Page 41 of Beautifully Conflicted

“Damien was actually pretty decent just now, and you were a total dick. What’s going on?” Jagger asks.

“What’s going on is I hate that stupid fucker as much as he hates me, but unlike him I’m not showing up at the one place he can get any peace. Is it too much to ask that this be a Damien free zone?”

“I don’t think Damien hates you—” Cam shakes his head back and forth— “I think he just likes getting a reaction out of you. Or he did. It seems like he’s put that behind him.”

“Fuck.” I scrub a hand down my face. “Aiden says he doesn’t understand social cues and doesn’t know he’s pissing me off, and you guys think it’s deliberate but he’s not doing it anymore. Which is it?”

“It could be both.” Jagger shrugs in thatwho really knowsway he’s perfected.

“That makes zero sense.”

“It does if you consider he doesn’t mean to piss you off, but digs in once he realizes he’s done it. You know, the way friends sometimes do.” Cam’s nonchalance matches Jagger’s, which isn’t a surprise, but it’s annoying as fuck since they aren’t making any sense either.

“Damien’s not my friend. Besides, that’s not how friendship works.”

“To be fair, we do the same thing and we’re your friends,” Jagger says.

“What?”

“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t have an exhibitionist kink. I just like making out with Cam and do it whenever I’m in the mood, but if you’re there to see it and it pisses you off—” Jagger grins sheepishly “— once I learned it riled you it became a bonus.”

“Pissing me off is a bonus?”

“The bonus is more like we see an opportunity to get you to loosen up,” Cam downplays.

“Is this another homophobic accusation? I swear to God if one more person implies I have an issue with dudes dating I’m gonna lose my shit.”

“I don’t think you’re homophobic,” Jagger insists. “I think you’re curious and don’t want to admit it.”

My heartbeat is echoing so loud in my ears I barely hear my own voice. “What the fuck makes you think I’m curious?”

“You bark a whole lot about our PDA, but you never stomp away, you watch out of the corner of your eye,” Cam says.

“I don—”

“Youdo,” Jagger chimes in. “At first, I just thought you were being cool with the whole grace period thing because you supported us, but then I noticed that your mouth and your eyes were saying two different things.”

“Whatever,” I huff, then for good measure I add, “What makes you think I’d be curious and not admit it?”

“We’re not mind readers,” Cam says. “You tell us.”

For a second, I consider telling them the truth, that Iamcurious but would probably get disowned. If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that these two won’t judge. They might even help me figure shit out. But if I say that, it becomes real, and right now, it’s just a thought in my head. A fleeting one, as long as I don’t acknowledge it.

“Nothing to admit.” I reach for the remote to turn on my game. “But why the fuck are we talking about this when we’re supposed to be talking about a Damien free zone? I see him at practice, we’re getting along decently there, isn’t that enough?”

Cam and Jagger exchange another glance, and with a heavy sigh Cam agrees for the both of them. Or concedes, whether they believe it’s the right thing or not. “Yeah, that’s enough.”

***

The pressure in my head doubles when I see Damien, and not even popping my jaw relieves it.

What is it about that damn hat?

Granted, it’s on the cooler side today—cold almost at around thirty degrees—so if there’s any time to layer up it’s today. But every time I see him in it, I get distracted by how it gives him a somewhat tender yet rugged appeal. It doesn’t make sense. Those are opposite traits, yet there’s no denying that’s what I see.

The dichotomy confuses my already complicated feelings toward the guy I want to hate but am starting to appreciate. Reluctantly.

I think I’m doing a pretty good job of hiding that though.

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