Page 44 of Forget Me Not

I stretch my leg out and drop it down to the bottom, finally landing on solid ground with a plop. Feels exceptionally appropriate somehow. To fall. Land with very limited grace. Intentionally. That’s me. Always being slightly sucky. Maybe not on purpose, but always fully aware of my shortcomings.

“It’s not about feeling guilty. Although, thanks for that. I was looking for more ways to drown inside the spiraling thoughts of my tangly, troubled mind.” I scrub my hands over my face, trying to wipe away any and all emotions resting on the surface. If I’d known I was going to be analyzed by Cammie first thing this morning, I would have put a paper bag over my head before walking out the door.

“Come on.” She tugs my elbow to get me moving again. “I’ll walk with you. We’ll get a coffee and you can talk. Just, whatever comes out – I’ll listen. No judgement, I swear. But you gotta get out what’s going on in that weird-ass head of yours. You can’t just wait for Gun to come along and read your mind anymore. That’s done. And it’s okay. You can do this without him. I promise.” She nudges my hip with hers and smiles. I almost believe her. I’m also reminded of just how annoying I find him and his mind reading abilities.

“For the record, I always hated that. Did I get used to it? Sure. Did it save me some time sorting through my own thoughts and going through the trouble of verbalizing them? Absolutely. But do I wish I’d had the privilege of privacy when it came to my own goddamn thoughts?! Hell, yes! And that goes for you too. Butt out of my brain.” As soon as the words are out, I want to recant them. “At least until I invite you in,” I mutter, purposely looking straight ahead so I don’t see her smirking at me. Open book. I’m a fucking open book. And I hate it.

Chapter Eleven

Gun

7Years Earlier

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“What do you mean, you’re leaving? You can’t leave. Leaving. That’s the thing we don’t do. Ever. Unless we do it together...and I don’t remember you inviting me to tag along this time.”

Cooper practically drapes her entire body over my bag, sprawling out her arms and legs in hopes it will deter me from packing.

“You’re being dramatic.” I grab her knee and flip it back, tossing the rest of her along with it, straight into my pillows. She’s lucky I moved the bag to the bed before she got here, otherwise her landing would have been a little less comfortable and likely too close to the hamper for her to appreciate. “I’m not leaving forever. It’s nine weeks. That’s all.”

She scrambles back into an upright position, pouting, but forgoing any more physical protesting for the moment. “That’s longer than we’ve ever been apart, Gun. Nine weeks...that’s like three months!”

I stop stuffing socks into the end pocket of my duffel bag and stare at her. “Your math sucks. Seriously, how are you graduating in ten days? Nine weeks doesn’t come close to three months, it’s barely more than two.”

She shrugs. “See, I need you to stay and tutor me in math.”

I resume my stuffing of the socks. She’s being ridiculous. “Coop, I can’t stay. You know that. This isn’t even up to me, it’s up to Mr. B.” I zip up the end pocket with the sort of grandeur I hope will translate into zipping up this conversation.

She whines, plopping herself back into my pillows. “I hate this.”

I drag the bag off the bed and let it drop to the floor where it lands on the carpet with a thud. Then I stretch out alongside her. “You hate this because you don’t get to leave, or you hate this because you have to stay?”

“Wait. You just asked me the same question two different ways.”

I shake my head, hooking my finger into her belt loop and tugging it to get her undivided attention. “No, I didn’t. Are you jealous because I’m taking off on an adventure without you? Or, are you worried about being here on your own? Is there some reason staying where you are is a problem? Anything you haven’t told me about but should have?”

Cooper’s eyes stay locked on mine for a long while as she contemplates my questions. “I like where I’m at right now. Mags is amazing, like a hippie aunt or something, I mean, she’s not exactly normal, but normal is overrated. I’m good where I’m at, I swear.” She sighs. “And I’m not jealous. I’m actually happy for you. I think this is going to bereallygood for you, I mean, an opportunity like this for a kid like us, that’s pretty fucking amazing really. And, you can stop making it sound like Mr. B is forcing you. I know it was a big deal he chose you. I’m not surprised, but I still get that it means something.” She nudges my shoulder with hers. “Guess you’re kind of a big deal around here now.”

I laugh at the thought. “Hardly. But I appreciate it, you know? I mean, sure, I’m going to be working, but I’m going to learn some real skills, shit I can use in the real world after school and make some decent money doing, the kind of money we could survive on.”

“We?” Her big blue eyes are even bigger than usual. Apparently, this news comes as a surprise to her.

“Yeah, we. What? You think nine weeks is going to erase the last nine years? You’re part of the reason I’m doing this, Coop. For both of us.”

“Oh.”

I yank the belt loop again when she starts to turn away. “What?”

This time I’m the one who’s surprised. Her eyes are all glassy and her cheeks are flushed a bright pink redish color I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.

“You always do that,” she sobs, distinct exasperation escaping along with her tears.

“Do what? What did I do?” I ask, a solid dose of panic rising rapidly to the surface of my brain. I hate seeing Cooper cry. She almost never cries. And when she does it’s usually for the dumbest reasons, all things considered, and I never see it coming. Like right now.

“You robbed me of my moment. Here I was, having a perfectly selfish fit about my best friend ditching me, something I was completely content believing was all in your best interest, therefore entitling me to have my selfish fit, albeit entirely unfounded and unfair. But no. That’s not really what’s happening here. I’m not having a selfish fit over your selfish desire to improve your life. No, I’m having a selfish fit over your stupid selfless desire to improvemystupid life. You suck, Gunnar. You suck a big fat twat.”

I gape back at her, temporarily dumbfounded. “God, that was crass, Coop.” I grin. “A big fat twat? Really?”

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