Page 56 of Forget Me Not

Pansies. I smile every time I walk up to the door and see them. They’re my favorite. Something about the dark colors mingling with the bright being able to create something so beautiful. Had to be fate, my favorite flowers marking this house as if it was always waiting for me to come home to it.

I place my hand on the doorknob, it’s unlocked. I’m supposed to be meeting one of the homeowners for the final walkthrough before we move in tomorrow. Reed wanted to be here too, but his father insisted he needed him in the office. So, he made the hour drive into the city this morning. Given traffic, I’m planning on a late, late dinner.

“Hello?” I call as I step inside. “Anyone here?”

Then, I turn the corner into the living room and I stop listening for anyone to answer. Lying in the middle of the otherwise empty space is a pile of folded up closet doors. My eyes sprint along the structure. Hall closet. Open. Pantry. Bare. Even the storage area below the stairs is missing its door.

Ice fills my veins. I feel cold and solid. My limbs unyielding and heavy. It’s getting hard to even breathe.

“You’re early,” Ed mumbles, coming down the stairs, another set of doors held tight under his arm along his torso. “I meant to have all this done before you showed up. Sorry.” He drops the set on top of the others, creating a loud clatter.

“Unbelievable,” I whisper. It’s taking all of my focus to keep from shaking with anger. “You guys can’t just break into our house like this.”

Ed shrugs. “Who broke in? I have a key.”

“What?” Then it slowly dawns on me. “No. No, no, no. I told Reed not to use Hilary. We specifically avoided all of Gun’s properties. This place was by owner!”

Ed glares at me like I’m an idiot. “Yeah. Itwasby owner.”

“Gun owns this house?” It’s only ten times worse to be renting one of his personal properties than using one of his realtors. Maybe twenty times worse. “How is that possible? Why wouldn’t he list it through the company?” Because he knew. That manipulating jackassknewwe’d never rent it if we found out it was his.

“He didn’t list it because he wasn’t planning on renting it out,” Ed grumbles, walking out of the room and toward the kitchen. He pulls a bottle of water from the fridge and takes a long swig.

“Well, he doesn’t need to keep it now, just for us. If he was planning on flipping it for a fast profit, he should. We don’t want it anymore anyway,” I rant at him, from halfway across the room.

“Stop it, Coop. You’re not really that dense. And frankly, I’m getting really fucking tired of dealing with the both you and your bullshit.”

“Excuse me?”

He slams the water bottle onto the counter so hard the water sops out of it and down to the floor. “Don’t give me that. You want to pretend to cut each other out of your lives. Fine. Pretend. Maybe Reed will even believe it. Hell, Cammie will too. But not me. I know better. I’ve been to the eye of this fucking shit-storm and I know what lives at the core of it.”

I can feel pressure building in my sinuses up to my eyes. An ache in my throat, warning me of the tears threatening to strike. It’s too much. All of this. Gun. Reed. Losing one, gaining the other. It’s a constant back and forth and I don’t think I can take it anymore. I just want to be done with it. I just want to accept what is.

“Lived,” I correct him quietly.

“What?” His emotions are peaking compared to my solemnness.

“You said whatlivesat the core. It’s dead now.” I can feel the threat of tears subsiding again as I regain control of this conversation. As I remember how I wound up here. “Trust me, it’s what he wants.” I gesture around us and all the door-less closets. “This, all of this, is just one last result of the years of obligations he felt when it came to me. That’s what’s really at the core of everything, Ed. He feels responsible for me. Always has. Thinks he needs to save me. Save me from my past. Save me because he couldn’t save his mother. Maybe I didn’t see it when we were kids, but I can see it now. And it doesn’t matter the lengths he’d go to for me if it’s always for the wrong reasons.”

I feel cold just saying the words. It’s a sobering reality to come to.

“You can’t see anything.” Ed shakes his head, sadness surprising me in his pitch-black eyes. “Maybe because you’ve always been stuck inside this tangled up mess between the two of you, but let me explain something to you, something I’ve been watching from my perspective for as long as I can remember.” He pauses to collect his thoughts. “We’re all messed up. You and Gun, you’re a special kind of broken...you’re so broken you don’t know what love is anymore. You both think what the other feels for you is somehow less than what it should be to be true. So,you,you run out and find yourself the perfect fairy tale. PrinceReedCharming and Gun? He just steps back into the shadows, alone, convinced that you’ve found your happy ever after and he doesn’t need one..”

“I’ve never asked him to do that. I’ve never asked him for any of this. You think I like knowing that he’s hurting? I hate it. But I can’t change it. He doesn’t let me help him. He never has.” Fury flares in the pit of my stomach, reaching up until I’m hot all over and can feel the burn in my throat.

Ed’s barely moved by my outburst. Maybe he really does know me as well as he thinks. “We all have our things, Coop. What we do to cope. Gun survived the first years of his life by being invisible. Laying low. Staying out of sight. Needing nothing from anyone. Never making a sound. Then he met you. And the thing that kept him alive was the same thing killing you. So, he changed. To save you. But Gun is still Gun. Surviving on his own. Invisible. And silent. He’s never going to ask for what he wants. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t want though. Just means he doesn’t know any other way to cope.” His shoulders sag and he sighs loudly. I’ve seen this move, usually when he’s been lecturing Gun. Means he’s finished. Said his piece and it’s up to me now to sort it out for myself.

I watch as he turns away and moves toward the living room to collect the pile of closet doors. When he’s got them all stacked neatly on his dolly, he directs his gaze at me one last time.

“He bought this place for the both of you. Six months ago. He’s been busy fixing it up ever since in between other jobs. Was going to surprise you with it next month after he finished. Guess he decided the important part was for you to have it, even if it wasn’t perfect. Or with him.” Then he tips the dolly and rolls it out of the room.

I stand here, staring, until I hear the front door slam shut. Slowly, I slide down along the kitchen cabinets until I’m sitting on the tiled floor. It’s cold, but solid. Resting my head against the wood behind me, I start to take in my surroundings. I’m tired of exploring my innermost thoughts. They do nothing but deceive me anyway. So, I’m searching outside for once. Maybe I’ll see something I can finally make sense of.

Chapter Sixteen

Gun

7Years Earlier

---