Page 87 of Beautifully Conflicted

“Right now?” My brows draw together as I watch him pop up like the floor is on fire. “We aren’t gonna finish talking?”

“It’s… Yeah, I’ve got a ton of shit to do. And it sounds like you do too if you want to get to Damien’s later. I… I won’t say anything so you can—” he waves his hand aimlessly “—do whatever. I won’t say anything.”

I’m still sitting on the floor in the foyer when I hear his bedroom door shut, wondering what the fuck just happened.

***

It’s closer to ten thirty by the time I let myself into Damien’s place—a trip I almost didn’t make since my homework is still only half done—but after that weird exchange with Aiden I just…need to be near him.

He’s already in bed, propped against the headboard so he can see the TV, bare chest visible in the dim light of the room. I assume he’s naked under the comforter that only reaches his waist if his eager smile is any indication, though it quickly fades when he sees my face.

“What’s wrong?” He mutes the sound, eyes raking over me in search of clues.

“Aiden saw us kissing.” I strip down to my boxers and join him in bed.

“Are you freaking out?”

“Yeah, but not because he knows.” I scoot as close as possible, forcing Damien to wrap his arm around my shoulders as I rest my head on his chest. “I think I hurt his feelings by not telling him.”

Just the mention of his name has me recalling what he said about fuck buddies not stealing kisses. Which also makes it impossible to ignore the fact that fuck buddies wouldn’t talk about their feelings while cuddled next to each other in bed, either. But I don’t have the mental energy for that mindfuck right now, so I push it aside and let Damien’s warmth dull the chaos in my head.

He drags his fingers soothingly over my arm. “You two are pretty close.” It’s more a statement than a question.

“Yeah. We were pretty tight during rush freshman year—both of us felt we had to join the frat since our dads were members—and I’m pretty sure he credits me with getting the other guys to accept him being gay. So, he’s taking it pretty hard that I kept this from him.”

“Did you tell him your reasons?”

I kind of love that he doesn’t saytold you soeven though I know he’s thinking it.

“Yeah. The part about my dad he gets, even though it took him by surprise since I’ve only ever had good things to say about him. The part about the NFL he’s less sold on. I tried to explain that Jagger and Cruz are so talented that teams will turn a blind eye to their sexuality just to have them on the roster, and I’m not at their level. I don’t think he followed that part, though.”

Damien’s fingers pause briefly before resuming their trek along my arm. “I’m not sure I do either, if I’m being honest. You’re an incredible receiver.”

“I’m good, but I’m notstart during my rookie seasongood. Jagger is. And don’t try to argue that with me,” I say when I feel him take a breath. “We both know too much about the game for you to try to blow smoke up my ass.”

My head dips with his chest as he exhales. “Fair enough, Lucy. That doesn’t mean you aren’t talented enough to get picked up, though.”

“I agree, as long as I’m not going to be a headache in the locker room, and there’s nothing to suggest a bisexual second or third stringer won’t cause a headache or two.”

“That’s the label you’re going with?”

“It’s the one most people would understand, but I’m not sure it’s right. Either way, it doesn’t matter since I’m straight as far as the rest of the world is concerned.”

Damien’s chest stills, telling me he doesn’t like that answer, but he doesn’t give me shit for it, which has me feeling a little resentful toward Aiden. My body must give that thought away, because once again Damien asks what’s wrong.

“It just occurred to me that you’re more accepting of how I feel than Aiden is, which makes sense since I’m sleeping with you, but also doesn’t since you’re the one directly impacted by my choices. I mean, I always thought queer people gave each other a lot of leeway to make their own decisions about what they tell people and when, so why does Aiden get to feel hurt when it’smylife we’re talking about? I mean, it’s sort of yours too, but you aren’t making me feel guilty.”

“Based on how close you two are, I think Aiden might feel hurt about any secret you keep from him. This one just happens to be about your sexuality. And I’m not making you feel guilty about keeping this a secret because I agreed to your terms.”

“You don’t want to be a secret, though. Don’t deny it. I can tell by the way you breathe.”

Despite the seriousness of the conversation, I have to bite back a smile when his chest stills again.

“I don’t want to be a secret, but it’s either that or nothing, so…” My head rises as he shrugs his shoulders.

“And you think people knowing you’re gay won’t impact your chances at a pro career?”

“I’ll always bet on myself.”

---