Page 36 of Worthy

Impulsive.

Insane.

Perfect.

I’ve kissed before, lots of times, but it’s usually a meaningless prelude to other things. A warm-up to get the blood flowing. Once the clothes start coming off it’s done, because there’s other things to do with your mouth. And let’s be honest, casual hookups aren’t about kissing, they’re about coming, so it never meant much to me.

Until now.

I never knew kissing could be so intense, especially the soft, slow kind. I totally got lost in it, forgetting all the reasons I shouldn’t be doing it and focusing only on the feel of Madd’s lips on mine, soft and plump and perfect. I think I could’ve left it like that, slow and sweet, all night. It was hot, yeah, but not in the sense that it made me want to race ahead to the good stuff. I didn’t know kisses could be like that,and in some ways, I liked it even more than the urgent, hungry kissing we shared.

And that was one hundred percent everything I hoped it would be.

If I thought slow and sweet was hot, well, urgent and needy was hot as fuck. That one did make me want to get to the good stuff, but only because it got me so hard so fast, not because I wanted to skip the kissing and go straight to getting naked.

Usually that’s the way it works for me, a little hot and heavy necking to get things running and then plunging deep into whoever I’m with. But with Maddox I liked feeling turned on without the urge to take it further. Just feeling aroused, feeling his hard cock pressed up against mine while we devoured each other, I could’ve done that all night too and been totally satisfied.

Speaking of satisfaction, that hard cock of his was a perk of kissing a guy I hadn’t been expecting and abso-fucking-lutely loved. I mean, with women you never fully know if they’re aroused until you slide inside, but with Maddox… The guy was a steel pipe, and all we did was kiss. That’s a heady experience my body would like a repeat of, but it can’t happen, because as Madd pointed out, it wasn’tjusta kiss.

There were feelings behind it. I can admit that now, since he’s not right here tempting me. What I can’t figure out is why he didn’t storm out when I said it wasn’t anything special.

That was shitty of me, but it was the only thing I could think of to get him to take me off the damn pedestal he put me on. I tried telling him it was a mistake to think of me as a good guy, but the stubborn man didn’t listen, and for a second, he made me believe he was right.

Being the selfish prick I am, I don’t regret that, because it led to the hottest kiss of my life. Hell, I think it ruined me. But I’ll just have to consider myself lucky I got to touch him at all, because it can’t happen again. And that’s what really scares me.

Maddox said he wanted me to touch him, and that’s a temptation I’ll be hard pressed to ignore. I’m actually shocked I was able to stop myself just now, and I’m not sure I can do it again, which is why I can’t even let it start.

I have zero idea how I’m going to accomplish that since I’ll be seeing him again in just a few short hours, and every day, for the rest of the summer.

Fuck my life.

***

There’s a ton of work happening at the Gerome house today. Deacon has a few guys working on the new patio, and I’ve got a crew framing the garage and laundry room, which we’re trying to have done by the end of the week. We’re not off schedule, but it’s not impossible to get the occasional snow in June, and the faster we work now the better we can accommodate weather delays that might come up.

The activity is good because as long as I’m moving or concentrating on the job I can’t think about Maddox. Plus, I suspect the increased number of bodies on site is keeping him inside. I know this reprieve won’t last indefinitely, but for today I’ll take it.

These are the kind of days when I love what I do. Sunny but not scorching, a group of guys laughing and joking while we work, and music playing in the background… It’s part social while still getting shit done. These are also the kind of days that make me dread taking over the company one day.

If I’m the guy in charge, I won’t get to have these days often. I’ll be checking in at different job sites to make sure things are going smoothly, spending more time in my truck than outside. I’ll have tomanage paperwork shit, like insurance and payroll and scheduling. At some point, I’ll even have to be the one trying to solicit work.

I’m not afraid of those tasks, but I’m afraid of them taking the fun out of what I do. I actually like building stuff, whether it’s houses or the tinkering I do in my studio. I like working with my hands and making something out of parts and pieces. I especially love doing that outside and with a group of guys who keep me entertained. The boss doesn’t get those perks, so if I have it my way, I won’t be stepping into that role anytime soon.

I know the town thinks I’m either too lazy or too focused on having fun to take work seriously, and they assume that’s why I haven’t taken an interest in running things. That’s notentirelytrue, but their opinions didn’t bother me enough that I felt like I had to correct them. I’ve never had anyone to answer to or impress, so what was the point? Let them confuse my preference for working with my hands as a lack of motivation, it didn’t matter to me. Still doesn’t, truth be told. Except when it comes to Maddox.

He makes me want to care, because even though I know I’m not good for him I don’t want him to think I’m a total fuck up. I don’t want him, a guy who comes from money but is busting his ass to build a career, to think I got my job handed to me and I’m going to ride my dad’s success for a living.

I don’t know why it’s important to me that he doesn’t see a total screw up when he looks at me. Maybe I don’t want him to be embarrassed about being attracted to me. Who knows? But for some reason I don’t want to be the lazy local guy in his eyes, which means I’m actually starting to think about what comes next. I need to start considering whether I’m ready to give up days like today in order to take a bigger role in the company.

Fuck, this guy has me in knots, and all I’ve done is kiss him. I need to get it together. Nothing is going to change today, or tomorrow, or maybe even this summer. I just need to concentrate on the job and try to enjoy it like I usually do.

By the time four o’clock rolls around, we’ve made enough progress that I feel comfortable letting the guys go. There’s enough daylight left that they can do something outside, and since that’s why we live here I want to give them the opportunity to enjoy it. Besides, it makes for a happier crew when you give them a break here and there.

We get everything packed up and I head out with the last of the guys, so I’m not left on site alone. I do a quick ride myself, because floating over the trail on a bike has a way of quieting my mind, then head into town for the weekly concert.

I make my way to the crews’ usual spot and come to a halt. Maddox is sitting on a blanket next to Ally, and now I really am fucked.

Why did I ever introduce him to my friends?

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