Page 53 of Lighting Up Christmas

“It’s stupid to feel abandoned,” Riley admitted, her voice choked. But none of them, not a one, had checked with her first after the older generation had giddily announced their plans at a late-summer family dinner to christen Riley’s new patio and grill her father and uncle had bought her.

“Feelings are never stupid,” Sophia whispered, pulling her in for a quick, tight hug. That made the tears come faster and made Riley want to cling. “They just are, and you need to let yourself experience them.”

And Sophia, being Sophia, dropped a light kiss on the top of her head like she was the mother and then disappeared in the back and returned with new soy candles in a variety of fragrances that were hand-made in glass-blown bowls by an Ashland artist. Riley used the reprieve to gather her composure.

“I’m supposed to be comforting you,” Riley noted, happy her tears had stopped, and her voice sounded somewhat close to normal, “and yet I feel like you are holding me up so much more.”

“You are supporting me.” Sophia arranged the candles. “You have always supported me. Always, through everything—findingEnrique, losing him, planning out the store, opening it, running it. You are always here for me, Riley, and I am here for you.”

She was going to start bawling, and that just was not okay. Desperate for a distraction, she reached for a tub that held square, black boxes and opened one. Inside lay handmade clay dragons that had curled tails so they could perch on a purchaser’s finger. They had glass eyes and silk bows for wings.

“These are beautiful,” Riley breathed.

“Yes, they are. The dragons have expressions. Sometimes I feel like they can speak. And definitely when I am here alone, I feel like they are watching me, encouraging me to let their brethren free.”

“That’s not spooky at all.”

Sophia laughed. “I saw them when I was on a buying trip in Portland, and the dragon reminded me of Enrique—you know, as dragons breathe fire—and I was thinking ofGame of Thrones. He loved that show. There was a chick with the dragons who protected her and fought with her. I wanted to buy one for myself and ended up ordering twenty-five. I’m thinking of selling them in my booth at the Christmas market. My mom made silk pillow beds for them to curl up on, so when I box them up for customers, the dragons will have their own bed with a tassel, see?” Sophia opened a tote that held the pillows her mom had made.

Riley played with the silk tassel. “Cute. Your mom is so talented and sweet to help out.”

“As are you.”

Riley had made a stick tree as a display item for Sophia’s store and wrapped it with white tape and tiny LED lights. She hadn’t known what Sophia wanted to do with it, but she’d made it.

Sophia retrieved the tree from the back. “Let’s see how they look.”

Riley hung one dragon on the tree and then another.

“It will look perfect in the booth,” Riley said. “Where is the Enrique dragon?”

“On his pillow at home on my bed,” Sophia said quietly.

“You must think of him every day,” Riley said.

“Yes.”

Simple and direct. So Sophia.

“Many times a day.”

“Do you ever wish you’d turned left instead of right so you would never have met him and then lost him and hurt so much?”

Sophia was quiet, arranging soap. Riley unwrapped another dragon from the tissues and perched it on the tree. This one was purple and looked especially regal.

“Never,” Sophia said, and Riley stopped what she was doing.

“I’m sorry. I’m not cheering you up.”

“I don’t need to be cheered,” Sophia said. “I miss Enrique more some days now than I did right after he died. I think it’s finally sinking in that he’s gone forever physically, but he’ll always be in my heart”—she touched her chest—“and my memories. I had him for more than a year. He was mine, and he loved me, and we had this whole future planned, and even though we didn’t get to live it, I still had him in my life. We got to live part of our dream together. Not everyone gets that.”

Tears pricked Riley’s eyes. She’d never come close to having the love Sophia had. And some days she wasn’t sure if she wanted to. Sophia was so brave and strong.

“I loved,” Sophia said, “and I was loved. And my grief is my way of honoring his memory, but my continuing on is also my way of honoring him. He loved me. He wouldn’t want me to suffer endlessly or to always be alone.”

Riley pulled out another dragon. It was black with a black silk bow edged with a hint of silver and the large glass eyes wereobsidian and reflected the shop lights. The dragon was larger than many of the others. Regal. More than a little haughty.

Sophia laughed. “See, the dragons have a touch of magic, and they’ve spoken. I think Zhang will have a new Christmas ornament or perhaps a computer buddy.”

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