Page 92 of Love Me

hannah

Knowingthat I need to set my mother and Harlow straight, I set up a meeting with them at Bean Haven after the store has closed for the afternoon. Surprisingly, neither of them gave me a hard time about it. Hailey has checked on me a million times and I’m forever grateful to have one sister who has my back. Even if we weren’t close while growing up, I’m thankful for the adult relationship we have now.

The two of them walk in together, looking so much alike in both appearance and personality. I take a deep breath to settle my nerves, giving myself a silent pep talk that it doesn’t matter how this conversation goes, at least I said my piece.

“Hannah, you wanted to talk?”

“You don’t?”

“I don’t know if there’s much to say.”

Sweet mother of Earth, maybe I will make that arrest record two.

“Yes, Mom, there is! You pushed me to do something insanely drastic like marrying my best friend just so Icould be seen as something other than a massive fuckup in your eyes. Imagine if I had married Levi! You were pushing me toward a life of misery and unhappiness! Why can’t you see how hard I work? Why can’t you see that I’m okay? Why can’t you just see me and love me no matter what? I’m over here alone day in and day out, and I’m happy! HAPPY! I know you can’t possibly see that it’s okay to be both tired and happy, but I am.”

“Hannah . . .”

“No, mom. No. You’ve only ever made me feel like a disappointment. Ever. For dying my hair. For wearing the clothes that you didn’t like. For getting my belly button pierced, well guess what? I’ve got both my nipples done, too! For dropping out of college, and getting pregnant with Charlotte. I’ve only ever been a fuckup. It’s exhausting and I can’t do it anymore.” The words that I’ve been holding in for so many years finally release, and the world around me lightens—my raw, honest words setting me free.

“Hannah, I’ve never been truly disappointed in you. I just want better for you. I want to see you succeed and not ever have to worry.”

“First of all, there’s nothing wrong with worry, that’s life. And did it ever cross your mind that maybe your version of success and happiness isn’t mine? I have never asked you for help—physical, emotional, financial, or otherwise. I’ve been raising my daughter by myself and running Bean Haven successfully and happily for years, and it will never be good enough for you. You need to think long and hard about the type of relationship you want to have with me and your granddaughter moving forward because I won’t listen to you spew hurtful things at me any longer.”

“And you”—I turn to the Wicked Witch of the West—“you need to dislodge your head from Mom’s ass. Be your own person and stop being such a hateful bitch.”

Her head bops back like I slapped her, and she’s lucky that I don’t reach across the table and do just that after what she did to me in front of everyone.

“I do love you, Hannah. I’m sorry I’ve made you feel that way. I am proud of you. I just saw you on a path that I wouldn’t have chosen for my girls, and I’ve done what I could to help steer you back to what I thought was best,” my mom admits.

“But you see how that’s wrong, right? You’re supposed to love your children no matter what and support their choices as long as they aren’t harming themselves or others.”

“It’s going to take me some time to change my behavior, but I’ll work toward it. I can’t imagine not seeing you or Charlotte.”

“Then let’s work toward it. But I mean it, I won’t take any abuse.”

“Understood.”

“Anything to say, Satan?”

“I’m sorry for being such a jealous, hateful bitch.”

“Glad we can both agree to that.”

“Truce?”

“Fine. Truce.”

Feeling hopeful that things will change but knowing that if they don’t, I’ll still be okay, is freeing. I lock up Bean Haven after they leave and head straight for the distillery, wanting to see my husband and not able to wait until he gets home tonight.

Pulling into the lot, I put my Jeep in park and climb out, hoping like hell it doesn’t take me a year to find him. I decide to just text Carter to see if anyone knows.

Me: Any idea where I can find Liam on campus?

Carter: Just left him in rickhouse B. Don’t knock the fuckingplace down.

Easily finding the correct rickhouse, I sneak into the building, using the darkness to my advantage. I silently walk down the rows until I find him about to insert a whiskey thief into a barrel for tasting. His back is to me, so I sneak down the row as quickly and quietly as I can, at the very last minute, jumping up and yelling, grabbing his shoulders.

His scream echoes loudly through the large warehouse, bouncing off the walls at an alarming pitch. I bend over in laughter, my stomach cramping from the force. His arms bound around me, hauling me to his large chest.

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