Page 45 of Worthy

I think about doing that every time I see him, because I’m dying to feel him again. But between me being bad for him and him being thenephew of our client, Deacon’s right, getting too close is a bad idea. I know that. I just haven’t been able to keep my distance.

″Yes, getting close is a bad idea.” I rub my face again. “I don’t feel like I have control over it though.”

Now that I’ve said it, I realize it’s the truth. I keep trying to avoid him, but he keeps materializing everywhere I am, and when that happens, I’m powerless.

″That sounds fucked up.” Deacon whistles.

″It is. It’s all kinds of fucked up.” I drop onto the retaining wall surrounding the patio, exhausted. “I see him, and I’m tempted to forget how I’m bad for him or that it’s reckless to get close to him. I’m trying to fight it, but...” I trail off.

″Okay, now you’re freaking me out.” Deacon’s brow furrows. “You’re talking like you’re whipped, but there’s no way that’s true, right? I mean, you’re the ultimate bachelor. And you haven’t even been with a guy yet, so you can’t possibly be holding out for this one. This is just, like, a phase or something, right?”

″I have no clue, cousin.” I squint up at him.

″Maybe you just need to do this. Hang out with him, bang him, whatever, just get him out of your system so you can go back to normal.” He sits next to me, a peace offering of sorts.

I take a moment to think about the merits of this idea. He’s clearly in my system right now, and the harder I fight it the worse it seems to get. Maybe I do need to stop fighting this and see where it goes. Maybe that’s how I get him out of my head. We do have all summer, which should be plenty of time to get my fill, and it’s not like we have to be inseparable or anything, so it’s possible I won’t become his distraction.

The only thing I get hung up on is the fact he’s not a casual sex person, and I don’t know how to be anything else. I’m not opposed to being monogamous, hell I’ve already thought about doing that forhim, I just don’t know if I’d want that long-term. But as he pointed out last night, he’s leaving at the end of the summer, so there’s a limit on this thing, and maybe that’s a good compromise.

We’re both obviously attracted to one another, and I don’t see that going away. I think it will only get worse, and I am getting tired of fighting it. I’m not sure I can do it the rest of the summer. I’m also not sure I could be a boyfriend type for longer than that, so having an expiration date could be the perfect solution. It would make us more than a casual hook up but less than a couple, I think. Friends with benefits, if you will. Best of all, an expiration date means it won’t affect our relationship with his uncle, because I can’t mess something up that can’t be permanent to begin with.

I’m still not worthy of someone like Maddox, not by a long shot, but if he’s okay to slum it with a guy like me for a few months, who am I to object? We could hang out, get our fill of each other, and go our separate ways at the end of the summer. He’ll move on to a successful career and I’ll go back to my carefree lifestyle. This could work.

″Hello. Earth to Cade. What the fuck?” Deacon waves his hand in front of my face.

″Shit, sorry. I was thinking.”

″Yeah, I got that,” he grunts. “So, what are you gonna do?”

″I think you’re right.” I nod absently. “I think I should just do this and get it out of my system. Then when he leaves at the end of the summer I’ll be back to normal.”

″Okay, yeah. I mean, it sucks to go it alone for a while, but it’s only temporary, right?” he reasons, looking as scared as I feel.

″Of course. It has to be. He’s leaving.”

″Okay.” Deacon puts on a brave face. “I mean, I still don’t get it, but if this is what you gotta do, then do it.”

Just then, as if I need a sign, Maddox comes out of the house with his hiking gear. “Okay. Right.” I exhale. “Let’s see if this works.”

***

“Solo, are you really heading out to hike all by yourself again?” I grin as I approach.

″Solo,” Maddox muses. “I haven’t heard that name in a while. I thought you’d given it up.”

″Can’t give it up until you stop doing things by yourself.” I fall in step with him as he heads to his car.

″What’s wrong with doing things by myself?” He casts me a curious glance.

″I won’t be there to rescue you.” I wink.

″Oh.” His shoulders slump forward. “And here I thought you wanted to keep me company.”

″Who says I don’t want to keep you company?” I lean against the driver’s side door, blocking his escape.

″You.” He tosses his pack in the back of the car, barely sparing me a glance. “You think I need a babysitter.”

″I didn’t say that.” I hold my hands up in surrender.

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