Page 86 of Beautifully Conflicted

“Trust me, I want to. My cock doesn’t though. Damn thing perks up every time he looks at me. It’s annoying as fuck.” My lame attempt at a joke doesn’t get Aiden laughing.

“I’m still not following this. Isn’t Damien straight? You said he stole your high school girlfriend.”

I can’t stop myself from chuckling. “Yeah, about that. Turns out he was trying to show me she wasn’t girlfriend material or something? His method was shit, but it was his way of showing me that she wasn’t faithful since he didn’t think I’d believe him unless I saw it. I get what he was trying to do. Probably one of those spectrum things where itmade sense in his head even though it was fucked up. I’m pretty sure you’re right about that, by the way,” I ramble. “I haven’t said anything to him, but I’ve been paying attention. I don’t think he was ever trying to bait me. He just says what comes to mind in the moment.”

“You don’t think Damien is trying to bait you because of whatIsaid?” Aiden points to his chest. “And now you’re dating?”

“Not dating.” I shake my head firmly. “I can’t… I’m not…”

“He said you have a key to his place.”

I worry my lip, wondering how much I want to share about our arrangement. “Yeah—” I nod slowly “—for discretion.”

“He’s in the closet?”

“Not him. Me.”

Aiden’s eyes flare wide. “You? You live with five gay guys and you’re in the closet? Who exactly are you hiding from, cause it’s sure as shit not us, right?” When I don’t answer, he seems to shrink about three inches. “You hid your sexuality fromme?”

“I wasn’t hiding. I didn’t think I liked guys. I mean, I don’t, except him for some reason.”

He’s blinking so fast it’s hard to tell for sure, but it almost looks like Aiden’s eyes are wet. “You still kept it a secret. Why?”

Aiden knows more about my relationship with my dad than anyone on this campus, so it almost feels like a betrayal to admit the truth. But he clearly feels betrayed over my secrecy about Damien, so I confess it all. Catching my uncle with his boyfriend, telling my dad and driving a wedge between them, all of it. Including my fear that he’ll disown me the way he did his brother, and that liking a man could ruin my shot at the NFL.

“I get hiding from your dad,” Aiden says softly from his spot on the floor next to me, where we both sunk to while I revealed the truthabout my dad. “But two of your openly gay roommates are gunning for the NFL, and there doesn’t seem to be any backlash against them.”

“They’ve got two more years until they hit the draft, and honestly, they’ve got more talent than me. Their skill might make people turn a blind eye to their sexuality, but I’m not sure my skill will open the same doors for me. And like I said, this thing with Damien is… We’re not boyfriends. There’s no reason to draw attention to something that has an end date.” I rub absently at my chest, wondering what I ate to give me heartburn.

“And when is that?”

“I…” The pain in my chest gets more persistent, and I clear my throat to see if that’ll dislodge it.

“Does Damien know it has an end date?”

“He knows I’m not planning to come out of the closet.”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“Isn’t it?” I rub above my left pec, where the pain is most acute. “Whether it’s because I’m not planning to come out or because both of us want to go to the NFL, there’s no future here. It’s just sex. That’s why we’re keeping it a secret.”

“Jesus, Bennet. Do you really not see it?”

“See what?”

“Fuck buddies don’t usually steal kisses when they think no one’s looking.”

“We didn’t…” The protest dies on my lips as I realize that’s exactly what we did. And I instigated it. Before I can dissect what that means Aiden groans.

“Fuck, I should’ve seen this coming.” His head thunks against the wall. “The tension between you two never did strike me as actual hate. I just never let myself consider it might be sexual.”

“Why would you? I didn’t consider that either until it just…happened.”

Aiden’s eyes fall shut as he sighs heavily. “Oh my God. This whole time I thought I was helping you tolerate each other, not…”

“Not what?”

“I—” He shakes his head firmly. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just a bit of a shock that you’re... I never really saw that coming and I—” he checks his watch “—I need to finish my homework.”

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