Page 89 of Beautifully Conflicted

“For you, no. For me…”

“Nothing has to change,right now,”he corrects, tugging meback down so I’m using his chest as a pillow.

“One day, it will.”

“One day,it might,”he agrees.

“That doesn’t freak you out?”

“It terrifies me.”

“Why are you so calm, then?”

“I spent years hoping for a chance with you and I got one. I spent years hoping you’d fall for me and you have. It’s not a guarantee, but since everything I’ve ever hoped for has happened, I figure there’s a chance it’ll keep happening.”

“What does that mean for me?” My finger idly draws a path over his pecs. “I lose my family? My career?”

“I’m hoping it won’t come to that.” He hugs me closer, clinging to me in a way that reveals he really is terrified, but putting on a brave face.

“Why did it have to be you?” I whisper.

“It was never gonna be any other way.”

How he could’ve known that, even back when I staunchly held myself in the straight category, I’ll never know. The irony is, I believe he’s right. This was always inevitable. Possibly doomed, but inevitable.

Popping my jaw, I grunt, “I hate you.”

Damien shuts off the TV and kisses the top of my head. “I know. Go to sleep.”

In spite of the chaos in my head, or maybe because of it, I give in to the exhaustion, and for the first time in my life, I drift off next to someone without having sex first.

Damien

Bennet’s breathing is still slow and steady despite the bright sun peeking through the curtains, which I can tell since every exhale results in a puff of warm air hitting my chest. The predictable rhythm tells me he’s still asleep, and I’m in no rush to wake him since he’s using me as his pillow, something I’d love for him to do every day.

And after last night, I’m even more hopeful than ever that mornings like this are in my future.

Bennet loves me. He didn’t say it in those words, but he does, and he didn’t even freak out when he realized it.

I credit myself for that. I was calm under pressure. His rock during a time of need. And I didn’t even lead him to the conclusion I wanted him to make. Instead, I let him get there naturally, reaffirming what he already knew deep down.

I’m a little surprised my erratic heartbeat didn’t clue him in that I was nervous as fuck, but outwardly I seemed confident, which I know he needed me to be in that moment, and it worked. He’s obviously still concerned about what will happen if people find out about us, but he didn’t let that fear drive him back to his own bed.

Clearly, his feelings for me are starting to outweigh his concerns. He’s not at thetell the world the truthstage yet, but since Aiden knows,I’m guessing it won’t be long before his other roommates do, and that’s the first step.

We made it here faster than I anticipated, too.

I was preparing to go the whole summer as his dirty little secret. Our trysts would be harder to hide with only a fraction of the students in town, so I figured he’d be forced to come clean to his housemates by the time classes resume in the fall. Now, I’m guessing they’ll all know about us before the semester ends. Not that I think Aiden will say anything, he’s too loyal to Bennet for that. However, when Bennet sees that the world didn’t end with Aiden finding out, he’ll realize the others can know without fallout.

And once Cruz, Cam and Jagger know, I’m hoping their influence will help him get over his concerns about getting drafted as a bisexual man—if that’s the label he sticks with.

The pattern of his warm breath on my skin changes, and since he’s starting to wake, I indulge in what I’ve been wanting to do all morning. I bury my nose in Bennet’s hair and kiss the top of his head.

It’s kind of a weird thing to enjoy, but it makes me feel like he’s mine.

Bennet starts in the way you do when you open your eyes and realize your surroundings aren’t what you expected, though he quickly relaxes into my side.

“Morning, Lucy.”

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