Page 53 of Forget Me Not

I growl under my breath. He’s really going out of his way to push my buttons. “Can we not call hermygirl? She’sReed’sgirl. And you’ll do us both a favor if you steer clear of her from now on.”

Ed slams his hand down on the table. “Cut the bullshit, Gun. It doesn’t suit you. And frankly, it’s pissing me off.”

I fold my arms over my chest. If he doesn’t like what I have to say, I’ll just keep my fucking mouth shut and he can do all the talking. Seems like he’d prefer that anyway.

“I’m going to assume this act of giving me the silent treatment means the listening portion of my visit has finally started,” he pauses to shift into a more comfortable position. Always a bad sign when someone is about to lecture you. “You committed a crime. A whopper of a crime. And you, my brother, have a long ass record of previous crimes you’ve committed from the time you were eleven. So, Iunderstandwhy you think there’s no hope. Iunderstandwhy you believe this is it. And given the fact that I know you don’t regret what you did, I alsounderstandthat you feel like you deserve this.” Ed has a knack for speaking. He should be on a stage or something. No, in a church facing his congregation. He’s got that wisdom and guidance thing just flowing out of him. Too bad I’m too far gone to reap the benefits of his words.

“All I’m hearing is how I’m right and you know it.”

“That’s because you’re not done listening yet,” he clips, straightening out his shoulders. Guess we’re getting to the really deep shit now. “Just because I understand how your messed up head works, doesn’t mean I think it’s right. Doesn’t mean, you should give up. Just roll over and fucking take the hits. Come on, man. You’re the guy we all look up to. You’re the guy who doesn’t get broke by the system. You work it. You manipulate it. And when you have to, you fucking fight it. Why the hell can’t you do that now?”

My shoulders sag, reminding me just how defeated I feel. “Maybe I just don’t want to. Maybe, I’m fucking tired of fighting the inevitable. Maybe, I don’t care as much as you think I do. Andmaybe, I did what I set out to do and now I’m done.”

“Done,” he repeats the word, clearly struggling to grasp its meaning. “What exactly are you done with? Your life?”

I shrug. “You’re kidding yourself if you thought this would ever end any differently, Ed. I never had anywhere else to go but here. Was I hoping to have more time? Sure. But am I surprised I didn’t? Not one fucking bit.”

He rakes his hands over his face, making a loud hissing sound as he pushes air out through his teeth, probably to keep from saying some really mean shit he can’t take back. I could handle it, but he’s not like that. He’s a hell of a lot kinder than I am.

When he’s done having his silent tantrum, he stretches his legs out under the table, leans back, arms crossed same as me.

“She’s getting married. Her and Reed. They’re just gonna...take off. She told me this morning.”

I feel like a fist just slammed into my throat and stayed there. I can’t breathe, but it’s nothing compared to the pain barreling its way down my air pipes, through my lungs and spreading through my chest like a fucking fire.

“Yeah?” I force out the word, hoping to hide the way the news is crippling me, making my legs go numb and my head go light. The only time I’ve ever felt like this was the day that police officer pulled me from my mother’s car. I knew in that split second I’d never see her again.

Ed nods slowly. “You gonna do something now?”

I swallow. My saliva feels like it’s turning to lead as it travels down my throat, trying to force its way past the fist still lodged there. “Do what?”

“Seriously? Get the hell out of here and stop her, that’s what.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you love her. Why do I have to spell this out for you? This isyourlife.Yourgirl.”

I snap into an upright position so fast it makes me dizzy. “She’s not my girl. She’s with Reed. She choseReed! What? You think I should just bust into her wedding, say I object and just like that, she’ll call it off and leave with me? You’re out of your fucking mind. She’d never do that. She’d never choose me over him.”

Ed barely even reacts to my rage anymore. “You say that, but you don’t fucking know.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“No, you don’t.” He finally deems the topic intense enough to stop slouching again. “You don’t know if she’d choose you because you never give her the chance to!”

“Oh, please,” I scoff. “Maybe I had a chance once upon a time. Maybe, I thought, in the end, after all was said and done, it’d be us. Together. Same as we started. But then, Reed came along all bright and shiny and new, and I quit kidding myself. Seriously, Ed, what girl wouldn’t fall for him?”

“Tell yourself whatever you have to, if that helps you roll over and sleep in your cell each night, but if you really think she’s only stayed close to you all these years because she needed you, then you’re sorely underestimatingyourvalue andherstrength, my friend.” He raps his knuckles across the table as he gets up. He’s made his final argument. He doesn’t care if I admit he won or not. He’s leaving. It’s his closing move. To hit home the fact that I’m not.

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Reed

Present Day

I steal a glance at her out of the corner of my eye. It must be the tenth time in the last five minutes I’ve done this. She’ll notice if I keep it up. Maybe she already has and she’s pretending not to. To avoid me. To avoid talking about it. Whatever it is. But there’s definitely something. She’s not the same girl I left in her shop ten minutes ago to run upstairs and make a sandwich. Which, incidentally, she’s barely touched.

“Too much salt?” I ask. I barely seasoned it, but I’m pretty desperate to get the conversation going.

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