Page 31 of Beautifully Complicated

For one thing, he’s brilliant. I can trust him to grade assignments without any oversight from me because he’s got such a solid grasp on the material. For another, he’s reliable. Always on time, always organized, always anticipating what I need and having it ready for me. And having him by my side when we’re reviewing data means I’ve got a front row seat to witness the excitement he has for the work.

That’s the confident side of him I’ve admired from the start. And as for the vulnerable side, it’s still there, in the longing glances he gives me when he thinks I’m not looking. The anxious way he waits for my approval.

I get as far as hitting the edit button before I cancel out of the screen without making any changes.

Not for the first time, my mind recalls the conversation we had the first time he stepped into my office, where he confessed to foregoing the opportunity to pick my brain for the chance to get to know me on a personal level because he was lonely.

The conversation may have started under false pretenses, but the irony is he’s most likely right about what I would’ve done had I known he followed my work. I probably would’ve declined the invitation to talk. I definitely would’ve declined the request to take him home.

But then I’d never have known him.

That’s the real mindfuck right there. Aiden is my TA. My research assistant. I’m pretty sure if anyone knew what happened between us all hell would break loose, and I’m pissed at him for putting me in this position.

Yet I don’t regret that night.

I relive it every time my head hits the pillow, tossing and turning for hours on end until my brain can’t process any more and I fall into a restless sleep.

A familiar knock has me tossing the phone to my desk, bracing for the intrusion that seems to come every day. “Come in.”

“Hey,” Daniel says cheerfully. “Some of us are going to grab a drink after work, you in?”

I still haven’t figured out if Daniel is this friendly to everyone or just me. I am the new guy, so he might be innocently trying to make me feel welcome when he pops in to ask how my classes are going or whether I need help with anything. He just seems to do it more than the other professors here, which gives me pause.

This isn’t the first time he’s extended an invitation to socialize, or to grab lunch or catch a movie, or any number of things that might help me get to know him a little better. This is the first time Daniel has mentioned others though, and I could use a night off from pining over a man I can’t have.

“Yeah, text me the details. I’ll meet you there.”

Based on the way his jaw drops, he wasn’t expecting me to accept. But he quickly recovers, pulls out his phone, and a second later I’ve got the name of a bar about five miles off campus.

I spend the next few hours creating a lesson plan and emailing Aiden instructions for what I need him to do for class, then shut down my computer, lock my office, and head for the bar.

It’s more of a lounge than a bar, with low couches and coffee tables set up in several intimate circles. I find my colleagues in a back corner—thankfully there’s an open spot that’s not right next to Daniel—and take a seat next to a woman who works in the department’s main office. I think she’s part counselor, part department director, or something like that. I’m embarrassed to admit I don’t really know, I just know she doesn’t teach any classes.

I’m stereotyping, but I’m hoping she’ll keep the conversation to something other than work since she’s not a professor.

“Hi, Grace. Nice to see you.”

“Kier.” She smiles. “It’s nice to see you off campus.”

Maybe those other invites from Daniel included everyone and I just didn’t realize it.

“Yeah, sorry. I needed to get settled at home before I could justify coming out for drinks.”

“I get it. There’s nothing worse than coming home and feeling like you can’t relax because things are out of place.”

“Exactly.” I return her smile and order a beer from the waiter before speaking again. “So, are after-work drinks a regular thing?”

“Once a month or so.” She sips her Cosmopolitan. “Except during finals. Then it might be daily.”

“Don’t we have it easy during finals? All we have to do is grade tests.”

“Professors have to prepare study guides, hold study sessions to help the students prepare, monitor the test itself… And as for me, I get flooded with questions about how a bad grade might impact GPAs and job prospects, even before anything has been graded.”

“Huh, I didn’t realize it was such a busy time.”

“That’s why there might be daily drinks.” She holds her glass up as if to toast me, only I don’t have a drink yet, which she notes with a tiny laugh. “So, how are you settling in? Is Colorado a big change from the east coast?”

Since Grace helped recruit me, she knows I’d been working with a bionics company in Boston prior to coming here.

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