Page 72 of Worthy

My memory drifts back to what I told Maddox about him at the parade, and I wonder briefly if Beck knows I’m not teasing when I say he’s like my little brother. I should probably tell him, but I’ve never specifically said it before, and I’m not sure how to. So, I say the first thing that comes to mind. “Float looked good this year.”

He stops cold and turns. “Since when do you pay attention to the floats?” Beck knows all too well I’m usually socializing or drinking during the parade, and don’t often notice much else. I can tell he’s a little stunned.

″Uh, since Maddox enjoyed it.” I rub the back of my neck.

″That’s what I thought.” he grins knowingly.

“Whatever. Get out of here.” I give him a playful shove in the arm, hoping it’s too dark in here for him to see the way I’m blushing.

***

Maddox is deep in conversation with Ryder and Blake, trying to follow why they think snowboarding is better than surfing, while we wait for the fireworks to start. Normally I’d be all over that debate, but I’m doing my best to give him a little space. Not that he asked for any, but because I think I need it.

Today has been perfect, so much so I don’t want it to end, and that’s a dangerous way to think when I know our time is limited. But damn if I can turn off the voice trying to convince me this is real.

I got so wrapped up in the moment earlier, I almost told him I loved him, and I flat out admitted I like how he got possessive over me. Plus, after foregoing condoms, meeting my parents, and what we did in the bar earlier, I know he’s giving me some of the firsts a guy like him normally saves for someone special. All of that makes it so tempting to believe I won’t lose him to his career, but he hasn’t given me any indication he wants me to be part of his life, and unless he does, I don’t see how I can mess with his dreams.

So, I’m trying to put a little distance between us right now to regroup and get my mind right. I’m hoping this will make it easier to get through the fireworks, which I know he’ll watch from my arms.

“Just tell him already,” Finn says quietly as he hands me a beer.

″Not that easy.” I shake my head as I accept it.

″Not that hard either.” He looks at me pointedly.

″Maybe not for you, but Ally wasn’t chasing a big-time career she’d have to put on hold to be with you.” I nod subtly toward his girl.

″Sure, she was.” He takes a sip of his beer. “She wanted to be a fashion designer, and instead she owns a boutique.”

I didn’t know that, but I press on, undeterred.

″She can design stuff anywhere though, right?” I raise my eyebrows.

″True, but it’s a harder path to do it alone than to work under a big label and build up your references.”

″I hear you, but I’m not sure Maddox can do all his science stuff from here. It’s not like there’s a lab around town.” I stare at the ground so he can’t see how much that bugs me.

″What do you mean, science stuff?” He cocks his head.

″Oh, uh, Climate change, alternative energy, monitoring plants.” I lift a shoulder, realizing that since I’ve been so consumed with Maddox, I’ve never actually talked to the guys about what he’s doing here. What he wants to do.

″I’m no scientist, but I would think you could do all that stuff anywhere.” Finn sips his drink.

″He wants to do stuff with water. You see any water around here?”

″Snow becomes water,” Finn deadpans.

″Pretty sure it’s not the same thing.” I roll my eyes.

″Okay, what if you went where he needed to go. You can do construction anywhere, right?” I know he thinks he’s helping, but that’s not actually a solution.

″Leave Katah Vista? Who will take over my dad’s company?”

″You say that like you’re thinking of taking it over. You never seemed interested in running things before.”

He’s got me there.

″Still not. Yet. I always knew it would happen one day though. I just didn’t feel the need to rush into it,” I admit what I’ve never really said aloud.

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