Page 98 of Beautifully Conflicted

“Isn’t he though? At least, as far as you being honest about who you are?” The question makes me bristle, and I clench Damien’s hand asif in warning. But I immediately relax it, since I know he’s only trying to understand what I’m thinking, not influence it.

“My dad’s not the only reason I’m not ready to come out,” I remind him. It doesn’t answer the question he asked, but it’s all I have to offer.

“I know, and I already told you I accept that. I just think your roommates might understand your reasons better if you told them.”

“His opinion about gay people doesn’t encompass all of who he is.” I look over my shoulder as we hit the staircase to the third floor. “If I told them about what happened with my dad and my uncle, they’d hate him on sight.”

“From what you’ve told me, he’d treat them the same way.” Damien’s voice is barely a whisper, I assume to soften the blow of that statement.

“I…” I don’t want to admit it, but I’m afraid he’s right.

“Will you ever come out to him? Forget about the NFL, that’s ten years of your life. Your dad is forever. Will you tell him who you are one day?” Damien asks as we reach my room.

Staring at our linked fingers, I shrug. “I don’t know. Is that a deal breaker for you?”

Damien doesn’t answer for a beat, and when I bring my eyes to his lips, I note he’s chewing on them. “Not today.”

My heart plummets to my stomach. “But you’re not ruling it out?”

“I can’t predict how I’m going to feel in the future.”

As I allow my eyes to finally meet his, I find an intensity in them that doesn’t match the nonchalance of his words.

I’m not sure which of us he’s trying to placate right now, but I get the distinct impression he’s aware this conversation might irrevocably change things between us. He’s desperately trying to give me the space to take the lead, to make my own decision, just as he’s always done.

The question is, where do Iwant this to go?

“So, there’s a chance you’d be willing to stay in the closet indefinitely?” My heart thumps heavily in my chest, anticipating his answer.

“I’m saying the only deal breaker for me right now is walking away from you.”

My heart gives another of those heavy beats.

“What if I walk away from you? Would you let me go?”

“Is that what you want?” Damien’s gaze is so penetrating it feels like he can see into my soul.

“No.” My voice is barely above a whisper.

“Good. Because I wouldn’t let you.” Damien grabs the back of my neck and pulls me to him, crushing our lips together. The kiss starts as hungry. Aggressive. But it quickly morphs to something tender. Savoring. A promise of the very thing I’m both terrified of and starting to hope for.

Forever.

Damien

“Why do we always have to study at my place?” Bennet shuts his laptop and spins in his chair so he can see where I’m reclined on his bed.

“Does that bother you?”

I gave up my room at the library several weeks ago in favor of studying here, which has proven beneficial on multiple counts. I’m keeping up with my schoolwork, and I usually spend the night after, so it’s kind of the perfect arrangement. Except for the fact that there’s only one desk so I end up alternating between the bed or the floor to do my work.

Though, I don’t seem to mind it. If I’m honest with myself, I prefer the flexibility. And it’s a small price to pay for getting this time with my man.

“There’s not as much privacy here as there is at your place.”

“True, but at my apartment I can find a million things to do other than study, and since I don’t live here, I’m not tempted to do shit like cleaning or cooking or any other slacking off that might distract you.” I don’t add that since we’re in the same room my mind doesn’t constantly wander to him and what he’s doing the way it does when we’re apart. That level of obsession might freak him out.

“You lying on my bed is distracting.” He snorts. “I keep thinking there are better things to do on it than study.”

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