Page 29 of Forget Me Not

“Don’t say that. Don’t say it’s wrong when it’s the first thing that felt right since I woke up after that accident. The first thing that’s made any sense to me at all.”

She shakes her head, tears falling all over again. This time they’re different though. They’re from pain.

“You’re engaged to be married. You ran out on everyone the day before your wedding.”

Sam. I can explain Sam. I think. I haven’t allowed myself to think about her since I walked out. It’s too much. Trying to understand the past I can’t remember and making it work with the present I was forced to create from scratch as an adult without any foundation, it’s hard for me to accept, harder still to explain to someone else. “I got engaged before I knew, before I was sure you weren’t just a dream or some strange fantasy.”

“But you didn’t end it. You just...disappeared.”

I frown, I’m used to people knowing more than I do, so I didn’t catch on before. “How do you know about Sam? Who told you?”

She swipes at her cheek with the back of her hand. The tough girl is coming out. I’ve seen her. I know her. She only shows herself when I screw up. I’m not sure how I know this, but I do. I’m not supposed to see the tough girl. She’s not supposed to need her armor with me.

“Your sister called me. She was in a panic looking for you. Thought you might be with me.”

“So...you already knew?”

Her lips press together in a thin white line. “She was just guessing. I didn’t believe her. I didn’t want to.”

I try to breach the gap she’s put between us, but she retreats as soon as I move toward her. “You didn’t want me to come?” I know she doesn’t mean that. As hard as it must be for her to hear that I was about to marry someone else, it has to count for something that I didn’t.

She turns away so I can’t look her in the eyes when she answers me. “I didn’t want to hope you would,” she says quietly. “I waited for you for so long...I couldn’t allow myself to wait for you again.”

I clench my fists at my sides and hope she doesn’t see. It’s not her fault I’m frustrated, none of this is. But I’m not sure it’s mine either. “I’m sorry, Coop. Nothing I could ever say to you will ever erase what happened. And, honestly, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for you...me not remembering. But, it’s been hard for me, too. Why can’t we just accept that it was part of the journey, that we’re living our own sort of fairy tale, that true love always comes with a poison apple and endless sleep before the kiss and happy ever after? Can’t this be that? Can’t true love’s kiss save us after all we’ve been through? Won’t that make it all worth it?”

I’m not usually a sappy guy, and fairy tales have been mostly forced upon me by my sister in her attempts to relive our entire childhood during the past seven years, but when I look at Cooper, I find I want to be Prince Charming. I want to be that knight on his white horse. I want to save the day. And kiss her. God, mostly, I just want to kiss her and never stop.

Cooper

He smiles. That speech and that smile. It’s too much. It’s like every little thing I’ve missed about him is happening all at once. It’s impossible not to want to hug him. And kiss him. Kissing him. I remember kissing him before. When things made sense. When things wereright.Making out for hours on end. No one had ever kissed me the way Reed kissed me.

That was before.

Before Gun and I ever even dreamt of crossing that line. My fingers trace my lower lip and I feel nauseous. I’ve kissed two men today. Both of which were able to make me forget the other even existed. But maybe that’s not on them. Maybe that’s about me.

“I can’t do this,” I force out, turning away so I won’t have to see him anymore. I can’t look at him and tell him no. Not when all I thought I ever wanted was to tell him yes. Yes to anything he ever asked as long as it meant we were together.

“You can’t walk away from this. From us.” His hand reaches out to catch my arm. “Not after everything we’ve been through. You have to at least give us a chance. I know this is a lot to take in. It’s a lot for me, too. But I don’t care how messy or complicated it is. I don’t care what I have to do to make this work. I want to be with you, Cooper. I need to.”

I bite down on the inside of my cheek. I bite down so hard I can taste blood, but I still can’t feel anything. The pain in my chest numbs me to everything else.

“You don’t know that. Seven years is a long time, Reed. Things are different now. I’m different.” But I can’t be as different as I’d like him to believe. Because I still want him as well. And what I want most of all, is to believe him when he says I could have that.

“Look at me,” he whispers and I do. Because saying yes to him is what I do. “See. There you are.” He smiles, tipping his head slightly down to gaze deeper into my eyes. “You don’t look so different to me.” His soft voice floods my soul and warms me from the inside out, slowly easing the ache around my heart.

“Gun,” I say quietly. “I’m different because I’m with Gun.”

Reed’s hands leave my body and my skin burns where it loses his touch. The hurt rises within me again, spreading out, pressing into my ribcage and making it hard to breathe. Because I can’t bear losing him again.

“So that’s what he was talking about.” Reed’s blue eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen them. “Why he said he wasn’t here to compete. I thought he meant he was just a friend. But he didn’t mean that at all.” I can tell he’s thinking it through as he’s saying it. His words are coming out slowly. His gaze is darting all around this room, probably remembering where Gun stood while he said what he said. Then, it lands on me again. He stares at me for a long time, contemplating before he says out loud what he’s thinking. “He’ll bow out. That’s what he meant. He won’t compete. He’ll just...let you go.” And he smiles. And I smile. And the pain in my chest is gone. Because I can’t feel anything.

Chapter Six

Gun

7Years Earlier

I watch Cooper out of the corner of my eye as we walk. She’s about halfway through the pancake, bacon and egg sandwich I made her on my way out of the house. That’s the thing about being a ‘growing boy’, sneaking food is never an issue. People expect you to come back for seconds, thirds and even fourths at every meal. They won’t always give it to ya, but they expect you to come around asking.

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