Page 23 of Blade: Blade Outlawz MC

As time went on, I began to feel like my father wasn’t worried about me or my safety. I was sure he knew where I was, but why hadn’t he come to get me? That was a question I asked myself almost every single day. It was weird, and it made my feelings about everything more conflicted.

Tears suddenly streamed from my eyes when the realization of my father not giving a damn about me hit me.

“He really doesn’t care,” I whispered as I wiped my eyes.

I thought about the only two living people that loved me—Uncle Evan and Cayenne. I didn’t have to guess that if they could have, they would have gotten me by now. I knew my mother would try, too, if she were still alive. She might have been scared of my father, but she was protective over me. I think that was why my father didn’t bother me too much while my mother was alive. I wish she would have just stuck up for herself or taken me with her. I hated that I would never get the answer. I probably should have gotten therapy a long time ago because I had abandonment issues along with a host of other shit.

I told Blade the truth about me never wanting to be in love because I didn’t see the point. I refused to be abused, and I was afraid of another person leaving me. That was the reason that,no matter what, I held on to my father. Yes, he wasn’t the best father, but he was my father and didn’t leave me like my mother had.

As I sat on the bed, thinking about how my life had turned out, I thought for a minute that Blade would forget to lock the door, and I could try to escape. Hope filled me, but it was quickly deflated when I heard him lock it. I thought maybe we were finally getting somewhere, but I guess I was wrong.

“Maybe I should have asked him some questions instead of leaving so fast after I ate.”

“Girl, as vague as he was, he wasn’t going to tell you shit.”

I officially resorted to talking to and answering myself. I was past the point of losing it; I’d completely lost it. Talking to yourself was one thing, but answering yourself was on a different level.

“Yeah, I definitely need therapy if I ever get out of here.”

I got comfortable in the bed because that food made me sleepy. I wasn’t sure if he cooked it or not, but I had to admit that it was good. It was chicken alfredo and some other pasta dish with red sauce. Both were good, and I wouldn’t mind eating them again. The salad was good too.

I stared at the ceiling as I thought about what could have happened to Blade that made him swear off love. I mean, I didn’t think he was capable of it anyway since he was holding me hostage. As far as I knew, he only had a mother that I guessed he cared about. I wondered how he would feel if someone had kidnapped her. I was sure he wouldn’t like it, so why did he think it was okay to hold me against my will?

But you fucked him with no hesitation.

My conscience whispered, reminding me of the things that had transpired earlier in the day. I could have said no, and even though he kept me here, I didn’t think he would have taken it if I said no. Mean, yes, but a rapist? I couldn’t see it. If that werethe case, he would have done it from the beginning. I also didn’t think he would feed me if he did something so vile to me. I wanted sex with him, even if it were just to see how it was, and it sure was worth it.

None of that mattered; I still was somewhere I didn’t want to be, and I needed to find a way out.

The next morning, I quickly took Pepper breakfast and snacks while she was in the shower, then left the house. I didn’t have time to talk to her because I had a meeting with the club members. I wanted to give them an update about Harold, and we had to discuss the upcoming blanket drive.

When I got to the clubhouse, I parked my bike out front, then went inside. There were already a few people there, but I had to wait for more to come to start the meeting.

I heard the door open and looked up to see my brother strolling in with his helmet in his hand. We hadn’t spoken since I saw him at our mom’s house. There were brief text messages, but that was it.

“What’s good?” he asked as he slapped my open palm.

“Shit. The streets seemed to be quiet. Have you heard anything?” I asked.

He sat in one of the chairs and placed his helmet on the table.

“I haven’t heard shit which makes me wonder if he even cares about her. I still don’t agree with you holding her hostage, but maybe she’s better off with you.”

I didn’t like him saying I was holding her hostage, but ultimately, I was. She hadn’t been able to leave the room exceptto have dinner with me, and I could tell she didn’t even want to do that.

“I’m not sure what his motives are, but she told me they don’t have a great relationship, so maybe he doesn’t care. I just find it weird that he hasn’t come looking for her yet.”

Except for that bullshit message he sent through Cole, it’s been radio silence. It had me on edge a little because his being quiet could mean he was gearing up for some bigger shit. I couldn’t stress too much over it, but I would pay attention to the shit around me.

“Yeah, I don’t understand that either. Either way, you have to figure out something soon.”

“I will.”

The door opened, and a few more members came in. I spoke to them, and when the last two came in, we got down to business.

“I’m not going to hold y’all up for too long, but I wanted to give y’all a couple of updates.”

The clubhouse was closed during meeting hours, so it was only the main members and the couple of prospects we had. Besides Cole, there was Chris and a young dude named Storm. He was only eighteen but came from a rough background and was trying to find his way in life. I wanted him to join so he could stay on the right path. He was very smart in math and had a good career ahead of him in finance or something, if he stuck with it.

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