Page 97 of Beautifully Conflicted

“Yep,” Damien says.

“But you’re not concerned about coming out or whatever?” Jagger cocks his head to the side.

“Not really.” Damien scoops a bite of eggs with his toast.

“So, why are you worried about it?” Liam asks me.

“These three are better than I am. And don’t tell me I’m wrong,” I head off my teammates before they can protest. “I know my stats and I know all of yours. I’m good, but not so good that teams won’t question if my skills justify the cons of having queer player in the locker room.”

“What cons?” Jagger snorts.

“You know what I’m talking about,” I tell him. “You’re just immune to it since you’re considered one of the top receivers in the country. You’re a good acquisition regardless of who you’re sleeping with.”

“Don’t give me that shit.” Jagger sets his empty plate on the counter. “You’ve more than proven yourself on the field, and any team would be happy to have you.”

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I know where I stand. I’ve got a shot, a decent one, as long as teams don’t think I’ll give them a headache off the field. Easiest way to do that is to let them believe I’m straight.”

“You’re cool with this?” Jagger asks Damien.

“It’s his decision.” Damien lifts a shoulder and takes another bite of his breakfast.

“It affects both of you though,” Cruz points out. “That’s why I decided to come out. It wasn’t fair to Liam otherwise.” He gives his boyfriend a sheepish look, as if he’s apologizing that he even considered staying quiet, which was totally his right. “Plus, it won’t become acceptable if none of us in a position to make a change do anything about it.”

Admittedly, I hadn’t thought about it from that angle, and he makes a good point. But there are other factors influencing my decision, factors that no one outside Damien and I need to know, which makes that point moot.

“That’s fair. But again, that’s even more pressure on a guy like me who isn’t a shoo-in to start his rookie year. It’s not something I’m ready to take on at this point.”

“So, how do the two of you work, then?” Liam asks. “You both stay in the closet? One’s in and one’s out?”

“We just started…whatever this is.” I wave my hand in the air to finish the sentence. “Don’t give us this much shit already.”

I take my empty plate and Damien’s to the sink so Cruz and Liam can do the dishes and hold my hand out for Damien. He gives the rest of the guys a slight up-nod and links his fingers with mine, trailing astep behind me as I lead him to the stairs. Just as we get there, Aiden trudges down the last step, stopping short when he sees the two of us.

“Hey.” He catalogues our joined hands, yet I don’t get the impression he approves, even though he seemed critical of the way I was hiding Damien the other day. Since I never did let on to Damien that Aiden and I spoke about us having an end date, I keep that thought to myself.

“Hey,” I return. “There’s breakfast in the kitchen, as long as you get there before the rest of the guys eat it.”

“Yeah, thanks.” He offers us a timid smile.

“Want to battle later?” Damien asks him. “I haven’t played in a few days, and I need keep my COC strong.”

“Uh, sure. Just text me or…grab me from my room, I guess.” He beelines for the kitchen without making eye contact with either of us.

“Is it me, or was that really weird?” Damien asks me.

“It was weird.” I watch Aiden scurry away. “I wonder if he’s still upset with me for keeping you a secret for so long?”

“Maybe we kept him up?” Damien suggests.

“Yeah, maybe. Come on.” I give his hand a little tug and lead us upstairs.

“You didn’t tell them about your dad,” Damien remarks as we climb.

“You think I should have?”

“It’s a big factor in your decision, and they’re your best friends.” He makes it sound so simple. I guess it’s possible I’m making it overly complicated, but I can’t get over the fact it seems like a betrayal to tell people about his flaws. Even the ones I’m closest to.

“Yeah, I guess I just don’t want to paint him as the bad guy.”

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