“She found out about the condo and she wants her cut, or she’s going to report Lane.” My voice is steely and unwavering, I hardly even recognize it.

“What are you going to do?” Drea’s eyes are wide and filled with the early onset of full on panic. I get it. I was there earlier. I’ve moved on.

“I bought some time, but I need to sell my car ASAP and I need to get more than it’s worth. That’s the pre-plan. The give her what she wants in the moment plan.”

“What happens after that?”

“The she doesn’t get shit else plan where I end things with Lane, move out, give Meredith

what she wants and surrender the condo to her and my mother gets nothing.” It’s simple, and tidy and the only one who has to suffer my mother’s wrath, is me. In a shit world, with shit options, it’s the perfect plan.

I sense by Drea’s slow moving reaction, she’s going to need convincing. “I don’t like this plan. Fine, your mother gets nothing. But you get nothing too. Worse, you have to give up everything.”

“She’s my mother. If anyone has to sacrifice on her account, it’s going to be me. And I’m okay with that.” I’m not okay with the alternatives.

---