Page 47 of Run for the Money

“I was going to call you, but since you’re here…I don’t know how you’re going to take this, exactly, but I don’t imagine it’s going to feel good,” he says softly. He looks up at me, his expression inscrutable. “I wanted you to hear it from me, and not through the grapevine, so you have time to process it before it’s common knowledge.”

I arch an eyebrow at him to prod things along. I can’t speak, though, because I’m suddenly nauseous with anticipation. What could he have to tell me that’s so earth-shattering I need to hear it before the general public? We’re broken up. I’m nothing special to him. Why should I get first dibs on any of his news?

“I’m going to ask Alicia to marry me this Christmas,” he says.

The world around me blurs.

“Oh.”

“I have every reason to believe she’ll say yes, so--”

“I think you should leave,” I whisper.

Or shout. I can’t tell the difference at the moment.

Paul—non-confrontational, mild-mannered Paul—nods. “Sorry, I’ll go. Good to see you, Mel.”

Then walks away from me. He gets in his car, drives off without a second glance, and I’m stuck, standing in front of the stables staring at the empty spot in the road where his taillights disappeared. I’m not sure how long I stand there, stunned. Then a pair of hands—rough, familiar hands—cup my cheeks and I’m looking at a very different man.

“Melanie? Are you okay?” Nick asks, his face the picture of concern.

“Nothing, I’m fine,” I mumble, pushing his hands off my face.

Paul’s known that woman less than a year. June to December, and now he wants a lifetime. Four years with me, and we never came close to a proposal. I thought he was the love of my life, but I was a pit stop for him. A blip on the radar. Nothing special. How long until Nick comes to the same conclusion? How many years of my life will I spend pouring my love into him only to discover there’s a hole in the bottom of his heart, letting it all leak out and soak into the ground? How long is this pitstop?

I don’t know how I’ll survive it a second time. It’ll be so much worse with Nick. When Paul left me, it was like losing a limb. It was agony, but I could still hobble around, figuring out new ways to navigate the world with one less support. But if I lose Nick—whenI lose Nick—it’ll cleave me in two. Permanently.

“Bullshit. Edwin said you and Paul were having some kind of uncomfortable conversation, and now you’re standing here looking shell-shocked. What’s wrong?” Nick asks.

I have to swallow three times before the lump in my throat clears enough for me to talk.

“He’s marrying her.”

Nick nods slowly, brow furrowed with worry and confusion, his gaze fixed on me. Then the pieces click together. “Oh. Paul and the new chick. Okay. Bit of a surprise. They certainly aren’t wasting any time. But it’s not your problem, Melanie. I’m sure they don’t expect you to go. No reason to dwell on it.”

“No reason to dwell on it?” I repeat, dumbfounded.

“You’ve both moved on,” he says, as though it’s that simple.

“Nick, we were together for four years. He’s known her six months! How are they getting married?” I ask, my voice cracking on the final word.

Nick’s jaw tenses and all the concern in his eyes disappears. “Okay, maybe only one of you moved on.”

“I don’t want him back,” I say, frustrated. “You’re not understanding me.”

“No I heard you loud and clear.”

“Nick, I—”

“Look at it from my perspective, would you? I think you’re the one not understandingme.I’m head over fucking heels in love with you. You know that. I’ve told you a thousand times, and shown you the best way I know how,” he says, hurt flashing in his eyes. “I’ve never said those words to anyone before because I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. It’s a big deal to me.Youare a big deal to me. You’ve turned my life inside out and upside down—and you’re falling apart over some other man. He broke your heart and I thought I’d picked up all the pieces, but apparently not! You’re pining after some what-if, and all I want is you.”

“For now,” I say, just as hurt.

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” he yells.

“All you want is mefor now,” I shout back. “You think Paul didn’t say the same romantic crap to me? You think he didn’t say, ‘I love you’ a thousand times, or swear Iwas special? Because he did! He said it, and I believed him, and then four years later he changed his mind and now he’s giving some other girl a freaking ring and the rest of his life not even a year later, so forgive me for not being so naive this time around!”

Nick scoffs, and shakes his head. I’ve never seen him so agitated, unable to stand still, but seemingly unwilling to walk away.

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