Page 61 of Love Me

With Bean Haven closed at its normal business hours—per Hannah’s demand—Charlie with Hannah’s sister Hailey, and us lying out the ass about where we are headed, I drive us into Clallam County for our appointment to get married. I hold her hand tightly in mine, resting on her thigh, as I keep my other hand on the wheel of my truck. I keep checking on her out of the corner of my eye, her dejected demeanor filling me with nerves, overshadowing how excited I am to make Hannah my wife.

A long, cream-colored, bohemian style dress that’s covered in a gorgeous, patterned lace, with a tie at her waist drapes perfectly over her body. I’m still speechless when I look at her. She wore her hair half up and loosely curled in large waves. She’s always gorgeous, but today she reallystands out. I want to convince her to allow me to take a photo because I want to remember her like this forever. I want us to have one piece of today to look back on, I just hope she doesn’t regret it. Needing to hear it again, I ask for reassurance.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes.” I don’t sense any hesitation or worry in her tone, which surprises me.

“And you’re sure you don’t want a wedding? Or Charlie there?”

“I don’t want to hurt anyone more than they already will be, bear. They don’t deserve it.”

When is she going to learn? I press on the brakes harder than I should, jerking us forward, and pull over to the side of the road.

“What are you doing?”

Unbuckling my seatbelt, I lean over and place my hand around the back of her neck, pulling her toward the center.

“No one is getting hurt, because this isn’t going to end badly, Hannah. I’ll keep saying it until you understand. I will never let anything come between us or hurt Charlie. You two are my priority. Nothing else. Get out of your head and start taking control. What do you want?”

“I don?—”

“What do you want, Hannah? Don’t think.”

“Love.”

A soft, small chuckle puffs from my lips as I smile at her. Easiest fucking thing she could ever ask for.

“What else?”

“A family.”

“Done, beauty. We are a family. Whether you marry me or not we’re a family. Now, are we getting married today?”

Her gorgeous bright brown eyes turn glassy as they fill withunshed tears. She gives me a sad, hopeful smile but tells me exactly what I was hoping for.

“Yes.”

“Good. Now get out of your head, and let’s do this.”

By the time we pull into the courthouse parking lot, the air in the truck is thick with nervous energy, but Hannah’s mood isn’t as sour, my little pep talk having given her the kick in the ass she needs. Now, it’s me who’s freaking out.

I’m about to make Hannah Havenmy wife.

She reaches for my hand on her own, squeezing it lightly, and together we walk into the building. My heart pounds in my chest like a jackhammer, a hard, quick rhythm slamming into my ribcage. This isn’t how I imagined marrying Hannah would go, not even close.

Having already applied for our marriage license, we pick it up and wait our turn to meet with the officiant. The hallway reeks of wood polish and dirty mop water as we sit together and let our nerves consume us. The two together create a great fucking ambiance for a wedding. We’re quiet, unable to get out of our own heads long enough to say anything. Our hands stay clasped around each other in a silent comfort that we both need.

The next thirty minutes happen in a blur. We’re taken into a room where two clerks stand as our witnesses since we didn’t have any to bring with us. The judge talks to us briefly before starting the ceremony, even cracking a joke that we both look like we’re heading in for colonoscopies instead of marriage. Hannah stands in front of me in her pretty dress, her little hands dwarfed in mine, our eyes focused on each other as the rest of the world melts away.

This is what you want. This is what she needs.I repeat the words in my head like a mantra, but the truth keeps slipping through the cracks, trying to choke me with its weight. I don’tjust want to be married to Hannah out of convenience. I want her to marry me because I’m end game for her. I’m already the one she turns to when everything falls apart, the one who always has her back no matter what, the one who loves her without expectations or judgment, the one who wants to wake up beside her every morning and go to sleep next to her every night. But she hasn’t seen it yet.I’m right here, baby.

Hannah looks at me with calm, relaxed features, and my pulse spikes. She’s always had this way of making everything around her seem lighter and brighter, even when the world is crashing down. But right now, I see the weight of the decision we’re making in the slight slump of her shoulders, in her tired eyes, and in how she’s working hard to stay centered and calm. I can’t even do anything to help while I spiral out of control myself.

This marriage isn’t about love for her, I know she’s here and why she’s doing this, fuck, I pushed her into thinking it was the best thing for her right now. But, now that we’re here, now that we’re about to commit ourselves to each other, I wish the reasons were different. Just as I’m about to tell her we’ll find another way, Hannah squeezes my hands, forcing my attention back on her.

“You and me,” she mouths, giving me the smile that I love so much.

“You and me.”

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