Page 79 of Worthy

″No way,” he protests. “After seeing you like this, there’s no way I’m ever dating someone seriously. And I wish I’d never suggested you try it either.”

″I don’t. I wouldn’t change a thing,” I say quietly.

″Seriously?” Deacon scoffs. “Maddox isn’t even gone yet and you’re already moping. You wouldn’t change that if you could?”

″Nope. I fucking hate that he’s leaving, and I know when he does, I’m gonna feel like shit for a long time. But I don’t regret any of it. I’d do it all over again. The good parts were that good.” I sound like a fucking sap. I don’t care.

Deacon shakes his head in disbelief. I know he doesn’t understand me right now. Pities me even. But I’ve never really worried about what other people think, and I’m not going to start now. I’ll never regret my time with Maddox, even knowing I’ll be wrecked when he leaves, because letting him go is the right thing to do.

Even if it breaks me.

Chapter twenty-one

Maddox

Iwake around dawn, too restless to sleep. My departure is just hours away, which has me feeling depressed over the coming changes, though I’m trying to focus on being grateful for the good times.

My summer couldn’t have been more perfect. Filled with hikes, barbecues, bike rides and summer concerts, there was always another adventure, and I loved every minute of it, loved experiencing Katah Vista the way Cade sees it. But I confess my favorite part has been the lazy evenings we spent at home, where it was just the two of us, and we talked and pleasured each other into the night.

Since our very first night together, we’ve rarely been apart, and as the minutes tick closer to my departure, I’m not sure how either of us will handle being alone. We have such a comfortable rhythm, our separate lives fitting together effortlessly, I wonder if returning to the lives we had before is even possible.

Cade fills the voids I didn’t even realize I had, and now that I know what it’s like to connect with someone so completely, I’m not sure I want to live without it. I’m not sure I want my life to be singularly focused on my career the way I did before I set foot in these mountains.

I feel like that’s the future I’m heading for though, since we never talked about ignoring our end date.

We seemed to have an unspoken agreement not to discuss it, to just live in the moment, but now that the end is in sight, I’m finding it harder and harder to ignore the fact that being with Cade feels right, in a permanent sort of way.

There are times I think he feels the same, like when I catch him staring at me when he thinks I’m not looking, a sort of forlorn look on his face. Or when he cradles me to him in bed like he’s trying to prolong every opportunity to hold me. He makes me feel loved, although, if he did really love me, wouldn’t he have said it by now?

I know that makes me sort of a hypocrite, since I haven’t told him how I feel either, but by his own admission he doesn’t know how relationships work, and I don’t want him thinking he’s obligated to feel the same way I do just because we’re together. Whatever his feelings for me are, I want him to express them without any influence from me. Otherwise, I’d wonder if I pushed him to say something he wasn’t ready to say. And since he’s never brought up how he feels or what he wants, that means we have just a few short hours left together.

I snuggle closer to Cade as the sunlight creeps into the room, and feel his arm pull tighter around my waist.

″Morning, beautiful.” His voice is thick with sleep, but other parts of him feel like they’re awake.

″Feels like you’ve beenupfor a while.” As far as dirty talk goes, that was pretty lame, but the words make him chuckle, which he seems to appreciate.

″There is no better way to wake up than to feel your perfect ass rubbing against me.” He nuzzles the back of my neck. “I’m kind of getting attached to it.”

It’s not a declaration of love, but this may be all he’s capable of, so I’ll take it. I’ll make the most of it.

″You’re getting attached to my ass?” I wiggle against him.

″There isn’t a spot on your body I’m not attached to.” He kisses my shoulder.

For a brief moment, my chest feels hollow, wishing his attachment applied to more than my body, but I push it back as Cade’s hand ghosts over my hip. In my heart, I know there’s a connection between us, something more than just sex. It just doesn’t outweigh the physical component behind what’s happening. Not for Cade. I always knew that might happen, so I have to accept it.

Despite his inability to see beyond the physical, I don’t regret my time with him. Cade has brought me more pleasure than I ever imagined was possible, and I wouldn’t trade that for a different ending. I value what’s happened between us too much. I do regret how he can’t see beyond this moment, but I don’t fault him for that. So, I do what I always do when he touches me. I focus on how it feels to have his hands on me, giving myself over to this moment in time so I can’t think about what comes next.

Cade’s finger circles my nipple, coaxing it to attention, which doesn’t take long since my body is so in tune with his. I know that’s because we share more than just sex, but I let him believe it’s because he’s such a good lover. And let’s be honest, he really is. He’s so enthusiastic, so eager to experience sex in a way he never has before, it’s impossible not to get swept up in his excitement. Plus, he’s a surprisingly generous partner who prides himself on taking care of me, and while I think hefinally sees himself as more than just a good fuck, there’s no denying he has the skill to control my body.

As my nipple hardens Cade teases it tenderly, pinching and flicking and rubbing so the pleasure shoots straight to my cock. And when I hum my approval, that hand glides down my chest, over my stomach, and wraps around my dick.

Cade strokes me languidly, a gentle tease that starts at the base and ends with him spreading my arousal around my tip before he does it all again. The movement isn’t designed to bring me closer to release because he doesn’t want me there yet. We have that in common, both wanting to prolong this encounter since it will be our last.

“I never thought I’d find another man’s dick so fascinating since I’ve got one of my own, but I don’t think I’ll be able to look at mine the same way again.” His finger brushes my foreskin, which he’s a little obsessed with, and that simple gesture that’s so very Cade has me cracking a smile despite my somewhat gloomy mood.

“Are you saying you have inferior equipment?”

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