Page 17 of Love Me

Lucid dreams are a thing, right? I think I remember reading about them at one point. This seems like a textbook case because there’s no way I just agreed to marry my best friend. This is Liam for fuck’s sake. There is zero mystery between us, except for the obvious.

As my eyes flutter open, Liam is still on his knees in front of me, my hand in his. I watch as he brings it slowly to his mouth, his eyes never leaving mine as he kisses the spot where a ring would sit. It’s something so simple, but he makes it so intimate. A shockwave flows through me, and as though my heart has never beaten for another person before, it finds a rhythm that makes it sing—beating rapidly, my chest rising and falling harder.

What the hell is happening right now? These feelings are coming out of nowhere and I seriously need to get my shit together if this is going to work. What the fuck even was that? Ihold out the bottle in front of me and look at it. Goddamn tequila. Why do we always have to go straight for the tequila?

“We’re really doing this?” I ask, breaking the tension suspended between us.

“Yeah, we’re really doing this. You ready to date the shit out of me, beauty? Cause this is gonna go fast. We’re gonna give everyone something to talk about.”

I laugh because what else am I supposed to do? This is sure to get me what I want, my parents will probably die of happiness when they find out, the patriarchal assholes.

“So, how is this supposed to work?”

He moves off the ground to sit next to me on the couch, not bothering to put space between us. Something I wouldn’t have even noticed before, but now . . .

“We’re going to date. And in a few months, we’re going to run off and get married.”

I swallow another swig of tequila, feeling the warmth of the alcohol flowing through my veins. Tomorrow morning is going to be a bitch.

“You think it’s that easy?”

“Han, be real. You don’t live under a rock. You run Bean Haven for fuck’s sake, which is like town central. You know there’s rumors about us. There’s always been rumors.”

He’s not wrong, as much as I’ve done my best to ignore them. I can’t stand that people think that a man and woman can’t be close friends without having a sexual relationship or one of them hiding their secret love for the other person. Bear and I have been best friends our entire lives and the rumors have followed us for just as long. Even our parents made jokes when we were younger about an arranged marriage. Which is honestly pretty funny given the current situation.

“Okay. So, as much as I hate to breathe life into them, I hear what you’re saying. People will believe it and I don’t thinkmuch even needs to change. What about the logistics? I don’t want to confuse Charlie.”

“Nothing changes in front of her. I don’t want to do anything that would confuse or potentially hurt her. I’d die first, Han.”

My heart warms at his statement because I know it’s the truth. He has loved her just as much as I do since the moment she was born.

“Alright. That’s easy enough then. I mean, you’re practically here all the time anyway, and you already help so much with her.”

“Exactly. Now ask me what you really want to ask, beauty. I see it turning over in that pretty little mind of yours.”

My cheeks flame with heat but I meet his eyes straight on, not backing away from this.

“What about the physical stuff? We need rules in place.”

“People aren’t going to believe it if we aren’t physical at all, Han. You’re a smart girl, you know that.”

Shit. I know he’s right, but I also know myself, and that will turn my brain into a hormonal, confused, tangled mess. It doesn’t matter how desperate I am to be touched, that can’t come from my best friend—that will muddle everything.

“So, we definitely need rules then.”

“What rules would make you feel better?”

How is he so calm? He seems almost . . . excited. I look at the bottle of tequila again and try to remember how much was in it before we started because it’s the only explanation for everything happening right now. I say the first thing that comes to my head.

“Only touching in public when we need to. Simple touches, holding hands . . . that kinda thing. And no touching . . . you know . . .intimately.”

“Intimately? What are you a sixth-grade sex ed teacher? Do you mean no sex, Hannah?”

My face pales because of his words and the thought of sex, period. Something I haven’t had in quite some time. And the last time was devastating to my ego and emotional state.

“I’m hurt, Han. You don’t want me? I’m your fiancé!”

I smack him in his big stupid chest for making fun of me. Levi and I were hot and heavy before I got pregnant with Charlotte, but since he moved to Seattle, it’s been strained. While he never made me feel desired or wanted, it was better than nothing that he wanted me enough to use me to get off, even if he didn’t care about my pleasure. I was just desperate for affection and took whatever I could get. But nothing has happened since the last time he was here. I couldn’t put myself back in one of those situations again. The last time crushed me.

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